Exercise in something

Write something, write something, write something.
Something beyond this daily routine, not doldrums, no, love my job, but monotony is lethal and this world this place is monotonous.
Writing isn’t a panacea now is it but the words go somewhere or they sit, fetal thoughts in my head, resurfacing, reminding me that some people do more more more more and what do I do, I sit here, supporting this government behemoth indirectly without any ability to make change to it, I’m successful, I feed off and thrive off my success but fulfillment lives somewhere else. Run on.
I love with ferocity but never found the heart to hate even when I should, but I feel…deadened. Have, ever since, going through motions sometimes but I love, I do. Its not tragic screaming yelling need hate love passion so is it not love? Ridiculous notion and I’m damaged and this is love not that.
Must make a difference but differences don’t pay well now do they and the place I live sucks money admirably. Seven hundred square feet I pay too much for each one and somehow they hold..nothing, offer no structure for an organized life, just exist, and I exist within the walls, just…existing.
Whine whine whine I’ve got everything I need, success that was so recently beyond my dreams and has now become commonplace because really, this success is monetary and the praise comes for doing a job well done to support a machine I have minimal faith in. Money can’t buy love nor happiness, but I have both. I whine whine but my life is so good, so sweet, I don’t want more money more things, noone else, I want…satisfaction. Meaning. Calm. I can see it and feel it and I taste it often and its good and I’m almost there and look at that, writing made me scoff at my frustrations and now…I’m good again.

Why hello there, 2009

Ok, so perhaps this post is a bit late. And a long time coming. And I'm trying to recommitt to blogging, I am, and this is a timid and lame start towards that goal. But so.

It is 2009. Yesterday Barack Hussein Obama became President of the US. I am over-freaking-joyed and in awe of the steps he has already taken, his first day in office, towards undoing so much of what was done over the last 8 years. He is a strong, brave, intelligent man, and I keep getting tears in my eyes because I am so very happy and so very touched and awed by both the momentous occasion...and the everyday, little things you see in this man that really do convey emotion, intelligence, real feeling and thought. What a breath of fresh air.

But, I digress, the man has enough people expecting the world the sun and the stars from him right now, so I won't add to that.

2009, it has potential. Excellent potential. For me, personally. For the world. No pressure.

(Eventually) 30 things for my 30th year

I've been 30 years of age now for about 6 months - and I realized there are some things I'd like to accomplish this year - not 30 things, yet, but that seems to be a nice neat package so I will continue to add to this list. A few to start with:

1) Learn more, break through fears and take more risks
2) Volunteer at least once a week (doing well on this one)
3) Make my bed an oasis of soft white cotton and downy pillows that I can sink into (workin on it)
4) Take good care of myself
5) Run a 10-miler
6) Remind those I love how much they matter all the time
7) Wake up early once in a while JUST to snuggle with the animals
8) Write every day, its good for my soul.
9) Take a good idea and run with it, don't hold back.

"Location: Washington, DC
Compensation: Commiserate with experience
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Phone calls about this job are ok.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests"

Tee hee hee. I believe the word your looking for is...commensurate, hmmmm?

and then?

soooo yeah! 5 months later here, and I feel inspired to type some words rather that use this page only for its links to other, more shall we say, attended to blogs. i have a new job, a new dog, a new wonderful people in my life. tis almost December and Christmas hullabaloo is about to come crashing down. many of my formally single friends are now happily settled in relationships and dynamics have changed.

i still feel a bit shocked and damaged and lost about E moving away, although that was 7 months ago. apparently the memories of 12 years do not go softly into the good night. go figure. but i am healing, i think. i struggle with thoughts that this is NOT my one, my lobster, so to speak. i actually still cannot truly fathom it. but i feel justified in my stubborn pouty behavior at times, because its helping me through. also helping me through, gene weingarten's excellent Tuesday chats. which i must go read now.

tata

random post #289

ouch, last updated on Apr 2, 2007. Its flippin June 15th! Apparently I was busy.
Ok, so I'm older, arguably wiser, possibly more bouyant (beer, its summer), and a little bit more sexxay. cause I'm tan.

Blog, life is serendipitous, you know? I am just amazed at the stuff that lands in my lap sometimes. When things are bad, sometimes things get awesome. Sometimes. Could I be more vague? No.

I think I have come to have peace with a particular persistant thing in my life, eh? And I thought it was happy peace. But you need 2 people for happy peace. But I need to demonstrate patience. Patience I say! I shall be patient.

Work is alternately lame as poop and kick ass awesome. What else is new I guess.

I need a change of something...I just don't know what. I'm training for a 10K. whoo.

ok random yeah its Friday at 5:11 and i'm at work. torturous, really.

ttyl blog.

spring sprung?

yaaaay its April. In exactly 30 days I shall be 29 years of age. Kinda happy bout that too. I feel much better at 29 than at 28, despite what a crazy f***ed up year this has been. Of course, I still do have that month for things to turn shitty...just kidding.

I think I shall go to an island for the b-day this year. With clear water. Never seen the clear water.