Monday, February 05, 2007

f'ed in feb

Hi internet. It's February, so you need a post. Like to keep those months of archives listed up to date and all. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you so. I'm not ready to talk, blog. There is so much going on in my head and I think I'm going a little mad. It all feels so indulgent, it does. Therapy and drugs and what for, who how why did I get to this point and how can I make it better. I miss not thinking. I miss not being deeply mired in my own thoughts. I miss not having to focus every minute on my physical reaction to A, B, and C. I don't pretend to understand what it means to struggle with disease but I can only say I don't know how anyone ever deals with disease because I can't even handle the bizarre twisting of my own mind. Worse before better, I keep telling myself. It's gotta get worse when you face it head on. Pretending wasn't really working anymore anyway. But so far, neither is my cure. Day by day.

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