things i like

this volvo 240

greene mountain lake

this chair

this emerson quote

gardenias

san francisco

all the pretty pretty boys

top to bottom: matthew goode; diego luna; casey affleck; brandon boyd; conor oberst

baby dreams

Something strange is afoot. With the exception of last night, I have dreamed of babies almost every night for a week. I had a dream about being pregnant, which was totally uneventful, with the exception of me, pregnant and all. I had a dream about giving birth, in which I was slightly inconvenienced but all in all, it was, you know, no bigs. I had a dream about having a newborn at home with me. My mother was there too. I would put the baby in its car seat and it would fall asleep, and I'd basically leave it be for 4-5 hours, and then go, huh, maybe I should check on the baby, and then I'd go change its diaper, and leave again for another 4-5 hours. I spent a lot of this time pondering my post-pregnancy body, which was pretty damn svelte, I must say, and enjoying my time off of work by, apparently, sitting around daydreaming and checking on the baby every once in a blue moon. So, um, yep. I may not be a mother, but I have enough mother friends to know that none of the above is remotely realistic. What on earth is my brain doing up in there? What's with all this baby-dreaming with the ease and no-big-ness of it all? Is this what its like when the time to have babies alarm goes off? It hasn't crept into my waking days yet. Sigh.

formatting

what is going on with blogger formatting? All my posts are running together, ugh.

3/30 - 4/3 / 365

Mar 30 Q: Pick a color for today. A: Yellow Mar 31 Q: What inventions can you not live without? A: Well, I'm fairly sure I could live without, but.. Washing machines and dryers. Running water/indoor facilities/electricity. Cars. Non-stick pans. Refrigerators. Irons. Dry-cleaners. Record players. Elliptical machines. The multitude of fabrics my gym clothes are made of - so breathable and sweat-wicking! Apr 1 Q: Who are you fooling? A: Noone, I hope. Apr 2 Q: Who do you feel closest to? A: My mom and dad, my sister and my brother-in-law, and Fred. Apr 3 Q: Did you have fun today? Because? A: Well, its only 12:43, but so far, sure did. I finished watching Black Swan, great flick. I did some weeding and clean up of the garden, hoping its warm enough to plant very soon. The rest of the day should be lovely and relaxing.

3/27 - 3/29 365

Mar 27 Q: When was the last time you felt you were on top of the world? A: When I was praised by the president of my company for doing an excellent job of executing a tough project. It helped that I was on my way home on a Friday from a grueling week, too! Mar 28 Q: What do you want to remember about today? A: Good - the feeling of running - painful and exhilirating at the same time, i kind of love it and i forget at times. Bad - the President finally spoke about what we are doing in Libya Mar 29 Q: Write down a few lines from a song or poem that you identify with today. A: "Now I'm bound by the life you left behind"

3/21 to 3/26 / 365

Mar 21:
Q: The first thing you ate today was___________.
A: Decaf sugar free hazelnut soy misto and a protein plate from starbucks

Mar 22:
Q: Jot down a news story from today
A: Japan still dealing with nuclear dangers, from the earthquake and tsunami

Mar 23:
Q: Are you country or rock and roll? (or hip-hop, emo, folk, punk)
A: A little bit rock and roll, a lotta bit folk. some punk, some hip hop.

Mar 24:
Q: What did you daydream about today?
A: Going to grad school, working in the job of my dreams

Mar 25:
Q: ____________ made you laugh
A: My reaction to UK beating OSU made me laugh at myself

Mar 26:
Q: Who do you aspire to be like?
A: My mom

she's crafty

I indulged my latent craftiness this weekend with two projects - both small, one very small.

Here is the itty bitty project, a flower pin. I have been drawn to flower pins on sale at some of my favorite stores but really couldn't justify the price. I went to the floral section of my local Michaels and selected my favorite bloom. Popped the flower off the stem, glued a square of felt in the back to keep it in place, and added a pin to the back. Tada! I kind of love it.

The second project was a wreath to replace the pine wreath I finally took down a couple of weeks ago. I wanted something springy but could not find a spring-themed wreath that I really liked. I took the idea of a yarn wreath and used a springy color palette of various yellow. I like the results quite a bit, I think the only improvement would be a greater variety of flowers. Luckily, they pin right on, so I can change them up if I like. This was also a very quick project, its a green foam wreath form wrapped in yellow yarn (took about an hour and a half). The gerbera daisies are pin ons from Michaels. The yellow ribbon on top is from a roll of ribbon I just loved to much to pass up, without a plan for it - now it has a home!

What do you think of my foray into craftiness? Original, no, but definitely easy, and fun!

3/20 - 365

Q: What was the last book you read?
A: Right now I'm reading How Did You Get This Number? by Sloane Crosley. Just finished The Imperfectionists by Tom Rachman. Kind of struggling through I Think I Love You by Allison Pearson - its on my bedstand but the final 1/3 just can't hold my attention. I love books.

catch up 3/11 - 3/19 / 365

Mar 11
Q: What was something you wanted today, but couldn't have?
A: This may sound crazy, but I generally have what I want, and want what I have

Mar 12
Q: Where do you live?
A: I could answer this as: The US, DC, Virginia, Fairfax, in a townhouse, suburb of DC, Northern VA, in a house owned by my parents, in a house occupied by my parents for 11 years, 5 miles or so from my high school, within 5 miles of my immediate family

Mar 13
Q: If you could add one hour to your day, what would you do with it?
A: Read or sit in the sun, preferably both

Mar 14
Q: What is true?
A: True is factual, true is devoted, true is level/straight.

Mar 15
Q: What do you not want to talk about?
A: Money, I don't like talking about it, I just like when it there is enough there to be quietly comforting

Mar 16
Q: What do you want to buy?
A: What don't I want to buy? Ok, really, I would like a new pair of jeans, which I am holding off on until I get past this weird between sizes stage. I would like a 1972 Chevelle SS, preferably navy blue with white racing stripes. I would like a Volvo 240 from the mid 80s. I would like most of J Crew's inventory. I would like a beach house. I would like a row house in Capitol Hill and a home in Charlottesville and a loft in Brooklyn. I am, however, quite satisfied with what I have.

Mar 17
Q: What new activity have you tried?
A: This past year, working with a personal trainer.

Mar 18
Q: In three words, describe your spirituality
A: Atheist, nature, kindness

Mar 19
Q: Describe your work ethic
A: I have a great one. I don't believe in working endless hours for some kind of martyrdom or just to prove a point - I believe in working hard and efficiently. If I ran a company I would employ people whom I could trust to work their own schedules. If you have to work 16 hours to get something done on time, you do it. If you only have 4 hours of work one day, you do it. I think there is some level of ridiculousness in our 9-5 M-F work norms - I am driven by achievement and success and I think the people who are just punching the clock will continue to complete work as they do. I have minimal tolerance for poor work ethic and force myself as a manager to remember that to some people, they intend to only ever put in their 8 hours a day, and technically, that is ok. sort of. not really.

1990 - 1991

1990 - end of 7th grade, first half of 8th grade: At the end of 7th grade, I was in a play, with the older kids, called A Mouse that Roared. My role was the Page and I had an awesomely long speech. I loved it, the rehearsals, the cast party, feeling like the kid sister to the cool older theatre kids. I was blessed with not knowing yet how stereotyped the Drama Kids were at my highschool, and I just loved it. I also remember a couple of 8th grade boys doing a routine to
What I Like About You that was pretty damn sweet, but I can't remember which of a group of about 4 guys it was. 7th grade summer was spent mainly at the pool devising ways to get our hot lifeguards to notice us. We were slightly boys-obsessed, as girls are.

8th grade:

First of all, I loved 8th grade. I had a great group of friends that felt really tight-knit for the first time since moving to Fairfax. I was still a reasonably good student and mostly enjoying school. Things that jump out for me in 8th grade: Boys. Lots of them. Matt Carr specifically (where are you Matt Carr?). The 8th grade dance, which by some sort of law requires playing of "Doin Da Butt" and "It Takes Two" or maybe that was just about when I grew up.

What definitely WAS about when I grew up was the playing of Unchained Melody and our stoic determination to dance with "hot" guys to that song. We were successful (thanks Cristian and Drew!). I also vividly remember the Fairfax Fair that year as it was still held on the grounds of GMU and we were able to walk from my school.

Fashion-wise, we wore a lot of Champion gear and stretchy skirt/top ensembles from The Limited. Also, Vuarnet shirts. (French sunglasses, why?). I remember the Magazine Drive clearly, including these little fuzzy things with ribbons (bear with me) that you got for selling magazines. I don't remember exactly why they were enticing. This would have been around the era of slap bracelets as well. I can only imagine how annoying we were at this age, the lot of us. Oh, also, Motley Crue totally released Dr Feelgood. I discovered Skid Row (actually, that WOULD have been 7th grade) and promptly memorized all the words to I Remember You (I still can't forget them).

I somehow, by some grace, managed to narrowly escape NKOTB fandom. Michelle tried it, and I think I gave her the smack down musically. I DID however enjoy ABC, Boyz II Men, AND BBD. and really, freaking Jodeci. Or wait, that may have been 9th grade...

