Tuesday, August 29, 2006

blogger, dude

you just ate my ranty post about the incompetence of comcast, merely because I asked you to spell check competence, you buttface.

quite talented

By now, I figure I've logged enough hours to have earned a PhD in Blog-Reading with a Master's in Wasting Time. This isn't to say work has suffered, per se, only that I have suffered. Needlessly, I'm sure.
So why am I so scared of the day the offers from all interviews come in? I am dreading, seriously, DREADING that conversation. And its because I've done myself a disservice. I've not told anyone for months how soul-sucked I feel here because I keep being told what an amazing job I'm doing, and really, who wants to rock that boat until they have offer letter in hand? Part of me even thinks that I'm running away from an opportunity to make real changes here but oh then reality kicks in and smushes my little idealistic notions. This isnt a place for idealogy, at least not anymore, as far as I can tell.

Monday, August 21, 2006

today gets a big

what-the fuck-ever. I'm just...in a MOOD. and I feel a little guilty. But not much.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

I have confused myself today. Woke up this morning to the news on NPR of the terrorist plot that had been thwarted in London early today. Made me realize a couple of things, mainly that 1)something on the scale of 9/11 is going to happen again, we can't possibly catch them all, and there is more creativity in this world used for evil than I care to think about, and that 2)unless its nuclear, I'm probably just as safe 10 miles from DC as I am 300 or 1000. So no need to move then. All a very rational, logical, level-headed type of reponse to this stuff, typical of our times. I hope. I think there might be some people in Kansas or something losing their shit over this today. But I digress.

Then, the radio trailer for Oliver Stone's World Trade Center comes on with the Coldplay and the talk of heros and I start crying like a little bitch. Then I take the rest of the drive remembering where I was on 9/11, AS IF I COULD EVER FORGET,and then thinking about this article I read the other day about a father who lost his son in the attacks and thinks he has identified him as one of the figures at the broken out windows on the 103-104th floors in that really famous picture, and how that has brought him some closure.

So...am I rational or irrational here, I don't know. I am NOT a fan if this is just the beginning of the 5 year anniversary type happenings I don't think my emotions can take it.

Oh, and I forgot, how about we dont' play the commercial for that opportunistic tear-jerker crap in the middle of a report on terrorists, k? Cause that's a time when I don't want my ads to match my content. Oh wait, I never want that. You hear that? I never want that gmail, and washingtonpost.com, and every web site with ads ever, ok?

Thursday, August 03, 2006


Open word document to start writing stream of consciousness piece as work has become so dull as to inspire thoughts of alternatively going completely apeshit, throwing office furniture about whilst yelling I hate this goddamn place, or, in a more peaceful option, just seeing what kind of reaction I can get by just strolling into managers office and saying, I don’t give a shit and I feel like going home because while I have some things to think about, I have nothing concrete to do and have not had, for more than at most half an hour at a time, for quite some time. In theory I have things to do but in reality this has been my reality for several months now and both my time management skills and creativity are dying a not so slow and painful death.
I spend forty hours a week here, painfully, with every minute, trying not to smoke five packs a day out of shear exhaustion from all the monotony. You didn’t know it was this bad did you. Give me someone who wants eight hours a day to surf and Ill show you an idiot. I need a half hour to read my regular blogs and another couple of minutes on gmail chat and Im golden. Beyond that is a mind-sucking drain. I don’t go on the internet at home anymore except to look up needed information because I’m so damn sick of it. It is not acceptable to me to waste forty hours a week of my life here. Well, here is ok, but not with THIS. This is ridiculous in grand proportions. I feel uncared for. My desire to be proactive is waning and now comes and goes with alarming speed, although continues to be my one and only source of productivity. I have a brain and I want to use it. This just serves to make me want to say fuck it and return to retail management where I know I will trod home each day exhausted and reeking of consumerism. But at least I’m not bored nor are my Achilles tendons atrophying from the lack of movement.
But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to suck it up and I’m going to research and target and find something meaningful (and no, not in retail) that does not drive me slowly and than quickly mad. Life outside of work is flourishing which is maybe why the wasted hours feel just so unacceptable right now. I can have it all, right? Well that killed 10 minutes. Ooh and that's an interesting and timely phone call right there. Perhaps things are turning up.