Thursday, June 30, 2011


Morning! Today is a good day. It is my brother in law's birthday and my parents' 44th anniversary. Woo!

Back on the 30 for 30 train. 20 down, 10 more to go!

Today, I have chosen ease. Black matches black. Here we go.

Outfit 20 is 3+13+19.

Shoes: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

still not quite 30 for 30...

Good morning! So, oops, I did it again. I wore 30 for 30 items except for the shirt. Apparently I should have added more shirts into the mix! I am still a dirty cheater. I assume you still care deeply about what I have on, so..

Today is 16+29+ a t-shirt from Target that is quite a pretty color

Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: j.crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

trying on the angry face

I have a theory, completely of my own design, that a lot of my anxiety is do to my experiencing a lot of well, crap, and tamping it down. I never get angry. So, I'm going to try and be angry a bit.

I feel generally safe in this far as I can tell, my readers are either strangers or those I know well enough that I'd probably tell you this stuff anyway. Call it therapy, on the cheap.

What I'm angry about..(this is hard).

1) Spending endless nights, years, unable to sleep, relax, and in fear for his life
2) Being the only one that had to see him at his worst
3) Allowing myself to be used
4) I give and I never take
5) I have to break down before you notice I'm not okay

Woo. Okay, that was super tough. Break time. I'll re-visit.

it's almost 30 for 30....

Well, friends, I didn't quite get all the way on the 30 for 30 train this morning. My shirt, alas, is not in my 30 items. But I quite like it.

Sometimes, my desire to wear a certain item of clothing overcomes my desire to stay on this 30 for 30 path. I think that's okay. This challenge has actually made me look at everything I own differently, and I think that is the point. Or, I could be missing the point and could just be a dirty cheater. Either one.

Here is today's outfit...

Today's outfit is 14+20+ this awesome shirt from J Crew

Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys

I just noticed that this shirt comes in a different color that is also on sale. Hmmm. I think mayhaps it is too distinctive a pattern to own two. Yep. No mas shirts today.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Week 8 Recap / Week 9 Goals

Oh, hello! Time to look at last week's goals and set some new ones. Here's what I said I'd do last week:

1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.

Well. Um. Uh oh. Soooo.... Shit. I didn't do any of this. To be fair, last week had a big event in the middle of it at work, that took up all my thoughts before hand and then made for a fair amount of work after, but..them's just excuses. Well, damn it!

Okay, breathe, breathe, move on. I'm just going to make these my week 9 goals. It's okay. I'll add a fun one too:

1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
5) Plan a vacation for early September (week after Labor Day)

journal day

Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet is such a great writer and a major inspiration. I love reading her blog. She started something called Journal Day where she provides a prompt, and you write. I'm game! Here we go!

Describe a "first" (first date, first lie, the first time you experienced something, first time in a particular setting, etc). Include as many details as possible to paint a picture.

The first time I ever skipped a class, I was 12 years old, a seventh-grader at the secondary school I would attend from grades 7-12.

I had heard about skipping classes. A lot of kids talked about it like it was no big deal, and a lot of fun. I had an older sister in the 10th grade, and while I'm pretty sure she never skipped class, her friends talked about it too.

One day, after a lot of thinking about it but minimal planning for it, I decided that I was going to skip gym class. I'm pretty sure I had gym 3rd period - it was before lunch, but barely.

When it came time to head down to the locker room to get ready for gym, I just...didn't go. I just kept walking. Our school was HUGE, and it was easy to hide yourself if you wanted to. About 10 minutes after the bell rang, I was just walking around the school. The late stragglers had cleared out and I was starting to feel conspicuous. I decided I needed to find a place to enjoy my free period.

Now, I was 12. I didn't know anyone with a car except my parents, and I didn't live close enough to the school to walk home. My sister was somewhere in the school, but I didn't know her schedule. So, I did what anyone would do. I went to the girls bathroom.

I went to the girls bathroom in the 7th grade subschool and I stayed there for what felt like hours but was really only 30 minutes or so. It was actually rather terrifying. I felt like I had to be quiet and absolutely still, and I didn't have anything to read, and it was so boring. I would've rather been in gym class.

When the bell rang, I went off to my next class and finished up my day. I went home that night, terrified that parents had somehow found out that I had skipped class. I could barely sleep.

The next day, at school, I was sitting in my english class when my guidance counselor came in and asked to speak to me. I broke. Right there in the middle of class, I started crying, saying, "I did it, I skipped gym, I'm so sorry I'll never do it again". My guidance counselor looked taken aback. "Oh, okay", she said. "Why don't you come with me and we'll talk about it".

Turns out noone knew I had skipped gym. I had gone and outed myself for no reason. But it felt so much better to have it off my chest. My punishment was detention, and I was completely fine with that. It was kind of cool, actually.

Some years later, I became a grand master champion of skipping classes. I skipped entire days. When my friends got cars, we went to breakfast, to lunch, off for an afternoon jaunt. I wasn't worried about the consequences anymore, we didn't get caught, and everyone did it. Noone seemed to demand explanation for why absences in 7th period were 15 days higher than absences in 1st. From what I understand, my class may have been one of the last to enjoy such freedoms. After Columbine, schools had no choice but to crack down on comings and goings from the school.

I still won't forget that feeling, sitting in the bathroom of subschool 1, just wishing I had gone to gym, because skipping class? Wasn't very fun.

i was 19, call me

Monday morning again! The weekends just fly, don't they?