I feel like I had to have had some boyfriends, and I'm sure I did, in their innocence. Dave Kohne, yep. A boy named Carey that I met at Cameron Run. Large crushes on multiple hockey players and/or skate guards at Fairfax Ice Rink. Keith Michlik. Again, large crushes on our lifeguards (summer crushes/winter crushes - they were seasonally appropriate).

dreams and the past

I had a dream last night that won't leave me. It was a yearning, struggling, wanting dream and it has really thrown me for a loop. yet again, what I know isn't good for me v. what I want are battling in my head. and I have no one to talk to about it, or I do, but have noone that would consider a possibility my mind is forcing me to consider.

I was also thinking today, for some reason, about luckys. Does anyone still turn a cig over when they first open their pack and smoke that one last? (does anyone still smoke?) How many times in your life have you lit the wrong end of a cig? That is quite an unfortunate experience. I rarely do that anymore. I rarely drink anymore either, those may be connected =)

3/10 - 365

Q: What was the last movie you rented?
A: Love and other Drugs. Decent flick. Anne and Jake. I give it 1 1/2 thumbs up.

i'm gonna make it on my own...with a little help with some bloggers

I'm so excited to be taking a home ec class! just in time for spring and then summer! summer is totally the easiest season for a newbie dress maker! yay!

3/6 - 3/9 of 365

Mar 6th
Q: What's your nemesis?
A: Ah, my bitter enemy, my unbeatable foe. Its not a person, that's for sure. Could be panic disorder, that son of a bitch. Could be cigarettes but I think you have to put effort into beating something for it to be a nemesis.

Mar 7th
Q: It's not a good idea to experiment with ___________.
A: I can say this with experience...dying one's own hair if you are doing anything even remotely complicated or if you have fussy or fragile hair. Almost every time I've dyed my own hair I've been in the colorist's chair between a day to a week later. I did, once upon a time, manage to successfully bleach my hair platinum blond...but i had just gotten it cut mia farrow short, I was about 19 years old, and I STILL only rocked it for a day before dying it..brown. Thrill seeker, yep, that's me!

Mar 8th
Q: What's the last song you listened to?
A: That would be the last song on the B side of the new Bright Eyes album. I could look up the name, but I'm not feeling like it at the moment. I'll get around to it =) It's a good one, that's for sure.

Beauty Q & A

1) What's your favorite drug-store makeup product and your favorite higher-end product?
Drugstore, definitely Revlon Aqua colorstay makeup. It feels amazing going on and gives good coverage without being heavy. Higher-end, my MAC lustre lipsticks in Sheer Plum and Ruby Woo, and Tarte cheek and lip stain. Also Benefit Bo-oing! concealer is quality stuff. Stila Kitten eye shadow. Oh i could go on.

2) Is there one type of product that is your go-to, can't live without?
I could and would happily live without makeup, but I like to have a good, moisturizing, not gloopy lip balm/gloss. A good gloss can do your lips, eyes, cheeks, and set your brows too. Can't do much about shiny spots though, sad. My favorite gloss by far is Clinique Superbalm in Black Honey.

3) What is the best hair product you've ever used?
I'm quite partial to Aveda, but some of their products are a bit drying for my hair. I cannot get over the heavenly smell to this day, and I worked there for some time so you know i really love that smell! Sap Moss is my favorite and I really miss the shampoo/conditioner but I still use the pre-shampoo treatment. Also quite partial to Tigi Control Freak. I adore Moroccan Oil for keeping my hair healthy. Phytojoba Intense Hydrating Shampoo is my hair's favoritist shampoo evers.

4) Fess up, what's the worst beauty look you've tried to rock and look back at now with a little shame you actually did it?
I was in high school in the 90s, we liked a lot of matte lipstick and brown eyeshadow, which isn't so bad. I guess the worst look ever is the poof bangs of the late 80s, but EVERYONE rocked those, so I can't really single myself out there.

5) When it comes to beauty products, we all use the same basic products. What do you use that helps show off your personal flair and personality?
I like to wear my (mostly) curly hair natural (most) of the time. I believe in the less is more approach to makeup, and while I may have a lot of products, I use them sparingly, and they are used to enhance rather than change my natural looks.

Mar 2-5, 365

Mar 2

Q: Salty or sweet?
A: Sweet. I have had a sweet tooth my entire life - more specifically, a chocolate tooth. My favorites are godiva open oysters, dark chocolate sorbet, and samoas girl scout cookies.

Mar 3
Q: Did you sleep alone last night?
A: Nope - I share a bed with Fred and usually one or both of our two cats.

Mar 4
Q: What would you like to ask your mother?
A: Lots of things, I'm sure. What everyday life was like as a college student in the 60s. If she's ever slept with anyone besides my dad (they got together in high school, married at 20). I can ask her these things, and I will.

Mar 5
Q: What's your favorite word (right now)?
A: I made it up, I think, but I'm enjoying farked. It means crapped out, a nicer way of saying effed up. As in, that facebook app totally farked on me.

Feb 27, 28 & Mar 1 / 365

Feb 27

Q: Are you the original or the remix? Why?

A: nice one. hmm. well, I'm the second child, so in that sense, I am not the original, I'm the remix. In any other sense I'm the original, the only, the best ever, me. cause really, i'm me, and noone can compete with me at being me.

Feb 28

Q: When was the last time you were sick?

A: I got really sick back in..October? But just for 2 days - major stomach upsets, it sucked.

Mar 1

Q: How could today have been better?

A: Today was actually good...could have been better if my knees would stop hurting. I've got to figure out what's up with that because it makes an hour of cardio not so fun. Not that its ever FUN exactly, but usually I feel good and satisfied after and not all ow ow.

Feb 26 / 365

Q: Name one item you can't throw out.

A: I'm quite sure I could make a rather long list of these things, but here are a few:

1) my journals from age 19-25 or so
2) my original nintendo and my collection of games - no game will ever be as good as Mario Bros 3
3) my bridesmaids dress from my sisters wedding, although it is quite wee and I am no longer as wee
4) my docs from high school - just can't make myself
5) my grandmother's jewelry - and really, why would I? she has the sweetest collection of roadrunner jewelry

catch up! Feb 22 - 25 /365

Feb 22

Q: What was your prevailing emotion of the day?

A: It was TUESDAY, i can't remember! I guess there is an advantage to doing these on time. bad Sara. I think on Tuesday I was feeling pretty frustrated.

Feb 23

Q: What's the most embarassing purchase on a recent credit card statement?

A: Oh, I'm boring on this one, I only use my credit cards for gas and groceries. Its my debit card statement you want to take a look at :P But even then there are no individual embarassing charges, it is merely the abundance of charges that is embarassing.

Feb 24

Q: Today you've got too much _____________.

A: Strange to say it, but work! But i'm psyched about that, because its a relatively new job and I was struggling with the new job ramp up. I have a hard time when I don't have enough to do, my motivation drops.

Feb 25

Q: What's the last dream you remember?

A: Oh goodness, I have good/weird dreams fairly frequently, but I can generally only remember them for a small time after waking. I actually had a wedding dream the other night, which was a first, and it was about the plans getting all jacked up and trying desperately to find a a place to actually get married. It was weird and my mom was all MOTB from hell and she is just NOT that person, she was very out of character in my dream. mmm. what does it all mean.

my oscar bets

Best Picture: Black Swan
Best Actress: Natalie Portman
Best Actor: Colin Firth
Best Supporting Actress: Hailee Steinfeld
Best Supporting Actor: Jeremy Renner
Best Director: Darren Aronofsky
Best Animated: How to Train Your Dragon
Best Documentary Feature: Exit Through the Gift Shop

ummm...apparently I liked Black Swan.

Best should have gotten an oscar last year...chloe moretz for kick ass. dude. saw that movie for the first time yesterday.

Feb 21 / 365

Q: What is the current buzzword?
A: I don't even remotely know.

Feb 19 & 20 / 365

Feb 19

Q: Who is the craziest person in your life?

A: We all go a little bit mad, sometimes, right? This is a tough question. There are people in my life who are crazy in a good way, people in my past that may have been a bit crazy in a bad way. I think we all have a little crazy in us, hopefully. Keeps things from being boring.

Feb 20

Q: What word did you overuse today?

A: Probably "kitty" or "kitten". that's pretty usual for a day when I'm home a lot with the cats. ok now I sound like a crazy cat person. seriously though, fred was wrenching and I spent today cooking, at the gym, thrifting, and reading. not a lot of talking involved. but I did talk to the cat, mostly to tell her to get her ass out of the way while we were watching exit through the gift shop.

13-15 of 365

Feb 16

Q: What was the last performance or concert you went to?

A: That would be Bob Dylan at GW in November. It was a really great experience because 1, it was Bob Dylan - and as I say, my favorite songs of his are my favorite songs, period. 2, because I was able to go with my mom and dad and sister and it was really an amazing family experience. Bob kind of belongs to my parent's generation but they were good enough to share =)

Feb 17

Q: If you could change something about today, what would it be?

A: Thursday was a pretty sweet day, actually. I suppose if I could change one thing it would be the meeting I had in the morning. Can't say much about it here of course but the only thing that would have improved the day would be erasing that part. Also, less work, more outside.

Feb 18
Q: What is the most expensive thing you are wearing now?

A: Well its positively balmy out so I'm not wearing that much. I'm guessing my bracelet, but it was a present and I don't know how much it cost, but its Tiffanys (Fred is good like that). The remainder of my outfit is Old Navy jeans and a Loft t-shirt. Bra by Vickys Secret and panties by Hanky Panky. So of those 4 items my bra wins out, haha.

