Wednesday, May 30, 2012

dual roles

so, I want to talk about something a little more real-life today, and that is the roles of a man & woman in a relationship.

I think about this a lot, and often times I think, gosh, i wish I had a traditional wife, haha. You know, neither Fred nor I play traditional roles in our relationship. It works for us. But sometimes, I wish I had a 1950s typical June Cleaver house wife. To clean, to iron my clothes, to make dinner.

Because, here's the thing. I value my relationship with Fred immensely, and we are partners. I don't worry about him providing for me, though he does, in many ways. I don't worry about giving up a part of myself to take care of him, although I do (take care of him, not give up).

But I do get frustrated sometimes, because in some ways, I play the roles of husband and wife. In other ways, he does, and I want to recognize that. But, I both bring home and cook the bacon (not real bacon, we're vegetarians). I clean. I decorate. I cook, every night. And I make twice as much money.

Is this okay? Of course it is. He contributes significantly to the bills and to the household. He takes the trash out (something I have zero interest in doing). He can fix the car when its broken.

Does me being the main bread-winner cause problems? Mostly, you'd have to ask him. He's never expressed to me that that makes him upset, or uncomfortable, and I haven't pushed him. It certainly doesn't make me uncomfortable.  I don't work harder then him, I just work differently, and I'm at a different place in my career. No big deal.

I do struggle with traditional "husband" type worries, such as losing my job and not being able to provide for my little family. If we were to have children, I couldn't be the one to stay home with them (not something we are planning on though).

I do sometimes think about how easy I make it. I buy all the groceries, I cook all the food, I clean, I work on the garden. I spend a lot of time and money on making our life good. What else is money for, after all, than building a stable and satisfying life? I have no idea.  I'm not bitter about all this - should I be? I don't know. The only thing that makes me steaming mad is the rare times he'll leave a mess in something I just cleaned - which honestly happens so infrequently it doesn't register. Yes, his bathroom is probably a horrendous mess right now - but I can't see it, I don't use it - I DO care - but I refuse to nag someone to clean. I really hate it. Sure, i will stomp around BEING VERY ANGRY, but I won't nag. I won't ask twice. I will just be pissed. Is this healthy? I'm guessing no.

That brings me to - once in a while, I feel like I am the mom. I don't have any desire to be a mother to my grown-ass husband. But have I created that situation myself?

I don't think I would be very good at being dependent on another person. It's not a part of me, its not in my blood. My ability to be independent is pretty much the most important thing to me. I take care of others. Its kind of what I do. It brings me joy.

Who else out there understands what I'm talking about?

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