Its starting to become a little hard to not repeat outfits, but I'm doing my best. Here's today's outfit:

19 is 10+16+24

Belt: Talbots
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys

I feel a little off today, kinda sad. Fred thinks its cause I watch too much Gray's Anatomy. He could be right. You see, I've never watched that show before. And then about 2 weeks ago, I got the whole series on my Netflix. And now I am INTO IT. I'm on season 3. But it is a bit much to take more than a couple of episodes at a time. I missed the whole Friday Night Lights train, too, maybe I'll give that a whirl. Apparently I like my wildly popular TV shows to be over before I'll watch them. Hmm.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

you got a fast car

I was 15 when it happened. 18 years ago this July 30th, 1993. It was a Friday. The summer between my sophmore and junior years of high school.

My sophmore year was difficult, I had had mono, and missed almost a month of school. I did fine in most of my classes, but struggled with my Advanced Biology class. I never had the aptitude or interest in science that I had with other subjects. Me and science just never clicked. I also would have done anything to avoid disecting a frog, or fetal pig, don't remember which, and I did. Which was skip class. A lot.

For the first time ever, I failed a class. I had to go to summer school. All these years later, I am so thankful that I did.

At summer school, I was in a class made up of kids from different high schools in my county, but there were some familiar faces. I sat next to Ray , the football player and affable guy that everyone liked and most of us girls had a crush on.

Sitting up front was a kid from our rival high school, Lake Braddock, Dave, who was far more good looking than any 16 year old has a right to be. Dave sat next to another kid from our high school that I knew in passing, Willie.

I was never an outgoing or popular kid in high school. I was in AP and advanced classes, in orchestra and chorus, and I hung out with a tight knit group of friends that weren't. I never made friends in my classes, for the most part.

Summer school was different. First, it was laughably easy. I got 100% on every exam and sailed through with an A+. I let the other kids copy my homework. I didn't care. I was friendly and open in a way that I wasn't during the regular school year.

One Friday, we were released from school, happy in the way that only 15 and 16 years olds sprung from school on a summer Friday can be. I was walking out to the buses when I saw Willie driving by in his black Thunderbird. He was so lucky. Not many of us had cars that summer, and I certainly wouldn't until senior year. I was so much younger than most others, having skipped a grade and started school early.

I was a shy kid, and I didn't know Willie all that well. But I was different at summer school, and I liked this version of me better. So I went up to his car and asked him for a ride home. I didn't know where he lived, but it couldn't be all that far from Burke, where I grew up. He agreed, and I hopped in.

Cypress Hill's Black Sunday had been released that week, and Willie had in pumpin in the T-bird, and loud. Cruel irony, in fact, but I so clearly remember the summer breeze, the wind in my hair, Willie driving, and the whine of "I want to get hiiiiiiiigh" against the bouncing bass line. You are invincible in moments like that, at 15. Its not something we as adults can ever quite reclaim.

Willie dropped me off at home, and went off to do whatever it was he did. I didn't know him well enough to know. I had met him once before outside of school, in the strangest of circumstances. If he recalled he didn't mention it on this sunny afternoon.

I have no idea what I did that night, no recollection. But I remember the next morning very clearly. Michelle called me, crying. Turn on the news, its Willie's car, she said. I did. I saw the car. I saw the words shooting. I didn't understand. But slowly, the realization dawned, that the news was saying. Willie had been shot and killed. 3 other kids were with him, and 2 were injured. They didn't give names, but the high school rumor train got them to me soon enough. People who saw me leave school with him asked Michelle if we were with him that night.

The news came out, a botched drug deal. Rumors rampant. News that belonged more in the movies we watched. It didn't belong in our suburban town. It seemed, even then, that it was children playing at violence, at drugs and murder and tough streets. It was all so horribly, horribly, wrong.

The funeral was attended by hundreds. Hundred of crying, dazed teenagers, unsure of our footing and our place. I wrote a poem to him that his parents read at the funeral, and I felt shame, as noone knew that I had a right, that I knew him, briefly.

I dont' know the details of the arrest or the trial. I know that we, the kids, we knew who it was almost immediately. That was eerie, and unsettling. It wasn't a stranger.

Dave and I, we dated for a bit. We stayed friends for much longer. Senior year his friend was dating a girl I knew and he spray painted our entire school with words proclaiming the superiority of our rival school and his love for Mandy.

My husband to be, he knew him too. He knew his killer as well. His killer taught him how to ollie when they were both much younger. How bizarre.

When I was 15, my friend Willie was murdered by someone I had met, someone who had gone to school with us, a slightly older boy and his friends who thought they were gangsters in a suburban town. Willie was executed over $150 of pot. He was killed over nothing. He didn't ever get to grow up.

Friday, June 24, 2011

18 and Life..30 for 30

Happy Friday! Its been a tough week here in Sara land. Time for weekend goodness. Here is outfit 18!

18 is 7+20+27. isnt' that neat.

Shoes: Steve Madden
Necklace: J Crew
Ring: Ann Taylor Loft
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

Still got the blurry photo thing going on - time to give the iphone a bath.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

its not a 30 for 30...but i like it

I struggled this morning. Struggled with really thinking this outfit would work, and really wanting to wear it, and wanting to stay true to the challenge, but really liking this outfit.

I also struggled with posting it, or just not posting an outfit today and letting you assume i went naked.

but I like it.