11 and 12 of 365

Feb 14
Q: Did you kiss someone today?
A: Of course I did! My lovely love Fred.

Feb 15
Q: Write down the cure for a broken heart.
A: I won't pretend to be an expert on curing broken hearts but I may be an expert on having them. Here's my tried and true if potentially immature approach:

1) Cry it out. Call in to work broken-hearted. Wallow in some girl movies, but try to make them empowering. I suggest Working Girl (not about prostitues, promise). Pretty in Pink. Say Anything (to commiserate with broken hearted Lloyd Dobbler). Stock up your couch with comfy blankets, chocolate, wine, or whatever else you find delicious and comfortable.

2) Go to Sephora. Don't make a hair appointment, break up hair can be great but is more often a mistake. Actually, book a blow out. Book a nail appointment. Go to Sephora and get your make up done. Buy some delicious-smelling bath stuff. Commence pampering of self.

3) Go out with your girlfriends. Talk, laugh, flirt. Don't go home with any0ne. Repeat.

4) Focus on work. You are badass, and you kick ass at work. If this is true, own it, and rock that shit. If it is not, make it true.

5) Hang out with your family (if you are close). If you are wrong, they won't remind you. They WILL remind you what makes you you beyond this guy.

6) Get thee to the gym. Take a kickboxing class. Sweat out the anger. Angry people burn more calories. Plus, you are making yourself stronger physically and mentally. Go.

7) Get some distance. No facebook, no google. No email, no phone calls, no texts. If you can convince him to move away I highly recommend it.

8) After 1 month of focusing on yourself, your awesomeness, your work, your friends, and your family, get yourself set up on a date. Or, go out with friends and do some more flirting. Or, check out online dating. These first few dates are practice for being swinging single and will likely not stick.

9) If you have things unsaid, write them down. Don't send them. There are exceptions to this rule, but be careful, you can mistakenly convince yourself that you deserve an exception. Ask the opinion of a trusted friend.

10) Repeat all of the above as necessary.

my valentine

look what my valentine gave me! swoon! currently playing the mamas and the papas, the beatles, and the velvet underground. dancing in the living room. yay!

10 of 365

Q: What is your favorite question to ask people?

A: Definitely what is your favorite band or song. I really think the music that people enjoy says a lot about who they are, or more precisely, how they can act. it may be presumptive or foolish, but I think that the diversity of taste and curiosity for new music is an indication of an openness and thoughtfulness in approach to life in general.

Also, i really enjoy discovering music new to me, and I love to hear about bands I may not have uncovered myself.

A question that more often than not follows this question in some manner is one's favorite concert experience. I've been to some pretty major concerts in my time, but 6 stick with me. REM's Monster tour. 1994 Lollapalooza, with L7, Cypress Hill, the Beastie Boys, Nick Cave, the Smashing Pumpkins, and more. Prodigy closing the HFSTival. 1998 Tibetan Freedom, where I saw Thom Yorke and Michael Stipe sing together on stage. 2008 Bad Brains on election night in DC. 2010 Conor Oberst and the Mystic Valley Band.

9 of 365

Q: what is your biggest obstacle right now?

A: i suppose the answer to that would depend on "biggest obstacle to what?"

right now, my headache and sore throat are the biggest obstacle to having the desire/energy to do much of anything. including blog, i'm afraid, so I'll have to add more to this answer later.

edit:
almost 24 hours later and the headache and sore throat are gone - thanks to the very effective medicine called sleeping all day. I didn't know I could sleep so much. But I am feeling better, so I suppose it is what the doctor ordered.

back to tackling the question at hand. I think in any case, one's biggest obstacle is generally themselves, when it comes right down to it. also, time. I would love to have more time in every day.

8 of 365

Q: How did you get to work today?

A: I drove my car, a 2007 VW Convertible. I took 29 to 66 West to 50 to West Ox to Legato. My commute takes 8-12 minutes. IT ROCKS.

reality TV

in movies and tv, I am always happy when they show the heroine at the gym. my fellow SATC fans will laugh with me when I remind them that while Carrie was always accompanying Charlotte (african dance class) and Sam (yoga) to excercise class, she was always shown half-assing it. Necessary, perhaps, for the witty dialogue, but ultimately unrealistic, as that 45 year old woman has a hell of a dancers body and you KNOW she works for it.

I have no ill will towards those who can stay slim without regular workouts - heck, I was that person for a long long time. I just think the truer and more healthy reality is that you must put in the work to get the better body. Thank you to the sitcom and film writers that recognize that the gym is usually a part of a woman's life, or needs to be if you want that TV/Film star's physique.

6 & 7 of 365

Feb 9

Q: How late did you sleep?

A: Almost embarassingly late - my new commute is so quick that I don't really have to get out of bed until 8am. I prefer to be up at 7am, but sometimes, by body says 8am. I'm okay with that.

Feb 10

Q: If this day was an animal, which animal would it be?

A: Something happy and kind of lazy...ummm, I'm thinking a dog. Like an old, happy dog.

5 of 365

Q: Are you in love?

A: Abso-freakin-lutey.

I am in a wonderful kind of love. The best. I'm securely happy - I know that sounds boring but its not in the least. I have a best friend who is a lover as well and there's lots more to know about him that I am thrilled to know. Everytime I learn something new I'm re-affirmed in my suspiscion that he's an amazing person with many different talents. And we're getting married.

4 of 365

Q: What are 3 things you have to buy?

A: Oh, you just had to use the word "have" didn't you? I'll take it literally, and then not so literally.

3 things I have to buy: 1) Food. 2) Electricity. 3) Gas.

well that's not very exciting. but it is an interesting excercise to really apply that word to my thought on purchasing. I don't even have to buy those things when it comes down to it. Well, I could grow my own food I have a garden big enough to do so, in fact. I could use candles and the fireplace (well, I could if it wasn't a gas fireplace, i have to buy gas, see #3). I don't have
to buy gas - well, yeah, I do, cause I have to go to work. but I could walk/bus/metro. and then I'd have to purchase transit tickets. still - we really don't HAVE to buy very much, do we?

Taken further, I would certainly say I have to buy clothes, if I hadn't already bought so damn many of them. Seriously, I should be good for years, but only due to starting from this state of overbuying do I not need to buy. Even then, I could sew or knit my own clothes, but would then have to buy fabric, wool, and sewing lessons.

I love the idea of trading/bartering, but isn't that what I'm already doing? The knowledge and service I'm able to provide is my job. I get paid for my job and I trade that for goods.

In all seriousness, this subject hits a little hard for me because I know that I am too much of a consumer. I do, however, make a concerted effort to buy things that are made or grown as locally as possible, with as little harm to the environment as possible. This does backfire..ever priced anti-aging moisturizers made without animal testing? But that is important to me, and so that is where I will put my dollars.

3 things I just have to buy:

1. jcrew brogues
2. steaks and prosciutto from eastern market butcher
3. caffeine free diet coke.

haha, that's more fun!

mini score

so i dropped by old navy today after my workout to try on their version of the wide leg jean that is making a sweeping comeback (sidenote - i knew everyone secretly hated skinnies). they were just ok, and they didn't carry the short length so I couldn't try those on. while I was there, however, I scored this sweet little grey gingham button down, which i'm sure will become a spring staple - and it was on so much sale, I spent about a starbucks visit on it. its supposed to satiate my desire for this jcrew buffalo check, but so far its not successful. jcrew's site has me in its radar as I am passionately in love with their brogues and can find no comparison - but am stubbornly refusing to buy said brogues, and therefore must visit them cyber-ly from time to time, and therefore come across other such lovelies - i.e. buffalo check shirt.

it may not sound like it, but I just did a major come-to-jesus about my clothes and donating a lot of stuff. i do a lot of window shopping but not as much actual shopping. i just like to think about outfits so that when I see something on sale that is perfect I already know it will fit in my warddrobe. its an approach. i'm trying my best to stick to thrift that I will actually use and/or is great quality, unique + sticking to my basis (AA t's, jeans, cardis) of which I have more than enough. when i want to go shopping, i go to the gym first - i'm sneaky like that!

happy superbowl sunday everyone!

3 of 365

Q: Are you seeking contentment or excitement?

A: While I don't think these are mutually exclusive, I'm going to say contentment. The word contentment makes me think of being happy with exactly where you are. Smiling to yourself as you are curled up on the couch drinking coffee and considering your life, looking up at your surroundings, and those you surround yourself with, and knowing it is good. Feeling safe, satisfied, and happy. That said, why can't you have all this and have moments in your life that excite you? Seems to me that is what life should be.

pictures of me

thought someone looking at this might like to see what I look like. I may post some outfit pics on a semi-regular basis. I'd like to, that is.

giving some slack on the chain of vanity

so , i have a hard time talking about a particular subject...my weight. Not to say that I am in denial, as I am and have been for some time been addressing it via diet and excercise, to positive results. here's what I have the toughest time with though..no, I don't eat perfectly (who does?). No, I don't excercise 7 days a week (3-5 actually). could I do those things? yes. but i wanted to establish a maintanable diet/exercise lifestyle, and that's what I have done. It includes dark chocolate squares and lazy evenings sometimes. of course it does, that's life. I'm proud of the progress I've made, and even thought it is tough to dig deeper for motivation once in a while, as I SAY, i've never EVER left the gym saying, you know, I shouldn't have gone today. I try to keep that in mind.

