Friday, July 09, 2010

Hi again old friend

I can't believe I've only posted 5 times since I started this job. I 've been here 3 years! I'm sorry, to anyone out there that actually reads this, and I'm sorry to myself, because the point of the blog is really for me, because I love to write, because writing is therapeutic to me. I have love in my life, great bounds of it. My family is truly incredible - each individual and the group as a whole. Very happy-making. I have love on a personal level as well. My relationship is at that point (almost 2 years) where it is settled and the settled feels slightly unsettled, if anyone can understand that. I'm 32, and I admit that, yes, I do want to get married. But I don't think I want kids. More on this in a bit.

My job rocks, it takes up a lot of my time and my mind and I love it, I'm good at it. Its not any different, I still wish I worked for an organization that I had a deep committment to in terms of purpose, but I love the people I work with every day and that means so very much.

Everything is not roses - I am healthy and capable, but I am still struggling with generalized anxiety and the weight issues that come with the medication for the anxiety. Seems to be no good way out of that one. I want to try accupuncture or other alternative treatments but I won't go off the drugs. My memories haven't faded enough to make me that brave yet. Anxiety limits what I can do, travel, etc. but it no longer limits my day to day life, and for that I am very thankful. I am doing lots of things that should address the accompanying weight issues and while they are having no impact on my weight, they are making me strong and good. I enjoy working out, my body feels good for the effort, I like focusing on what the human body is capable of. I've overcome the singular focus on a number on a scale and that, too, is good. I still, however, feel like the size 4 I was for 28 years and have not yet accepted, and don't think I should accept, that I am not. Its a goal. I shoudn't get used to this. Ideas are welcome, but I'm not going off those damn drugs, they saved me. Mixed feelings on this subject.

so that's out there. I'll be back sooner than 4 months.

1 comment:

jean said...

Try yoga or meditation for the anxiety. Yoga hits the workout part and teaches you breathing you can use when you are stressed.