So here it is!

Cardigan: Target
Shirt: J Crew
Pants: Victorias Secret - and they are 30 for 30 - #16!
Shoes: Talbots
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

I'll be back on the 30 for 30 train tomorrow.

Also - love this picture of me, not ashamed to say it. Not sure whats going on with the glazed lens look/ Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds ad thing going on here, but I'm not mad at it. Probably some kind dirt on my phone's lens.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

thoughts on self checkout lines

Whole Foods is probably my number one grocery store. I get all meats, veggies, cheese, fish, and assorted other tasties there.

However, Fred and I, we significantly support the Coca Cola corporation. He's a classic guy, me, I'm diet caffeine free. They don't sell these delicious concoctions at Whole Foods. What, sugar water, or alternatively, don't ask me whats in it cause I don't know water, isn't considered a Whole Food? boo.

I also buy things like Safeway brand fat free chocolate sorbet, which is addicting and maybe the best thing invented ever.

Also, coffee creamer. Hamburger buns. The bread at Whole Foods is , shall we say, lacking in the preservatives department. I can't eat 8 hamburger buns in the 2 days those things have before you see blue spots of mold. Martin's Potato buns it is. Yummy preservatives.

So, its established, I go to Safeway for a handful of things. When I go to Safeway, I usually use the self checkout. This causes me conflict and distress (okay not really, simply mild guilt). Why?

Loooking at the self checkout line, it seems apparent that me, you, and our neighbors would prefer to engage in checkout as a solitary activity. We seem to like this ability to avoid small talk, pleases and thank yous, and exchange of money with an actual person. Humans would appear to be rather antisocial when it comes to our groceries. We seem to be willing to endure all the "check bagging areas" and "unexpected item" and "Please wait for @%!#% assistance" pleas from these automated scanning machines. We accept this.

There are times when I will forego the self checkout. 1) More than about 10 items. 2) Wine or beer (the machine makes stand there like an idiot while someone usually younger than me comes to check and ensure that I have been 21 for 12 years. Besides, its much more fun to be carded by an actual person who can not believe you are a day over 19 than an indescriminate machine).

Use of the machines, though, it makes me feel guilty. You see, I like employment. I like for people to have employment options. By all visual accounts, Safeway would appear to be a decent employer. I want those checkout people to have jobs. Therefore, I need to actually use the real checkout lines, right? Right. But I don't. I succumb to the call of the no-human-contact required except when we don't work right and that poor soul responsible for addressing all the self checkout line issues has to come help you machines.

Here's something interesting I Whole Foods? They had self checkout lines. They took them out. Replaced them with express lanes. I'm willing to bet noone stopped shopping at Whole Foods in protest. We go with the flow. People adapt.

I'm sure its been written about extensively, but does anyone know what the benefit of these machines is intended to be? Is it convenience for the customer, reduced costs for the store, a little bit of both? How has it actually played out in cost reductions?

What about you? Do you find the old fashioned check out to be inconvenient or the self checkout to be annoying?

I learned the truth at 17..30 for 30

dear blogger, sometimes I hate you. You ate my post. I'm going to have to start writing them in Word now, aren't I?

Anyway..what was I saying?

Right! Outfit 17. I really like this one. So far, this challenge has had two great effects on me.

1) I am appreciating more the other items in my closet, at the same time that I am having fun making 30 outfits from these 30. I can't wait to wear the other stuff! Its like shopping in my own closet. So fun.

2) I haven't been buying as much, because I can't wear it immediately. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. This prevents that. Seems to work. Cool!

Here it is!

17 is 14+29+30
Shoes: Nine West
Bracelet/Rings/Necklace: Tiffany

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

orange is my favorite color in the whole wide world

Sweet Sixteen! 30 for 30

Morning! Tuesdays can be kind of depressing, right? They are just so far away from Friday! But today, it is Summer Solstice! Longest day of the year! Aint nothing wrong with it being light out until past 9pm.

Here's the outfit for today!

Outfit 16 is 5+16+28

Shoes: Nine West
Nacklace/Braclet/Rings: Tiffany

Monday, June 20, 2011

Week 7 Recap / Week 8 Goals

Time to take measure of the goals of last week, week 7 in this little improvement project. Here we go!

Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)

I did survive, with minimal interference. despite feeling like I was going right out of my mind on Monday, I soldiered through. Felt better on Tuesday. Felt worse on Wednesday physically but better mentally. Thursday? Pretty much right as rain again. And now I've started adjustment stage #2, oh joy.

#2 - Take a long walk

I did take a couple of long walks. I saw a whole 6 bunnies on my walk on Saturday AND discovered that I have one of those walking paths with exercise stations - you know which ones I mean? - about 1/4 mile from my house. And one of them has bars, which I enjoy because 1) I can try to do pull-ups, because that! that is a goal! do a pull up! I have a weird fascination with wanting to be able to knock out 10 pull ups like it isn't a big deal. Also, 2) It allows me to practice the very elementary level of gymnastics skills that I still possess. When I was a gymnast, bars were probably my favorite. Or beam. Or floor. Not vault though.

#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)

I didn't do this one, wah wah. um, i have no excuse.

Okay! Week 8 goals!

1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.

The half-way mark - Outfit 15!

Good Monday morning all! Hard to believe it is Monday yet again - and June 20th, for goodness sakes!