Here's where my real frustration lies. As i said, I don't eat perfectly, but I eat the way someone who maybe has that 5 extra pounds to lose does. I eat mostly lean meats, fish, healthy whole grains, veggies. the aforementioned dark chocolate is my treat. caffeine free diet coke is my vice.

For example, here is what I ate today:

Breakfast - banana, mini whole grain bagel with natural PB and a honey drizzle
Lunch - tofu scramble on wrap, 2 flax seed whole grain pancakes with maple syrup
Dinner - grilled shrimp, quinoa with sauteed mushrooms, grilled asparagus with olive oil and sea salt
Dessert - Scoop of dark chocolate sorbet

Now, I'm experimenting with quinoa and flax, and sometimes I don't get those healthy staples in my diet, but this is pretty typical in terms of a day. Now how overweight do you think I am?

Not 30 pounds, right? But yeah.

I should add that I'm on medication for panic disorder that is notorious for weight gain, as its ONLY negative side affect. In fact, 20 of these 30 lbs stuck themselves to me when I was on Zoloft originally, I came off that and on to Remeron, and added actually another 20, I've lost 10 of that.

Here's what really bugs me, and maybe I'm not giving people credit, or giving them too much thought..People I haven't seen since I was a sleek 122 probably think I've let myself go without caring. That part kills me. I care. I make (mostly) smart choices. I'm not making excuses for myself. I'm facing this, and I'm recommitting to it again, here, and every day, until I feel comfortable again.

Also, kids, there's no such thing as diet cookies. =)

-S

2 of 365

Q: What are you obsessively listening to?

A: Ah, music. How I love thee. I go through phases, that's for sure. I will never leave behind my love for Neko Case, Radiohead, the Beastie Boys, Bob Dylan, Cat Power, The Stooges, The Clash, The Beatles. I could go on and on and on and on.

Right now I've STILL got Arcade Fire the Suburbs on heavy rotation. Excited to check out the new Fleet Foxes. Dabbling in a little Serge Gainsbourg. First Aid Kit is a favorite. Jenny Lewis, always. Adoring She and Him - heard it in the Whole Foods last night, put a little giddy-up in my step =)

I love being introduced to new bands. Introduce me to some! Please!

a new project!

Hello! I just picked up this amazing book from Anthro http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?navAction=jump&id=20376364&parentid=SEARCH_RESULTS
and I decided that I am going to answer the question of the day here on my blog. If I miss a day, I'll catch up with the next post. The idea is to help me return to blogging regularly with some ready-made, and hopefully thought-provoking content. I hope you enjoy it!

Here is the question of the day for February 4th:

Q: Outside, the weather is ______________.

(well dang, could have started with a more interesting question!)

A:
Outside, the weather is..freaking cold. There is a 100% chance of rain and freezing rain this evening. Threats of freezing rain have been the weather theme of the last week. We got a decent snow storm last week and there are still snow piles around our driveway and sidewalks. I very much wish it would stop freezing raining and start snowing. I really dislike winter but as long as it is going to be cold, I would like it to snow. I'm sure Chicago-ans are not feeling me on this one right now.

February and March are always a bit tough for me as I get so excited about Spring on its way. Usually, we get a freak 70-degree day thrown in there somewhere, which keeps me going. Not this year! One thing that IS very nice though is that there is still some light left in the day again - as long as I get out of work by 530. The days getting longer brings a smile to my face!

sooo tired.

for the past 8 weeks, I have been working with a trainer on Monday and Wednesdays. I work out on my own at the gym on Fridays Saturdays and Sundays. I do yoga on Thursdays. Guess what? I'm freaking TIRED.

a little about us

What are your middle names?
Mine is Lyn, his is Frederick

How long have you been together?
About a year and a half – since November 2008

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
We didn’t – which is amazing in itself. We went to high school together and have a lot of friends in common

Who asked whom out?
Our friends set us up to meet, and then I asked him to go to a concert with me.

How old are each of you?
I’m 32 and he’s 36

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Communications about plans. I kind of wing it and he likes to know what he’s doing when.

Did you go to the same school?
Same high school. He went to Radford for college and I went to GMU and then UMD

Are you from the same home town?
He’s technically from LA but we both spent our teenage years in/around Burke, VA.

Who is smarter?
We are both smart, but our strengths are in different things. We both keep insane amounts of random information in our heads, making us good trivia partners

Who is the most sensitive?
I'm more likely to say when I've been hurt, but he stews over things. I think we're probably equally sensitive, I'm just more vocal about it.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We don’t really go out to eat much – I like cooking too much! But when I don’t feel like cooking we order from Paisanos.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Raleigh, NC – I know..such a long trip, haha.

Who has the craziest exes?
We both have some stories.

Who has the worst temper?
I think he does.

Who does the cooking?
Me almost 100% of the time, but I enjoy cooking and he doesn't.

Who is the neat-freak?
He is more neat-freak than me, but neither of us really.

Who is more stubborn?
Me. But he gives me a run for my money.

Who hogs the bed?
Me. And I kick too. A burrito the blankets.

Who wakes up earlier?
He wakes up much earlier to go to work than me but I naturally wake up earlier and am up hours before him on the weekends.

Where was your first date?
Awesome first date. Beers at a little dive bar followed by a Bad Brains concert followed by an election night party followed by watching Obama’s victory speech..because it was Nov 4 2008!

Who is more jealous?
I don't think either of us really are.

How long did it take to get serious?
It happened very quickly – just felt very right.

Who eats more?
Me probably. I’m not sure he’d eat if I didn’t cook for him.

Who does the laundry?
We both do, whenever we need clean stuff. We don’t really do each others laundry.

Who’s better with the computer?
Definitely him with actually taking care of a fixing the computer, and he knows about web design and lots of other things. I, however, am an Excel wiz.

Who drives when you are together?
Almost always me. I’m a nervous passenger and it drives him mad.

feelin kinda ragey

i never talk about work in the particulars here, for obvious reasons. and i'm not going to start now. but man there is something that has happened slowly and then quickly over the past week that has got me all ragey. it will bring change and whether that change is good or bad we shall see.

in related news, i want to move to the beach and be a surfer and a yoga teacher...fantastically original, I know. but since I'm not really going to do that, I need to find a good yoga studio for me in Reston. I loved my one in Arlington and Fairfax...maybe I'll just keep using the Fairfax one? There must be a good yoga studio or five out here in outer suburbia, right?

in other unrelated news, I am taking a weekend trip to philly and am excited!

in other really unrelated news, the new season of mad men starts tonight. hallelujah!

Monday monday lah lah lah lah lah

Also to add to my favorite things - the Mamas and the Papas.

so...what does it mean when your boyfriend says, maybe I have an engagement ring for you, you don't know. He's just..being difficult, right? for teasing sake? i am in this weird state where I'm all yes, want to get engaged, life with you would be wonderful and oh my god, life is like a really really long time. i didn't really notice it creeping up on me, but I'm kind of really fiercely protective of me. gee, can't imagine what may have brought THAT on. but I'm also a nurturer. kind of a dick, apparently. also very empathetic and caring. I'm just full of contradictions, huh? i have a weird lingering, big WHAT IF question in there too. but it ebbs and flows with its bigness and lingering-ness. oh i need to go think before I keep writing anythng down haha. one of these days i'll be brave enough to attach names to this damn thing. maybe.

1987 to 1989

First, consider here how skipping grades is starting to affect me - 1987 to 1989, i was 9-11. I was in 5th through 7th grade. yeah, i started 7th grade at a 7th-12th grade school of over 3000 kids when i was 11. This will affect me later. moving on..

In 1987-88, i was in 5th grade and i was pretty much loving life. I was an excellent student, loved my friends, probably started hating my sister a little, haha. i became BFFs with Lori, who would remain my best friend for years to come. i started noticing boys, but they were still pretty gross at this point. i kept playing the violin and enjoyed it and i was still doing gymnastics at Capital. I didn't like training during thunderstorms (I was scared witless of them for years, i love them now), because our gym was in a huge warehouse and man did that sound echo. you try flipping on a 4 inch beam when a thunder crack hits. But overall, yes, still good.

1988-89, 6th grade. Things started getting a little weird. I met Michelle, who would be my best friend well into my 20s. Our pre-teen selves (and Lori, we were a trouble making threesome, haha) had our first drinks - a very poorly executed orange juice and so co (ugh), which we discarded instead for a sam adams, split three ways, taking shots. We also played a LOT of Mario Bros 3. A LOT. School was good, but i the girls were getting cliquey. For the first time in my life I was concerned about wearing the right thing and looking the right way. Guess jeans and hairspray had a lot to do with it at this point. One of the "cool kids" gave me the nickname K-Mart..which I seriously didn't figure out to be an insult until much later. Yeah, my mom bought my clothes at k-mart (actually, it was BRADLEES, thank you very much)..but until this point in my life, it didn't matter AT all. I'm sure this happens everywhere, but i think its ferocity may be specific to well-to-do areas like Fairfax County. I don't know, you tell me.

In 1989, I started 7th grade..I was very proud of my first day of school outfit (good lord, it was bad). I actually got a pair of guess jeans, from the guess outlet store at Potomac Mills (begged, begged, and begged for these. if i only knew in 15 years i would not really blink at spending three times as much, at least, on jeans. my parents were smarter than me, still are). I had a..gulp...perm. I had some seriously kickin buck teeth goin on. I had an athelete's build, a gymnast's posture, and a baby face. oh and yeah, i totally got boobs before all my friends. i was naive. Man, i WAS SO SCREWED.

these are a few of my...

