birthday bloggin

hi! so its my birthday today!! woop! I'm ..gasp..33. But I feel great. Really really great.

ok, so my question of the day today is:
May 2
Q: Are you hesitating?
A: Whoa, little question book. You can't be asking that of an engaged lady planning a wedding. Ok, well. So. Ahem. No, not hesitating. Thinking, deeply, about lots of BIG THINGS, yes. Hesitating to type that I'm not hesitating, so maybe a little bit. But really, feeling quite solid and happy about life in general, really.

Let's take it broader. I do, by nature, and by disease, hesitate. It kind of comes with the territory of panic disorder. I hesitate to do anything that will stretch my comfort zone, and so life is a series of hesitations. I'd love to be rid of it, but managing it and behavorial therapy is what I can do, so..that's what I do.

Where do I not hesitate..
When I know what I'm doing and what I want to get done.
To express love for those that I love.
At the thrift store when I see the perfect thing for that one place in that one room.
To sit back and enjoy life and maybe not vacuum right this second because its sunny out and I have a new book.

Another thing I want to do this year, is not to make grand plans and goals for "before 34" but to make small weekly goals each and every week to make myself better. (Thank you Danielle at Sometimes Sweet for the inspiration).

Week one of my 34th year..

Don't eat any of the processed packaged crap available to you at work.
Run outside 3 times this week.
Listen to the whole Beastie Boys album in one sitting.
Kick ass at that thing you have to do on Tuesday.

So, happy 33rd birthday to me. Thank you mom and dad for life and the life you gave me. I love you so much.