Today's outfit may marks the first you've seen of these J Crew slacks..and probably the last until I get them altered. They are too big - darn! Hehe. They are part of my "good" suit, so I need to hold on to them..thankfully I have an excellent tailor.

Outfit #15 is 6+11+25
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Forever21
Bracelet and Rings: Tiffanys

I was at my parent's house yesterday for Father's Day brunch. It rocked, as usual. My parents moved in to a new house in January, and therefore there are lots of things unpacked and organized and brought to light that may have not been seen since 1999 or so. My mom had a picture of me accepting my high school diploma. I'm barely 17. WOW do I look different!

You don't so much think you look different in the mirror, right? Its gradual change. I'm pretty sure (okay, very sure) that I don't look almost twice as old as I was in that picture, but you know, I am.

What truly amazes me, though, is that I graduated high school 16 years ago, I have lived SO MUCH LIFE since then, and I'm STILL only 33. When you are 16, 17, you can't imagine what that feels like. How young 33 still feels. Its pretty cool.

Saturday, June 18, 2011

6/16 - 6/18. 365

Jun 16th
Q: What makes you cynical?
A: I get very cynical about the news. Media in general, politics, the intelligence of large parts of the US population. I don't want to live in a country where having your own reality show doesn't completely disqualify you from running for public office.

Jun 17th
Q: The best hour of today was ______________. Why?
A: 6:00pm! It's Friday, its quittin time, what can be wrong?

Jun 18th
Q: What's the last meal you cooked for someone?
A: I love to cook, and I cook at least one meal a day on weekdays, two on weekends, for me and Fred. I made eggs and bacon and waffles this morning. Nothing better than a real breakfasat on Saturday morning!

Friday, June 17, 2011

number 14!

Happy Friday!

Here is outfit #14 - basic black and jeans, can't really err too much on this one. I don't have much to say about it. It'll do.

14 is 3+19+27
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

Have a wonderful day!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

where it all began

long long ago, in a place actually quite close to here, I came across a blog. I googled the name of a boy I had been on a date with. A good date, I thought. But as these things go, there never was a second date. There was, however, the world of blogging. His name showed up in a post by the HILARIOUS Ms. TequilaMockingbird, and the rest, as they say, is history (and liberal use of daily read lists).

Ms. Mockingbird, sadly, hasn't written in about 4 years. You can read her archives here and I highly recommend you do. There are some pee-your-pants moments in there.

Tequila led to Heather (I think she would appreciate that statement, actually). Dooce led to Mighty Girl. At this point, many years later, I consider so many blogs daily reads, and am humbled by the talent that exists out there in the blogging world.

But it all started with Tequila Mockingbird, and a thought. Hey, I can write a blog. I think I will.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

6/13 - 6/15, 365

Jun 13th
Q: Something that made you worry today...
A: I was going through some pretty major side effects from changing my medication dosage on Monday and pretty much everything worried me! When i feel like that, I know its unreasonable, but I feel like i'll never feel right again. But here I am, 2 days later, feeling pretty ok again.

Jun 14th
Q: Did you exercise today?
A: No, not today. Tuesdays are generally off days for me - Tuesdays and Saturdays.

Jun 15th
Q: What's your favorite gadget?
A: My new sewing machine, but of course! ;P Also, my KitchenAid mixer - does anyone who has one not love it? Even if you don't use it (I do), but its so freaking cute!

p.s. I'm watching Americas Next Top Model right now - a rerun I think, these girls seem familiar..but this model doesn't know who John Galliano is. DQd, in my book. Come on ladies.

making the things, the sequel

oh, the thing making, it is sooo much fun! and maddening at the same time!

In addition to my drawstring bag, I have now made a double-sided dinner napkin with rick rack piping, and a re-usable fabric shopping bag. I'll do a post this weekend showing off all the things I have made!

I am really enjoying myself, and I am already finding myself looking at shirts I already own and thinking about how to make them. I think I might try a very simple blouse pattern this weekend. I need to practice practice, practice! as my stitches are not always straight right now! I'm hopeful that I'll be an adequate seamstress in no time.

Thanks again to Leigh Ann, Rachel, and Courtney for putting together such a fun class!

cat lady stuff

my cats, ever since we moved into a house with a backyard and a fence - they are obsessed with going outside. Neither of them have front claws (i got them from the shelter that way, i would never declaw), so they can't be outdoor cats, but I do take them out while i'm gardening so they can pretend they are jungle cats. cats of the azalea and hosta jungles.

If i open the door and leave the screen closed to get some fresh air in - it sends them into high alert.

how do we get from here, to there?

perhaps if we work together..

or we could cute her to death...

I am bored by your reasons for not letting us out.


Bella, the Tortie, she is a bit simple. Well, actually, we're not sure she's simple, because Bella is like a cat Rain Man. She will sit and stare at walls for hours and she is scared of everything from the ceiling fan to her own shadow. But she knows how to open doors, and is scarily strong. Like, this cat is ripped. Also, occasionally she will give the other cat a quick whap on the head for no apparent reason. She's freakin adorable and likes to sleep in the nooks behind our knees while we are sleeping. I sometimes chase her around and tell her, in the voice from that kid in Despicable Me, that she's' "So Fucking Fuzzy!" -poetic license taken. Also, we rarely call her Bella. Its most often Root, Rootie or Rooster. It started as Belarus..don't ask.