Favorite things:

1) Summer

2) Nighttime in summer

3) thunderstorms

4) the smell of the air in summer after a thunderstorm

5) running

6) the ocean

7) swimming on a hot day

8) fireplaces

9) hardwood floors

10) old creaky houses

11) mowing the lawn

12) cooking

13) cats, specifically the 6 that are part of my immediate family, more specifically, my two

14) all animals really

15) the boston red sox

16) watching hockey

17) spending time with my family

18) a good snow

19) old cars - kharman ghias, volvo 240s, bugs, mercedes, and most of all, 1972 chevelle ss

20) skateboarders

21) the country

22) the city

23) san francisco, ca

24) capitol hill

25) crisp white bedding

26) flip flops

27) laying in the sunshine

28) say anything

1983 to 1986

back in 2005 I started installments of history of my life..thought maybe hell, I'll pick those up again. SO...1983 to 1986, commence.

This is the hardest part of my life for me to remember, so be patient.

1983..I was 5 years old. I lived in Petersburg, VA, i went to kindergarten at Anderson Elementary. I started to hate going to school. I would stall my ass off every morning. One day, I pretended to fall asleep in my dad's car and when we got to school, I just thought i CAN'T let the facade fail, I shall pretend to remain asleep. My plan failed, sadly. My dad carried me into school, into my classroom. I still pretended. They got out a little nap cot for me, lay me down - I pretended all through the morning til lunch. They took me to the principals office, sat me down in his chair (sitting upright of course) - still pretended. I did not LIKE school, people. Dislike button.

Happy memory - May Day, dancing around the may day pole. Principal Cosby. learning to swim.

In 1984 I was in 2nd grade, because I skipped first. This makes me a major genius and gives me bragging rights forever. Ok, not really, it just makes me much younger than everyone I graduated high school with and that lasts forever and is good =) I may have been prouder of this fact, but my sister skipped Kindergarten and in our house skipping grades is de rigeur. Also, fighiting about 2 IQ points and who is smarter (me!) . I adored 2nd grade and I adored my teacher. I no longer hated school. I got chicken pox. That's it.

Happy memory - some dance recital where we had mouse costumes. I loved the mouse costume.
Memory I think goes here - was suppoed to sing You Light Up my Life at some event at school, lost my nerve on stage and ran of crying. Think it was this year.

In 1985, I was in 3rd grade. This year holds 2 big memories. 1) Challenger explosion. We had TVs wheeled in to each classroom so we could watch the launch. It blew up. The teachers flipped, us 7-9 years olds didnt really get what happened. First and only shuttle launch I've ever watched.
2) I found out one of my best friends was really really sick. Christa (hmm, strange coincidence with memory 1, never realized that) had cystic fibrosis, but I didn't know this until I was invited to a sleep over at her house. She was on some kind of respirator all night and I did not sleep for one little second, I was terrified. Her coughing was horrible. I'm sure I hurt her feelings but I was very very frightened. I'm sorry Christa. She passed away when I was in middle school.

Something else very very big happended in my life this year. Not sure I'm ready to share that quite yet, or if indeed, it is mine to share. Life changed quickly, I lost a friend, we lost a neighborhood that we had grown fond of. But I didn't lose much in the grand scheme, and I could have lost a lot. More later, on what I decide is mine to tell. I lost some respect. I didn't lose everything that means anything to me.

Happy memory - Brother's Pizza. Run by the mob. Great pizza. Also, donuts, with powdered sugar and chocolate cream filling. I like food, I guess.

1986 - Here's a big year. We moved to.....Fairfax County, VA! culture shock. MAJOR culture shock. However, I was still wee (8) and in 4th grade at Fairview elementary. My poor sister moved here and a day later started 7th grade a Robinson. Whoa. I loved 4th grade. I had my first crush (Mike Higgins, lookin at you). I got straight As. I started playing the violin. I made new friends (Hi Lori and Marcy!). I played tennis and swam at the Landings community center. Was good. Teendom is creeping up though...stay tuned.

Happy memories - Madonna's True Blue. My neighbor Aileen. gymnastics at Capital.

Hi again old friend

I can't believe I've only posted 5 times since I started this job. I 've been here 3 years! I'm sorry, to anyone out there that actually reads this, and I'm sorry to myself, because the point of the blog is really for me, because I love to write, because writing is therapeutic to me.

So..life. I have love in my life, great bounds of it. My family is truly incredible - each individual and the group as a whole. Very happy-making. I have love on a personal level as well. My relationship is at that point (almost 2 years) where it is settled and the settled feels slightly unsettled, if anyone can understand that. I'm 32, and I admit that, yes, I do want to get married. But I don't think I want kids. More on this in a bit.

My job rocks, it takes up a lot of my time and my mind and I love it, I'm good at it. Its not any different, I still wish I worked for an organization that I had a deep committment to in terms of purpose, but I love the people I work with every day and that means so very much.

Everything is not roses - I am healthy and capable, but I am still struggling with generalized anxiety and the weight issues that come with the medication for the anxiety. Seems to be no good way out of that one. I want to try accupuncture or other alternative treatments but I won't go off the drugs. My memories haven't faded enough to make me that brave yet. Anxiety limits what I can do, travel, etc. but it no longer limits my day to day life, and for that I am very thankful. I am doing lots of things that should address the accompanying weight issues and while they are having no impact on my weight, they are making me strong and good. I enjoy working out, my body feels good for the effort, I like focusing on what the human body is capable of. I've overcome the singular focus on a number on a scale and that, too, is good. I still, however, feel like the size 4 I was for 28 years and have not yet accepted, and don't think I should accept, that I am not. Its a goal. I shoudn't get used to this. Ideas are welcome, but I'm not going off those damn drugs, they saved me. Mixed feelings on this subject.

so that's out there. I'll be back sooner than 4 months.

ay to zee

ganked from Raymi.

A - AVAILABLE: taken.

B - BIRTHDAY: may 2, 1978.

C - CRUSHING ON: VW golf TDI

D - DRINK YOU LAST HAD: diet coke

E - EASIEST PERSON TO TALK TO: sister

F - FAVORITE SONG: probably hallelujah by jeff buckley. or star witness by neko case. or la vie en rose.

G - GUMMY BEARS OR GUMMY WORMS: neither.

H - HOMETOWN: i moved a lot as a kid, but burke, va feels like home.

I - IN LOVE WITH: fred. on a much different level, my frye motorcycle boots.

J - JUGGLE: knives

K - KILLED SOMEONE: only in video games.

L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: va to daytona beach by way of fort knox. don't ask.

M- MILKSHAKE FLAVOR: chocolate

N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS: 1 sister

O - ONE WISH: destruction of willful ignorance.

P - PERSON YOU TALKED TO LAST: fred

R - REASON TO SMILE: its Friday night

S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD: beck, lost cause

T - TIME YOU WOKE UP: 715am

U - UNDERWEAR COLOR: pink lace

W - WORST HABIT: smoking

X - X-RAYS YOU’VE HAD: 5 or 6

Y - YOYOS: i got into it for a bit when i was a kid

Z - ZODIAC SIGN: taurus. im definitely stubborn and loyal.

Exercise in something

Write something, write something, write something.
Something beyond this daily routine, not doldrums, no, love my job, but monotony is lethal and this world this place is monotonous.
Writing isn’t a panacea now is it but the words go somewhere or they sit, fetal thoughts in my head, resurfacing, reminding me that some people do more more more more and what do I do, I sit here, supporting this government behemoth indirectly without any ability to make change to it, I’m successful, I feed off and thrive off my success but fulfillment lives somewhere else. Run on.
I love with ferocity but never found the heart to hate even when I should, but I feel…deadened. Have, ever since, going through motions sometimes but I love, I do. Its not tragic screaming yelling need hate love passion so is it not love? Ridiculous notion and I’m damaged and this is love not that.
Must make a difference but differences don’t pay well now do they and the place I live sucks money admirably. Seven hundred square feet I pay too much for each one and somehow they hold..nothing, offer no structure for an organized life, just exist, and I exist within the walls, just…existing.
Whine whine whine I’ve got everything I need, success that was so recently beyond my dreams and has now become commonplace because really, this success is monetary and the praise comes for doing a job well done to support a machine I have minimal faith in. Money can’t buy love nor happiness, but I have both. I whine whine but my life is so good, so sweet, I don’t want more money more things, noone else, I want…satisfaction. Meaning. Calm. I can see it and feel it and I taste it often and its good and I’m almost there and look at that, writing made me scoff at my frustrations and now…I’m good again.

Why hello there, 2009

Ok, so perhaps this post is a bit late. And a long time coming. And I'm trying to recommitt to blogging, I am, and this is a timid and lame start towards that goal. But so.

It is 2009. Yesterday Barack Hussein Obama became President of the US. I am over-freaking-joyed and in awe of the steps he has already taken, his first day in office, towards undoing so much of what was done over the last 8 years. He is a strong, brave, intelligent man, and I keep getting tears in my eyes because I am so very happy and so very touched and awed by both the momentous occasion...and the everyday, little things you see in this man that really do convey emotion, intelligence, real feeling and thought. What a breath of fresh air.

