Friday, December 23, 2005

and its my 20th year in No Virginia - oh my!

it's not new years yet, but I can still reflect, can I not? This year has been very strange. I rang in the new year in love, warm, joyful, a little drunk, and in tennessee (memphis, to be exact). At midnight on jan 1 2005 I was in the street on beale, dancing to an amazing street musicians cigar box guitar version of war pigs with a 24 ounce beer in a plastic cup in one hand and my beloved's waist in the other, while fireworks burst overhead. One hour back from east coast time, I hadnt changed my watch and the year sort of snuck up on me.

Fast forward to February 7..and while it does say something none to positive that I still know that date..when I had the sanest breakup I have ever had, if you take away the whole 600 mile distance and phone thing. I did then and have now a whole lot of respect and warm feeling for you, ex boyfriend.

I started this blog in the first weeks after that breakup, which sort of threw me for a loop. Although it wasnt as hard as its been in the past, whether that is due to his respect and care for my broken heart or the distance and absence I had become used to.

I went on dates this year, flirted a bit here and there, the stray kiss here and there.. but i haven't yet really had enthusiasm for dating again until very recently. Which makes me an asshole to you, who I hurt when I tried too soon, and Im so sorry and wish I could do a do-over. But while regrets are important, I can't live by them. Now I do think I may be ready again. So I am excited at the prospect of what may come for me in that area.

I'm also damn excited for what may come for me in all other areas. Things I have in my calendar so far for 2006 - New condo on March 1, trip to Italy and France in late March. I'm not sure where work will fit in with the March schedule, but you have to admit, that is an impressive start on the year.

I've made new more friends in this past year than I have for a long time. It feels great and I am happy. I'm looking forward to spending even more time with my parents with each coming year. I'm looking foward to next summer at the beach in NC at our new beach house. I'm looking forward to gaining some clarity on what I want to do with my career - I think its starting to come into focus.

I'm really just looking forward to continuing to come into my own. To grow into myself. I spent last new years eve happy in a couple. I'll spend this one joyously, completely, me.

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