Tash, my Tabbie, she is a trip. She is crazy smart and gets bored easily. Sweetest and friendliest cat I've ever met. She's also a lap cat (and shoulder cat, whatever part of you she can sit/nap on) and my baby, I've had her for seven years. Best cat to nap with ever, but she will wake you up by biting your toes and your nose, oh so gently and annoyingly. or playing with the blinds. she has learned that gets our attention. what a fun discovery, huh?

ok! so that should just about cover talking about my cats for a while. Thanks for hanging in there!

the fashion, it is

between Mary-Kate / Ashley Olsen's new handbag line for The Row:

and Lauren Conrad's new line, Paper Crown:

We're gonna need a bigger wallet.

Also - The Row....gah! I don't want to love it, but the bags, they have tipped it for me. There is nothing I hate more than of the season gaudy logo-ed it bags and they completely avoided any of that.

LC - good on you, girl. Your Kohl's stuff is pretty cute too. Way to not be Heidi.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

I made a thing!

Ya'll, I have made a thing. A functional, real, thing. With the sewing machine. I made it. It is a drawstring pouch/gift bag thingamajig and I made it! It is a little wonky, but here it is, in all its glory:

and with the drawstring pulled tight a bit:

Already, I can see that I can make pillow cases. I mean, of course, look at my thing. Oh, it's on. It is ON with the making of the THINGS!

I'm so psyched!

p.s. the bottom picture is framed crooked, I mean, its not THAT wonky. I done good.

p.p.s. I showed Fred my creation and he tried to put the cat in it. No cats in things, new rule.

Step 2 in becoming a '50s housewife

On my lunchbreak today, I bought a sewing machine.

A nifty little Singer number from Sears.

I'm so excited I may burst!

I have a sewing machine, you see. I LOVE my sewing machine, from a sentimental, nostalgic, vintage-y perspective. It is truly awesome. It has a little label printed out with my mother's maiden name, gah the wonderfulness. But it is from 1954. And its fussy as hell. As in, no I WON'T pick up your bobbin thread and then when I do no I WON'T sew anything. I'll just make noise and holes.

I have spent many hours trying to get the thing to sew. It don't wanna.

So, although I struggled mightily with this decision, I decided that sewing is frustrating enough without old machinery. The old sewing machine will be a proud family heirloom that one day when I understand sewing machines, I will fix.

The new little Singer will take all the abuse of a new sewer. YAY compromise!

About a month ago, I purchased the Home Ec online course from Leigh Ann, here. (don't know her, but love her). I've been just patiently watching my tutorials and waiting, and then trying to make the damn machine sew, and then failing, and then watching and waiting..

And now I get to make the things! Make the things! Yay!

Lucky 13

Good morning all! Well, I don't want to jinx it, but I'm feeling 80% back to normal today. Yay!

Back to the 30 for 30 challenge! Here is outfit number 13:

let's ignore the fact that my hair looks just bizarre today.

Outfit #13 is 4+13+25
Sandals: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Rings/Bracelet: Tiffany

Monday, June 13, 2011

Week 6 Recap / Week 7 Goals

Well hello again. Time to take a look at how I did against my week 6 goals. If you'll remember, this is what I said I'd do this week:

1) Go to the gym 3 times.

I went to the gym twice and ran twice. If I put go to the gym on here, I seem to choose running, if I put running on here, I seem to choose the gym. Because I am stubborn and ornery. Either way, its helping me to get my exercise in, so yay!

2) No processed crap.

I'm still eating based on the guidelines I set for myself 2 weeks ago, so no processed crap. Except for today, see: feeling like crap. I don't have an appetite right now, but if I don't eat, I'll feel worse, so I eat whatever is easy. So far today that has been a water, some chips ahoy, and some oatmeal. Don't worry, I'll be back to normal right quick. I tend to take it a litte easy on myself when I'm feeling like this and I'm okay with that.

3) Really, don't buy any clothes. Just don't. Do not.
I didn't buy clothes. Seriously. I have to think about it to make sure, true, but I did not. Oh wait, I did. I bought running shorts, haha. I could not put up a strong enough fight. But I've worn them twice to go running, and really, that makes them worth it. Exercise clothes should get their own category anyway.

4) Look at my budget and establish new short and long-term savings goals (I HATE budgeting, but I need to look at this again)

I set myself a budget for non-essentials, which is leniant enough that I can stick to it, but still keeps me on a good saving path. I need to build up 6 months expenses in my savings, that's my new goal. Up to this point, I've been more focused on my retirement account, but I believe I need to also have a good cushion of savings, a safety net.

5) Wear my hair down at least twice. I've gotten stuck in a hair rut

I wore my hair down once. I call this a win, considering it was ridiculously hot and humid last week.

So all in all, I did okay.

For Week 7, I'm going to change it up a bit.

Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)
#2 - Take a long walk
#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)

I think that's it for this week.

Monday, very Monday

Good morning all!

I don't have a 30 for 30 post today, as I was running late for work and did not take a picture. Also, I am wearing a t-shirt that is not part of the 30 items. Le gasp. The rest of my outfit is though.

This is due to several factors, including: wow I feel like crap (see post from over the weekend for details) and I should probably stay home but I have a report due in this morning so I need to go take care of that so lemme get dressed real quick and oh, this matches and is clean.

Also, I screwed up at work already this morning. Which wouldn't have been so bad had I checked my email this weekend, which I didn't. See: feeling like crap.