But, I digress, the man has enough people expecting the world the sun and the stars from him right now, so I won't add to that.

2009, it has potential. Excellent potential. For me, personally. For the world. No pressure.

(Eventually) 30 things for my 30th year

I've been 30 years of age now for about 6 months - and I realized there are some things I'd like to accomplish this year - not 30 things, yet, but that seems to be a nice neat package so I will continue to add to this list. A few to start with:

1) Learn more, break through fears and take more risks
2) Volunteer at least once a week (doing well on this one)
3) Make my bed an oasis of soft white cotton and downy pillows that I can sink into (workin on it)
4) Take good care of myself
5) Run a 10-miler
6) Remind those I love how much they matter all the time
7) Wake up early once in a while JUST to snuggle with the animals
8) Write every day, its good for my soul.
9) Take a good idea and run with it, don't hold back.

"Location: Washington, DC
Compensation: Commiserate with experience
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Phone calls about this job are ok.
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests"

Tee hee hee. I believe the word your looking for is...commensurate, hmmmm?

and then?

soooo yeah! 5 months later here, and I feel inspired to type some words rather that use this page only for its links to other, more shall we say, attended to blogs. i have a new job, a new dog, a new wonderful people in my life. tis almost December and Christmas hullabaloo is about to come crashing down. many of my formally single friends are now happily settled in relationships and dynamics have changed.

i still feel a bit shocked and damaged and lost about E moving away, although that was 7 months ago. apparently the memories of 12 years do not go softly into the good night. go figure. but i am healing, i think. i struggle with thoughts that this is NOT my one, my lobster, so to speak. i actually still cannot truly fathom it. but i feel justified in my stubborn pouty behavior at times, because its helping me through. also helping me through, gene weingarten's excellent Tuesday chats. which i must go read now.

tata

random post #289

ouch, last updated on Apr 2, 2007. Its flippin June 15th! Apparently I was busy.
Ok, so I'm older, arguably wiser, possibly more bouyant (beer, its summer), and a little bit more sexxay. cause I'm tan.

Blog, life is serendipitous, you know? I am just amazed at the stuff that lands in my lap sometimes. When things are bad, sometimes things get awesome. Sometimes. Could I be more vague? No.

I think I have come to have peace with a particular persistant thing in my life, eh? And I thought it was happy peace. But you need 2 people for happy peace. But I need to demonstrate patience. Patience I say! I shall be patient.

Work is alternately lame as poop and kick ass awesome. What else is new I guess.

I need a change of something...I just don't know what. I'm training for a 10K. whoo.

ok random yeah its Friday at 5:11 and i'm at work. torturous, really.

ttyl blog.

spring sprung?

yaaaay its April. In exactly 30 days I shall be 29 years of age. Kinda happy bout that too. I feel much better at 29 than at 28, despite what a crazy f***ed up year this has been. Of course, I still do have that month for things to turn shitty...just kidding.

I think I shall go to an island for the b-day this year. With clear water. Never seen the clear water.

shoeses

So I have my favoritist shoes on. They are camel, leather, pointy-tointed, 4.5 inch heels, and I love. Except for this - I've never worn them to work, until today. I have on pantyhose, as I horribly unfashionable and also I work at a conservative type of place and also its cold. And the shoes? With the pantyhose they've magically grown at least 1.5 sizes. And if you've ever tried to walk in too-big heels you know that I look ridiculous doing that. So now I've stuffed papertowles into the toes and it doesnt feel good but wtf else can I do. Fashion is lame sometimes. If I stretch these shoes out with the paper towels and then they don't fit even without the slidy super powers of pantyhose I'll be mighty pissed.

In other news: NCAA tournament so far...grrrrrrrrr. Except for Georgetown yay.

dorks-r-us

apparently I'm kinda bookish...

Look at the list of books below. Bold the ones you’ve read, italicize the ones you want to read, cross out the ones you won’t touch with a 10 foot pole, put a cross (+) in front of the ones on your book shelf, and asterisk (*) the ones you’ve never heard of.

1. +The Da Vinci Code (Dan Brown)
2. Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen)
3. To Kill A Mockingbird (Harper Lee)
4. Gone With The Wind (Margaret Mitchell)
5. +The Lord of the Rings: Return of the King (Tolkien)
6. +The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring (Tolkien)
7. +The Lord of the Rings: Two Towers (Tolkien)
8. Anne of Green Gables (L.M. Montgomery)
9. *Outlander (Diana Gabaldon)
10. A Fine Balance (Rohinton Mistry)
11. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Rowling)
12. Angels and Demons (Dan Brown)
13. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Rowling)
14. A Prayer for Owen Meany (John Irving)

15. +Memoirs of a Geisha (Arthur Golden)
16. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (Rowling)
17. *Fall on Your Knees(Ann-Marie MacDonald)
18. The Stand (Stephen King)
19. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban(Rowling)

20. Jane Eyre (Charlotte Bronte)
21. +The Hobbit (Tolkien)
22. +The Catcher in the Rye (J.D. Salinger)

23. +Little Women (Louisa May Alcott)
24. +The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold)
25. Life of Pi (Yann Martel)
26. +The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (Douglas Adams)
27. Wuthering Heights (Emily Bronte)
28. +The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (C. S. Lewis)
29. East of Eden (John Steinbeck)
30. Tuesdays with Morrie(Mitch Albom)
31. Dune (Frank Herbert)
32. The Notebook (Nicholas Sparks)
33. +Atlas Shrugged (Ayn Rand)
34. +1984 (Orwell)
35. The Mists of Avalon (Marion Zimmer Bradley)
36. The Pillars of the Earth (Ken Follett)
37. The Power of One (Bryce Courtenay)
38. I Know This Much is True(Wally Lamb)
39. The Red Tent (Anita Diamant)
40. The Alchemist (Paulo Coelho)

41. +The Clan of the Cave Bear (Jean M. Auel)
42. The Kite Runner (Khaled Hosseini)
43. +Confessions of a Shopaholic (Sophie Kinsella)
44. The Five People You Meet In Heaven (Mitch Albom)

45. Bible
46. Anna Karenina (Tolstoy)
47. The Count of Monte Cristo (Alexandre Dumas)
48. Angela’s Ashes (Frank McCourt)
49. +The Grapes of Wrath (John Steinbeck)
50. +She’s Come Undone (Wally Lamb)
51. The Poisonwood Bible (Barbara Kingsolver)
52. +A Tale of Two Cities (Dickens)
53. Ender’s Game (Orson Scott Card)
54. Great Expectations (Dickens)
55. The Great Gatsby (Fitzgerald)
56. *The Stone Angel (Margaret Laurence)
57. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Rowling)
58. The Thorn Birds (Colleen McCullough)
59. The Handmaid’s Tale (Margaret Atwood)60. The Time Traveller’s Wife (Audrew Niffenegger)
61. Crime and Punishment (Fyodor Dostoyevsky)
62. +The Fountainhead (Ayn Rand)
63. War and Peace (Tolstoy)
64. Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice)65. *Fifth Business (Robertson Davis)
66. +One Hundred Years Of Solitude (Gabriel Garcia Marquez)
67. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants (Ann Brashares)
68. +Catch-22 (Joseph Heller)
69. +Les Miserables (Hugo)
70. The Little Prince (Antoine de Saint-Exupery)
71. +Bridget Jones’ Diary (Fielding)
72. +Love in the Time of Cholera (Marquez)73. Shogun (James Clavell)
74. The English Patient (Michael Ondaatje)
75. The Secret Garden (Frances Hodgson Burnett)76. *The Summer Tree (Guy Gavriel Kay)
77. +A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (Betty Smith)78. The World According To Garp (John Irving)
79. The Diviners (Margaret Laurence)
80. Charlotte’s Web (E.B. White)81. *Not Wanted On The Voyage (Timothy Findley)
82. Of Mice And Men (Steinbeck)83. Rebecca (Daphne DuMaurier)
84. +Wizard’s First Rule (Terry Goodkind)
85. Emma (Jane Austen)
86. +Watership Down(Richard Adams)
87. Brave New World (Aldous Huxley)
88. The Stone Diaries (Carol Shields)
89. Blindness (Jose Saramago)
90. Kane and Abel (Jeffrey Archer)
91. In The Skin Of A Lion (Ondaatje)
92. +Lord of the Flies (Golding)93. The Good Earth(Pearl S. Buck)
94. +The Secret Life of Bees (Sue Monk Kidd)95. The Bourne Identity (Robert Ludlum)
96. The Outsiders (S.E. Hinton)
97. White Oleander (Janet Fitch)98. A Woman of Substance (Barbara Taylor Bradford)
99. The Celestine Prophecy (James Redfield)
100. Ulysses (James Joyce)

f'ed in feb

Hi internet. It's February, so you need a post. Like to keep those months of archives listed up to date and all. I'm sorry I've been neglecting you so. I'm not ready to talk, blog. There is so much going on in my head and I think I'm going a little mad. It all feels so indulgent, it does. Therapy and drugs and what for, who how why did I get to this point and how can I make it better. I miss not thinking. I miss not being deeply mired in my own thoughts. I miss not having to focus every minute on my physical reaction to A, B, and C. I don't pretend to understand what it means to struggle with disease but I can only say I don't know how anyone ever deals with disease because I can't even handle the bizarre twisting of my own mind. Worse before better, I keep telling myself. It's gotta get worse when you face it head on. Pretending wasn't really working anymore anyway. But so far, neither is my cure. Day by day.

pretty darn cool

A senior partner at my firm was nominated to be the new "Intelligence Czar" this morning. And we employ the former director of the CIA too. Kind of a cool place to work...now if I could only finish that recipe for truth serum...