Yes, it is Monday. I hope yours is going better than mine so far!

Sunday, June 12, 2011

6/9 - 6/12, 365

Jun 9th
Q: What makes a good friend?
A: Thoughtfulness, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, shared values, honesty.

Jun 10th
Q: How many cups of coffee did you drink today?
A: Just one, as per normal. Grande decaf sugar free hazelnut soy misto.

Jun 11th
Q: What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
A: Cook a delicious dinner and watch a movie with Fred. Try to stay up as late as possible =)

Jun 12th
Q: Is something in your way? Can you move it?
A: I may sound like a broken record, but right now my panic disorder is very much in my way. I'm not sure how to move it, but I'm ready to try.

Saturday, June 11, 2011

its only okay sometimes

i feel like the morning after doing ecstacy.

don't worry. its been...13 years or so since I knew what that felt like. I've not lost my mind. I'm actually working on not losing it.

I'm changing the dosage of my medication for anxiety and it makes me feel like, well, like a crack monkey, is the best way to describe it. like coming down off a high. like my muscles are twitching and i'm kind of vibrating but my stomach is upset and i'm kind of tired but can't sleep and my eyes burn like i have a fever and i can't concentrate on much at all.

All because I'm taking up my Lexapro 5mg.

I've mentioned it casually here before, but I suffer from anxiety disorder, panic disorder specifically. when I read up on my diagnosis, I'm embarassed that I'm such a textbook case, hardly original at all. Its a real thing, promise. I know mental illness has a stigma, I am keenly aware of that even as I type this. And mine's a real son of a bitch - limiting, physical, and scary.

friends, if i've ever freaked out on you in the middle of an evening out, thrown money on the table and left, said i'm going outside to get some air only to text you an hour later to tell you i'm not coming back..that was a panic attack. i'm sorry.

I had a major episode almost 2 years ago. It took a long time, but my life is mostly back to normal. Except..

If I have to travel, I will freak out.
If I get stuck somewhere (metro, indoors, outdoors, anywhere i cannot leave if i want to), I will freak out.
I will go to the party, but I will be uncomfortable.

This is why I don't drink (messes with my medication).
This is why I don't drink caffeine (stopped 2 years ago, now hate feeling jittery)
This is why I stay in most nights.
This is why I gained a shit ton of weight (medication, again. also, why I'm changing medication now)

Hardly anyone knows this about me. I don't get anxious about things that make people normally nervous. I am completely fine with public speaking. I actually love to fly, what I hate is getting there, the being somewhere so far away i can't get home quickly and in my own means if i need to.

I get completely and unreasonably taken over by panic attacks at mostly predictable times, which actually makes it worse. the anticipation of an attack can trigger one. any event. at all. easter, new years, my own birthday. my own wedding, dammit, i'm terrified of the EVENT of it all. I won't be a passenger in your car and going out to lunch at work is something i have to consciously choose to be okay with.

my anxiety manifests itself in the usual sweaty palms dizzy symptoms you've heard of, but it also sends my digestive system completely haywire. therefore - group, social, non-escapable food-eating event = no, no, no.

My life is good. Great even. I am very happy. But this? This is part of me. I don't want it to be. I used to be fearless. I miss that.

I'm not trying to be brave talking about this. In fact, I don't talk about it, except to Fred and my family, in the language they've grown to understand. Typing it here is just a start. Trying to not be ashamed. Trying to accept it. Trying to overcome it.

Friday, June 10, 2011

the heart of the matter

You all are aware, I have been, ahem, accident prone as of late. First, with the ankle twisting, and then, with the stairs falling leg bruising. But I'm all healed up now. Back in the gym. And its only supposed to be 85 rather than 90 bazillion tomorrow, so I am planning on a morning run. Perhaps a morning Starbucks, and then a walk back. We know I have a problem.

But! I'm here to talk about another problem. The heart of my shopping issues. The never-ending search for the perfect outfit in which to do X.

I am sitting here, waiting for a candidate to call me back, and I'm seriously thinking deeply about what I am going to wear for my run tomorrow. I am thinking...shorts. I need some running shorts.

Ya'll, I do NOT need no damn running shorts. I will say, no, I do not currently have a pair of well-fitting running shorts, TRUE. However, I have about three to seven (I have no idea) pairs of perfectly good, lovely, as fashionable as they can be given their function, work out CAPRIS. in loose fitting, in mid-range fitting, in running tight crops.

I don't need no damn shorts.

But in my head, I'm picturing me, running, sweating, de-stressing, communing with nature. In these shorts I saw at Dick's Sporting Goods the other day.

These here.

(p.s. love you under armour, you make the best sweatpants ever invented. go local, yeah!)

And now, its like, well I can't fully appreciate the run without the shorts. Meanwhile, this is all still in my head, in my plans for tomorrow. It hasn't happened yet. Yet, I need the shorts.

See, this is the heart of the problem. I get an idea in my head. I'm all, self, I would like to go to a concert at Wolf Trap (I totally am, tomorrow, Bright Eyes, whut!)

Oooh, what should I wear? I have this awesome embroidered cotton dress that would be lovely, but what if it was a shirt and I could wear it with jean cutoffs and then oh yes, that would be perfect, but OMG I need the perfect embroidered cotton floaty summer shirt.

No, no I don't.

If I were planning a trip to Paris? Yeah, I'd be filling my virtual shopping bag with Breton stripe tees, skinny jeans, scarves, and flats (no, I have all that. I must think of Paris a lot).