Two thousand zero seven

res·o·lute [rez-uh-loot]
–adjective 1. firmly resolved or determined; set in purpose or opinion.
2. characterized by firmness and determination, as the temper, spirit, actions, etc.

I don't actually believe in resolutions. I believe you should continuously strive to better yourself throughout the year. Much like birthdays and Valentine's day, however, i appreciate the tradition. In 2006 I took a hold of some things that had been bothering me, about my confidence, my health - and I've made huge strides towards reaching my goals. However, there are still many things that I would like to do better.

Some of my resolutions are quite tangible, some are more vague. I will strive for all of them with equal force and likely many stops and starts. But life is a journey of stops and starts, is it not?

In 2007, I will:
1) Quit fucking smoking already, geez
2) Run a 10K (I'm already at 5K, this isnt such a stretch =))
3) Take care of myself
4) Love my friends and family
5) Be the best friend, sister, daughter, and granddaughter that I can be on each day
6) Give back through volunteering

See, resolutions...they make me feel silly =) But good things, no doubt. Happy New Year!

My Favorite Poerty Vol 1

I come across writings from time to time that I love - but I always have trouble rememebering which ones they are that I love when they're not in front of me. The following is Funeral Blues by W.H. Alden. If you've seen Four Weddings and a Funeral you will recognize it. I just rediscovered it while reading Joan Didion's The Year of Magical Thinking. I think it is best if you imagine it as read in the voice of John Hannah (Matthew in the film).


Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.


He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.


The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Certified Human Resources Professional

I just passed my PHR exam! Kicking ass, takin names.

whoooooooooo Donkeys!

The AP has called VA for Webb. The Dems have taken both houses. Rummy's out. Thank you America, you've finally pulled your head out of you ass (albeit barely). Now STOP VOTING FOR AMENDMENTS AGAINST GAY MARRIAGE DAMMIT!!

3rd party dreams or derailers

You want to know what frustrates and conflicts me? This:


Allen (R)
(Incumbent)
1,006,876 50%
Webb (D)
982,054 49%
Parker (I)
22,107 1%

This is with 80% reporting in VA. Look at that Independant vote. Add it to Webb's votes. Match that up with Allen's. I get frustrated because I beleive strongly in the need for a viable third party in the US, but I think I believe more strongly in making a statement against leadership like Allen's. I don't know, I'd like to be an idealist but things like this bring out the realist in me. A revolutionary I'm not, perhaps. Maybe only in my dreams.

p.s. - yes, I realize these #s are fairly insignificant right now wrt final outcome =)

Don't use the word if you have to make one up.

Message Board Post from Anon (regarding the movie Borat):
"I found it slightly humorous, but then very offensive. I walked out! I'm not too old to appreciate humor and satirism. But this went over the line in my opinion. I just couldn't laugh and feel comfortable laughing. "

Personally, I am offended by your use of the word "satirism". But maybe that's just me. Also I prefer if you spell humor with a "u". humour. It's just prettier.

past/present tense. the question of the decade.

what do you do when you hold inside a love that makes you long for and wish for and daydream and it is, lo and behold, returned, with the same force and depth and truth and wonder, but occasionally and sometimes frequently life with this love makes you want to bash your dear sweet head in (not to mention theirs)? you sign up for therapy and then what? you let it go, huh? you think that's easy? you are wrong. there's nothing worse than two people who love eachother with all their beings but can't seem to get it together. its a tragedy in the worst way.

this is pretty much my first attempt at writing about this, this that has been a defining theme in my life for quite literally as long as I can remember. We'll see if I can do it. I can never get the words out right here. How honest can I be to all the internets? Well, let me unlink from myspace and we'll see....

ok really here's the real pic

shame shame

I have been scolded, mildly, twice today so far and its only 2pm. Shucks. The first was this morning at the 7-11. I ran in to pick up a soda and on my way out this bike cop with the cop sunglasses on (respect mah authoritay!) said something I guess but I didn't hear so just walked right by. And then he tapped his stupid baton thing on the column (no, no idea why 7's has columns) to get my attention, and says, ma'am, do you know what you did wrong? And I'm all, um, left my house without makeup? And he says no, you made a left turn across 2 solid yellow lines. Now, I can't really explain to you why this makes no sense at this particular intersection and I can't figure out how to imbed a drawing so youre just going to have to trust me this made no sense. Ok, I'll try. Basically there is a residential street (off which I live) that ends up at an intersection with a larger street, with a light. It splits into four lanes (two each way) right as it gets to the light. So your situation is that you are at a light, and are either in the left turn lane or the right. There is no straight. Ok, so imagine, right at this light there also happen to be two small strip malls, housing 7-11, dry cleaners, so forth. The entrances to both of these strip malls come off that residential street approximately 2-3 car lengths back from the intersection. You dig? The double yellow lines completely cover the length of both entrances. Meaning, the double lines extend farther past the intersection than the driveways to the strip malls do. Bascially, you cannot make a left into the stripmall on the left without crossing said double lines. So I say to the cop, UM, HUH? and he tries to explain, and I'm all, ok, sure, um, THOSE yellow lines there? Do you understand my issue with your explanation here? I acutally said, "are you allowed to turn left into here at all?" I'm still so not understanding what his point was, but I said, Ok, I'll make sure to watch that. Whatever.

And then, fun, I opened my office door this morning and stepped on a piece of paper (hate that, stop sliding shit under my door) and its all blue and in a nice font and seriously, this is what it says....

"Hello neighbors,
We have a very small favor to ask that we think will make a big impact on the appearance of the hallways and are seeking your help.

Each evening we put our trash cans out in the hall to be emptied and each day a great many of them remain in the hall. First impressions make such an impressions on our visitors and on all of us.

Please join our team campaign, that takes little effort and bring your trash can into your office. If you (sic) neighbor is not there, please be a good neighbor and bring their can into their office for them.

This may take some time to be 100% but the impact will be well worth the effort."


Seriously, CANNOT stop laughing. This is what consultants are paid to do people, THIS is what matters. bwahahahaha.

deep thoughts

If I ever wanted to open an online store selling pots, I would totally call it washingtonpots.com, because I mistype washingtonpost all the time and I bet it would get a lot of traffic

remembrance

I can't write well enough to express my feelings today, but CityMama out in San Francisco has done pretty well...I give you her words. Also, happy anniversary to my sweet Tasha, who made my day much brighter 9/11/2004 and every day since.

"Our broken world wasn't always like this.

There was once a time when I could sit on a plane without furtively scanning the faces of everyone boarding, feeling nothing but shame for doing so.

In fact, there was once a time when we never had to take off our shoes to get on a plane and we could take all manner of liquids and gels on board. Also, pilots used to sometimes come out of the cockpits and walk up and down the aisles to stretch their legs. I used to love seeing them, and I especially loved when one of them was a woman.

There was once a time when I would be able to sit in a crowded theater and not think, "Look at all the people in here...together, in one place... What if...?"

There was once a time when I could walk into my favorite restaurant and didn't have to watch the owners regarding me with sadness behind their eyes, wondering if I was one of those people that thought they were bad.

There was a time when I didn't have to be the first person to walk up to the woman wearing a hijab and abaya at Back-to-School night and give her a warm handshake and tickle her baby's toes (something I would have done anyway) to distract her from the rude stares and whispering.

There was a time when I didn't have images of big planes flying into big buildings and people holding hands falling from windows and distraught loved-ones clutching photos and pregnant widows etched into my memory forever. Who could even imagine such horror?

There was a time when I didn't have to think about what the last moments of a talented pastry chef who just moved to New York from San Francisco to work in a restaurant high in the sky must have been like.

There was a time when 2,700+ people from 90 countries were alive and well and their families and friends were whole.

There was time when I didn't worry so much.

That time ended five years ago today. That time—no matter how hard times were—was like a beautiful dream to me."

VMAs

When I was in middle school, the VMAs were always during the first week of school, which meant I was not allowed to stay up to watch the whole show. I was allowed to watch until 10 or 1030 or so and then I had to go to bed. This was probably more torture than not being allowed to watch at all until they were replayed (which used to happen far less frequently than the 24/7 repeats we see these days). Of course, back then, it was fact that there was something of worth in the second half of the show, something to actually regret missing. You can see where this is going.

I mean, yes, I actually do appreciate Axl Rose announcing the Killers, I do. Because the Killers are a good band and GnR is one of the best bands ever ever ever. But come on! The best part of the show last night was the sideshow, the Racounteurs. Did anyone else get the feeling that noone GOT the significance of those guest starts? Does anyone even KNOW the history of The Buggles in connection with the MTV giant?
I just felt like MTV was making a decent effort at recognizing good music and the crowd and voters just kind of went HELL NO, i want me some whiny shitty emo fucking mess like Panic in the disco (I'm not typing that damn exclamation point, you cannot make me) or god forbid Fall Out Boy. Who invented these bands? They suck! What's funny is that AFI kinda looks like them but you can tell that they are different because OH! their music is GOOD.