My wedding, for heaven's sake? Oh, I already have two wedding dresses (calm down, one vintage from Etsy, one deeply on sale from JCrew, I haven't even spent $100 bucks). And now I'm fairly obsessed with this particular dress. In white, duh. Which, FYI, is a dead ringer for my Prom dress.

Perhaps that's what I should do. Get back to my 1995 size (haha, HA, HA!HA!) and wear my prom dress to my wedding. Sweeeeeet.

Also, shoes. These'ms, raaaaaght heres. . Or these. Yum.

So anyway. This doesn't make sense, but this is where my mind goes. All the time. For ever and ever way back when. I am a person of substance, despite all signs pointing to frivolity. Am I the only one? I am, aren't I?

Happy Friday! And outfit #12

Good morning all and Happy Friday to you! I'm not sure I've ever needed a weekend more!

Here is today's outfit, #12 I beleive.

Outfit 12 is 10+20+27
Shoes: Nine West, here (and so insanely comfortable, I'm going to have to get them in black, too)
Necklace, bracelet, rings: Tiffanys

Thursday, June 09, 2011

blue moon

Blue eyed girls like blue beauties.

polka dot dress * blue car * sofa
* pitcher * hanging chair * blue thistle * bathing suit * party dress

moments in time

when I remember, when I look back, I'm amazed at the little, meaningless things that stand out and stand the test of time.

May 1999. Lee Highway movie theatre. Springtime. Purchasing tickets for a double-header of The Matrix and Go. Me and Ed. The ticket taker, on the right side ticket station (this was the less busy side) said to us, are you over 17? 22 and 21, said Ed, smiling.

I look back now, on IMDB, and the Matrix came out on March 31st. What took us so long?

I remember walking out into the parking lot, still light outside. That feeling you have when a movie has just ended, a movie that REALLY took you in. Do you remember seeing the Matrix? Do you remember seeing those effects for the first time? It stayed with you for a little while, silly as that sounds.

Why this memory. Why "22 and 21"?

My Abercrombie sweater, the one I bought at Fair Oaks. You had to throw it away or be caught in a lie. I loved that sweater. I wore that sweater, at a party, one night, with sweatpants. Because when you are young and hot you can wear men's sweaters and sweatpants to parties like it aint no thang.

Listening to OK Computer for the first time, in your room at your parents house, with Steve. We all just stopped and listened.

I have all these memories.

That sweater is gone. That movie theater is gone, though I live a mile from it. OK Computer stood the test of time, that's for damn sure. Being 21 is gone.

Outfit 11 30 for 30

Hello and Happy Thursday!

Here is outfit #11

Number 11 is 7+15+25

Necklace: Banana Republic? Not sure
Shoes: Talbots
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

6/6, 6/7, 6/8 265

Jun 6th
Q: Which family member are you closest to?
A: Well, there are only 4 of us in the blood family sense, and we are a very tight knit group. I'll happily talk to any of my family members about anything. Really, anything. Well maybe not to my dad about any details regarding sex and or womanly functions.

Jun 7th
Q: What do you feel grateful for today?
A: I am grateful for so much in my life..My family, Fred, my two wonderful cats, my home, my job, my whole life really.

Jun 8th
Q: What makes you miserable?
A: The dead of winter, and the sun setting before I leave work. Panic attacks. Boredom. Feeling nauseated. Toothaches.

outfit 10 30 for 30

Good morning! Here we are, 1/3 of the way done! I'm not overly enamored of outfit #10, but its okay. It'll do. Somethign about the wide legs on the pants and the shoes. I need some more summery black shoes. Here it is:

Outfit 10 is 2+16+22.

Shoes: Ann Taylor
Belt: Talbots

Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Outfit 9, 30 for 30

Good morning!
Today's outfit is number 9. Numero nueve. This morning was one of those mornings, not bad, per se..but I put on a whole entirely different outfit, put on the accessories, almost out the door..and then something inside said meh, no. So I changed. Outfit #9 is therefore Outfit #2 of the day. Here it is!

Outfit #9 is 3+14+20.

Belt and Shoes: Talbots (yes, I know I wear these shoes damn near everyday, I'm looking for a pair to supplement)
Rings/Bracelet/Necklace: Tiffany

Look at me with my hair down! Working on those Week 6 goals! Also, trying to enjoy one last reasonably tempered (temperatured?) day before we go all 100+ and insane humidity, and my hair will curl no matter what medieval implements I employ to tame it straight. Yay summer!

Monday, June 06, 2011

Week 5 Recap / Week 6 Goals

After a dismal week 4 showing, I made it easy on myself for week 5. Let's see how I did.

1) Go to the gym 3 times.
I went twice. I'm usually a 4-5 days a week go-er, I just kind of fell out of habit with the twisting of the ankle and the falling down the stairs. My bruises are healed, time to pick it back up.

I am going to change up my gym routine a little though. I usually do a long cardio stint (30-40 minutes) followed by a weight circuit, followed by 10-15 minutes of walking or slow jogging. This week, I'm going to do my weights first.

2) No processed crap.
I did it! I mean, I ate the catered delicious food from Tuesday night and the leftovers on Wednesday, but none of the cookies/ding dongs/chips/random crap that we have available in our kitchen. That stuff isn't even good, its just there.

I posted about a new approach to diet here, and I have been following this since Wednesday night. I feel pretty darn good!

3) Really, don't buy any clothes. Just don't. Do not.
I didn't buy any new clothes. I bought one vintage item with a thrift store credit. No money exchanged. Yay!! This is HUGE for me, you have no idea.

On to week 6!
I like these goals, I'm doing them again.

1) Go to the gym 3 times.
2) No processed crap.
3) Really, don't buy any clothes. Just don't. Do not.

4) Look at my budget and establish new short and long-term savings goals (I HATE budgeting, but I need to look at this again)
5) Wear my hair down at least twice. I've gotten stuck in a hair rut.

Should be a great week!

Outfit #8 30 for 30

Well here it is, Monday morning again! Today is the 8th day of the 30 for 30 challenge.

Today, I've added another piece into the mix. This is it though! No more additions. Drumroll please, item #30 is..this little floral top from Boden. It's one of those things in my closet that makes me go, hmmm, that's nice, I should wear that more often..but then I don't. Who knows why. I added it in to the mix to provide some motivation for me to figure out what to wear it with..or not, and be able to let go with peace.

Without furthur ado, outfit #8!

Outfit 8 is 30+12+25

Shoes: Michael Kors via DSW
Belt: Target
Necklace, Bracelet, Rings: Tiffany

Sunday, June 05, 2011

6/3, 6/4. 6/5 365

Watching the French Open finals right now. I will never get sick of Nadal/Federer finals. Go Roger!

Jun 3:
Q: Who do you miss the most right now?
A: Ahh, you know who.

Jun 4:
Q: Today you wore_________________.
A: The sweetest purple embroidered cotton dress. Easy, comfortable, stylish. I love it.

Jun 5:
Q: What was the last fruit you ate?
A: A banana, mashed up with a little bit of hershey's chocolate sauce, for dessert last night. Yum!

Friday, June 03, 2011

what's in my makeup bag?

Hi all! I thought I would share with you the myriad of products that I use on my face everyday!

Now that it is summer, and with the heat we experienced this week, I do scale back a bit on the makeup. Here is my summer routine:

1)Cleansing and Prep

I use the Korres Quercetin & Oak Anti-Aging Regimen, and I am in lurrve. Korres is a Greece-based company that prides itself on natural, organic ingredients and eco-friendly policies, and does not test on animals. They make super-cute make-up too. I sound like an ad. Well, consider Korres to be Sara-approved. My skin likes it a lot too. You can buy Korres at Sephora (only place I know so far).

2) Protection

After the cleansing and prep, I put on my sunscreen. I use Shiseido Ultimate Sun Protection Cream for Face SPF 55. Its the only sunscreen I have used under make-up that doesn't either funk up my makeup or slide around.

You can also buy this at Sephora.

3) Base

In the summer, I don't use foundation. I use Cover Girl & Olay Simply Ageless Concealer for under-eye circles and any uneven spots. I blend this with my fingers.

I then use a highlighting powder that is actually an eyeshadow..CoverGirl Eye Enhancers in Champagne. This goes down my nose, across the tops of my cheekbones, on the bow of my lip, in the corners of my eyes, and on my browbones. Very light application and blended thoroughly.


Next up comes blush. My sister got me an amazing kit from Lorac that has all sorts of colors, so I pick whichever blush suits my mood that day (I have 4 to choose from!) Most often, I use Lorac Pink. It looks super bright but is layerable and is really sweet and subtle.

I finish off my face with a dusting of Make Up For Ever HD Microfinish Powder. I don't use a conventional face powder - this one is transparent and gives you that "HD" finish. Actually, I'm not sure it does anything, but I like it.


On my eyes, most days, I use a brown gel eyeliner, Maybelline Lasting Drama by EyeStudio Gel Eyeliner, in Brown. I like the liquid-eyeliner look, but this is SO MUCH NEATER, and doesn't require as steady a hand.

I usually use eyeshadow, but remember that Lorac kit? It has about 30 eyeshadow colors. The two shades I use most are Enlighten (Shimmering Sand) and Sand (Shimmering Pale Peach).

I finish off my eyes with a good couple coats of Maybelline Volum' Express The Falsies Spoon Brush Washable Mascara in Brownish Black.


Oh my goodness, do I have a lifetime affair with lipsticks and glosses of all types. I'm going to go digging around in my purse and see what I turn up..hold please.

Ok, not even kidding, I am currently carrying 11 different kinds of lip-coloring or moisturizing implements.

I have:
Clinique SuperBalm Moisturizing Gloss in Rootbeer and Black Honey
Maybelline ColorSensational Lipstain in Cherry Pop
The Body Shop Born Lippy in Satsuma Shimmer
Aveda LipTint in Spice
CoverGirl NatureLuxe Gloss in Peony
Blistex Silk & Shine
Clinique Chubby Stick in Richer Raisin
Revlon SuperLustrous Lip Gloss in Pink AfterGlow
Mac Lustre Lipstick in Sheer Plum
L'Oreal HIP Jelly Balm in Ripe

Whoa, dude. Honestly, what gets used first, in the morning, is not in my bag. It is CoverGirl Outlast Lipstain Lip Color in Wild Berry Wink.

These other colors get used depending on my mood - natural or bright, red or pink. Most-used are probably the Chubby Stick and the SuperBalms.

So that's that! That's what goes on my face each day. Its a lot of work being a girl, you know?