So here's the question - am I getting old, or is music getting bad. Because I like new bands, I do, a lot. The aforementioned Killers, AFI, and Racontuers all get a big thumbs up from me. That whiney shit and that blingy shit? Listen to it at the clubs, I don't give a fuck cause I don't DO clubs really, shit, I will even dance to some Kanye, I like Kanye. But not more Lil Wags or Big Pony or whatever the fuck. But do not give AWARDS to these people, man! You will regret it later in life. I mean, come on, I can justify Debbie Gibson in comparison to these people and WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME DO THAT?

And WTF is up with not giving awards to Madonna or the Chili Peppers, you heinous heathens?!?!

Also, I have not seen a video on MTV for some time. I tried this week. I think it happens when I'm asleep and at work.

blogger, dude

you just ate my ranty post about the incompetence of comcast, merely because I asked you to spell check competence, you buttface.

quite talented

By now, I figure I've logged enough hours to have earned a PhD in Blog-Reading with a Master's in Wasting Time. This isn't to say work has suffered, per se, only that I have suffered. Needlessly, I'm sure.
So why am I so scared of the day the offers from all interviews come in? I am dreading, seriously, DREADING that conversation. And its because I've done myself a disservice. I've not told anyone for months how soul-sucked I feel here because I keep being told what an amazing job I'm doing, and really, who wants to rock that boat until they have offer letter in hand? Part of me even thinks that I'm running away from an opportunity to make real changes here but oh then reality kicks in and smushes my little idealistic notions. This isnt a place for idealogy, at least not anymore, as far as I can tell.

today gets a big

what-the fuck-ever. I'm just...in a MOOD. and I feel a little guilty. But not much.

its so purty

microsoft can suck on this, everybody go buy a mac

I have confused myself today. Woke up this morning to the news on NPR of the terrorist plot that had been thwarted in London early today. Made me realize a couple of things, mainly that 1)something on the scale of 9/11 is going to happen again, we can't possibly catch them all, and there is more creativity in this world used for evil than I care to think about, and that 2)unless its nuclear, I'm probably just as safe 10 miles from DC as I am 300 or 1000. So no need to move then. All a very rational, logical, level-headed type of reponse to this stuff, typical of our times. I hope. I think there might be some people in Kansas or something losing their shit over this today. But I digress.

Then, the radio trailer for Oliver Stone's World Trade Center comes on with the Coldplay and the talk of heros and I start crying like a little bitch. Then I take the rest of the drive remembering where I was on 9/11, AS IF I COULD EVER FORGET,and then thinking about this article I read the other day about a father who lost his son in the attacks and thinks he has identified him as one of the figures at the broken out windows on the 103-104th floors in that really famous picture, and how that has brought him some closure.

So...am I rational or irrational here, I don't know. I am NOT a fan if this is just the beginning of the 5 year anniversary type happenings I don't think my emotions can take it.

Oh, and I forgot, how about we dont' play the commercial for that opportunistic tear-jerker crap in the middle of a report on terrorists, k? Cause that's a time when I don't want my ads to match my content. Oh wait, I never want that. You hear that? I never want that gmail, and washingtonpost.com, and every web site with ads ever, ok?
Thanks.

sigh.

Open word document to start writing stream of consciousness piece as work has become so dull as to inspire thoughts of alternatively going completely apeshit, throwing office furniture about whilst yelling I hate this goddamn place, or, in a more peaceful option, just seeing what kind of reaction I can get by just strolling into managers office and saying, I don’t give a shit and I feel like going home because while I have some things to think about, I have nothing concrete to do and have not had, for more than at most half an hour at a time, for quite some time. In theory I have things to do but in reality this has been my reality for several months now and both my time management skills and creativity are dying a not so slow and painful death.
I spend forty hours a week here, painfully, with every minute, trying not to smoke five packs a day out of shear exhaustion from all the monotony. You didn’t know it was this bad did you. Give me someone who wants eight hours a day to surf and Ill show you an idiot. I need a half hour to read my regular blogs and another couple of minutes on gmail chat and Im golden. Beyond that is a mind-sucking drain. I don’t go on the internet at home anymore except to look up needed information because I’m so damn sick of it. It is not acceptable to me to waste forty hours a week of my life here. Well, here is ok, but not with THIS. This is ridiculous in grand proportions. I feel uncared for. My desire to be proactive is waning and now comes and goes with alarming speed, although continues to be my one and only source of productivity. I have a brain and I want to use it. This just serves to make me want to say fuck it and return to retail management where I know I will trod home each day exhausted and reeking of consumerism. But at least I’m not bored nor are my Achilles tendons atrophying from the lack of movement.
But I’m not going to do that. I’m going to suck it up and I’m going to research and target and find something meaningful (and no, not in retail) that does not drive me slowly and than quickly mad. Life outside of work is flourishing which is maybe why the wasted hours feel just so unacceptable right now. I can have it all, right? Well that killed 10 minutes. Ooh and that's an interesting and timely phone call right there. Perhaps things are turning up.

perplexing things I learned at work today

the german word for colon (as in the punctuation) is dopplepunkt. The word for semi-colon is...semikolon. hmmm.

happy happy joy joy

THE HOUSE IS DONE!!!!!!

possibly only funny to me

ok fine.

frustration

anyone remember back in March? when I found out that I was going to be moving in to a new house? but it had to have some remodeling done first? that was supposed to be done on April 1? Yeaaaah....
It is now July 6th, and the house is not QUITE done yet. My kitchen was done, but it was done incorrectly, so now it is a war zone again. I've been staying with my parents since April 1. I am soooo frustrated but I don't seem to have any power to change things here. I don't even want to be bothered to decorate until this is actually done, but I am so tired of being semi-nomadic. I could have sworn my plan to have a 4th of July housewarming party was fool-proof, back when I dreamt of that far away date.
Complaining does nothing, really, so I won't go on, but really, come on, REALLY? You know what would happen to me if one of my projects went 3 months overdue and I had no rational explanation as to why? Fired 2 months ago, that's what.
Sigh.

celebration

4 day weekend is almost upon us. Its so close I can taste it. Can I just nap until 3?

in case you were wondering

No, its not that there is a lack of anything substansive going on in my life, its that I'm working stuff out in my head and if I say something today about my job, health, social life, etc., I probably won't mean it tomorrow. I'm on a zig-zag path but its going in one direction. Actually, that's pretty much always true. I do feel like I'm on the edge of something new and good. And that there may be some pain first - or just some sucking it up and moving forward. Cryptic posts are fun, no?

okay so I feel bad

for being negative. yes, I'm horrendously bored today. But I had a lovely weekend, and I should share that with you. I left work early on Friday and did nothing but laze about. I went up to Maryland on Saturday for an exam and a trip to IKEA and then I lazed about until going out to a birthday celebration on the waterfront, and that was lovely too. And then on Sunday I went sailing with my whole family and got lots of sun and my stomach was only upset for like 1 hour in the morning and that's really not all that bad. And then, we had a great big dinner from the grill last night and there was steak and corn on the cob and potato salad and roasted veggies and fruit with cool whip and it was good. So, yes, bored today, but not bored yesterday, and probably not again until at least Friday anyway, so YAY!

so serious

I'm so, incredibly, mind-numbingly, ridiculously, really really bored. And Friday was much like this as well. What am I going to do about this...I just don't know. Sigh. I'm so bored I'm almost not capable of forming complete sentences. I think my brain is slowing down to near stop.
I wish it was Sunday again. I needed like 4 Saturdays and 2 Sundays. Not because I'm overworked, no, because I'm BORED.

bad american

I am a bad american, maybe. I turned on NPR this morning and heard the news, that Al-Zarqawi had been killed. I got to work and opened up washingtonpost.com and was confronted with a close up picture of Zarqawi and yes, he did appear very dead.

My reaction is not happiness here, its something closer to disgust. I realize we are at war, and I more than realize that this man is a very very bad man. But I will never be comfortable with the celebration of death. Never. And I wonder why the rules of decency change so much. Why is it ok to splash photos of a dead man, even a horrible human being of a dead man, all over the paper with 24 point font screaming He's Dead! Really! We know its him!

I get it, I do. War is horrible. People get killed. Americans kill people. People kill Americans. Where do you draw the line between decency and exploitation? We are, through sensalization of his death, making this man a martyr, which is precisely what he would want.

I wouldn't want to see Hitler or Mussolini or Stalin or Jeffrey Dahmer or Timothy McVeigh laid out dead in front of me in some kind of sick showcase and I don't want to see this. Forgive me for not being overjoyed.

i can't really concentrate on much today

so I've completed this lovely oscar speech slash mad lib. Enjoy, or make your own!

Sara's Acceptance Speech for the Best Series of Special Effects Passing as a Story Oscar:

Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly breathe! I feel so blessed! And this statue - it's so suspiciously phallic! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to read in the tabloids that even in my wildest fits of self-loathing, I never would have fantasized that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other second-rate nominees, I want each of you to know how totally mega-pumped your jealosy makes me feel right now!

You know when they first told me I was n't blonde enough, I just had to take a Xanax and think about how great my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda numb

You know, there are so many back-stabbing two-faced harpies to thank! First off though, I want to thank the senile old bats of the Academy, who looked deep within their lint-encrusted navels before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank Vishnu, for being such a powerful force in my life. And to my sister, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the personal assistants I fired - I couldn't have done it without you!

Thank you America, and good night!