Today marks 25 years since my Grampy passed away. Clarence R. Fernald. He was 70 years old, and I was 8.
Last night, my parents hosted a get together in his honor with my Grammy, her kids, all the grandkids and a great grandbaby on the way. We looked through old albums, his medals and badges and dogtags from his 30 years in the Army, through WWII. His passports. The man saw the world. His college yearbooks. His wedding portraits.
My grandmother brought over something so very incredible, that I had no idea existed..cassette tapes of our family, from 1978 to about 1985. It was incredible to hear. There are tapes of my sister and I playing, as little girls do, making rules for this and that. I heard 3 year old me call for my dog Orson..and tell my Grammy, "Orson's not a boy!!". I heard the softness in my Grampy's voice as he said my name. I had forgotten that sound.
I heard the voices of my mom and dad, who were then the age I am now. I heard the voices of my dad's parents, which I haven't heard for 7 years. I heard the voices of my great grandmothers. I heard some strong Maine accents and some quite funny little girl southern virginia ones. My mom then, she sounds like my sister now.
I am very very conscious of my role in the continuation of this amazing family of mine. Late into the night, my mother, sister and I were talking children. My sister and I, we are apprehensive and we no longer have the luxury of time. We talk about having children a lot.
My mom told us last night, that her mom asked her..will anyone care about your albums, your things? That broke my heart in two, right there. I know my grandmother wasn't asking it to be pointed or to be cruel. But I so very much want my mother to have a chance to be a grandmother. I'm just not sure I'm going to be a mother. And you can't have one without the other, can you?
It is deeply important, isn't it? Passing love and knowledge down through the generations. Last night, it was a reminder that life moves. And that you shouldn't spend too much time waiting for what you want. Now what?
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Monday, August 08, 2011
frustration nation
oh, i am sooo very trying to be a patient girl. but I am frustrated with a capital F.
some stats:
Last time I ate anything fried: 2009
Last time I went to McDs: 2009
Last time I had milk chocolate: 2010
Last time I had caffeine: 2009
Glasses of wine I've had since 2009: about 8
Months I've been working out 3-5 days a week: 18
Months I worked with a personal trainer: 5
Net loss/gain in those 18 months: -5 lbs
And, just so you know I'm not a skinny girl fretting over a weight loss that doesn't need to happen...lbs away from a healthy BMI: 30
Some more recent stats:
Days I've been within my points on WW in the last week: 7
Days I've done 30 day shred within the past week: 4
Pounds I've gained in the last 7 days: 3
WTF, dude. WTF.
So, honestly, really, truly. I need to have a come to jesus with myself. Am I really doing everything I can? Am I being honest with myself about what I'm eating? Am I working as hard as I can?
Obviously, I should not be having this much trouble. However. I need to know if it something I'm doing or not. So, I'm going to do something I really don't want to do, but so it goes.
Goal for this week, 8/8 - 8/15. No dark chocolate square. No fat free chocolate sorbet. Just fruit for sugar's sake. Just fruit. Its kind of the last thing I can think to change.
And I know. Patience. Patience. Patience. I feel good and my clothes fit well. This is what truly matters. But damn hell is it hard to keep motivation up like this!
some stats:
Last time I ate anything fried: 2009
Last time I went to McDs: 2009
Last time I had milk chocolate: 2010
Last time I had caffeine: 2009
Glasses of wine I've had since 2009: about 8
Months I've been working out 3-5 days a week: 18
Months I worked with a personal trainer: 5
Net loss/gain in those 18 months: -5 lbs
And, just so you know I'm not a skinny girl fretting over a weight loss that doesn't need to happen...lbs away from a healthy BMI: 30
Some more recent stats:
Days I've been within my points on WW in the last week: 7
Days I've done 30 day shred within the past week: 4
Pounds I've gained in the last 7 days: 3
WTF, dude. WTF.
So, honestly, really, truly. I need to have a come to jesus with myself. Am I really doing everything I can? Am I being honest with myself about what I'm eating? Am I working as hard as I can?
Obviously, I should not be having this much trouble. However. I need to know if it something I'm doing or not. So, I'm going to do something I really don't want to do, but so it goes.
Goal for this week, 8/8 - 8/15. No dark chocolate square. No fat free chocolate sorbet. Just fruit for sugar's sake. Just fruit. Its kind of the last thing I can think to change.
And I know. Patience. Patience. Patience. I feel good and my clothes fit well. This is what truly matters. But damn hell is it hard to keep motivation up like this!
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
update on the health front
Hi!
Just thought I'd give a little update on the diet (not a diet) and the exercising front. This morning, I did Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. That is deceptively hard. I'm all, oh yeah, Jillian, bring it on, jumping jacks and squats, I've got this covered. After 15 minutes, yeah, covered in sweat. Good way to start the day though, thumbs up.
I decided to add in a little at home, early morning kind of workout to my routine, to kind of cover me on those days where the last thing I want to do after work is go go to the gym. I still plan on heading to the gym 4-5 times a week, but getting the 30 minute workout done in the AM is a good way to ensure I get it done, no matter what else my day throws out at me.
As for diet - still following along on my plan to eat mostly Paleo. I've been getting a little bored, so I picked up Tosca's Eat Clean cookbook (the first one I think) and I've been trying out some recipes. Had fajitas last night, marinated in lime, lemon, pineapple juice, chili powder, garlic, a little salt and pepper. Delish.
So, its going.
Just thought I'd give a little update on the diet (not a diet) and the exercising front. This morning, I did Jillian Michaels' 30 day shred. That is deceptively hard. I'm all, oh yeah, Jillian, bring it on, jumping jacks and squats, I've got this covered. After 15 minutes, yeah, covered in sweat. Good way to start the day though, thumbs up.
I decided to add in a little at home, early morning kind of workout to my routine, to kind of cover me on those days where the last thing I want to do after work is go go to the gym. I still plan on heading to the gym 4-5 times a week, but getting the 30 minute workout done in the AM is a good way to ensure I get it done, no matter what else my day throws out at me.
As for diet - still following along on my plan to eat mostly Paleo. I've been getting a little bored, so I picked up Tosca's Eat Clean cookbook (the first one I think) and I've been trying out some recipes. Had fajitas last night, marinated in lime, lemon, pineapple juice, chili powder, garlic, a little salt and pepper. Delish.
So, its going.
Monday, August 01, 2011
Week 13 recap / Week 14 Goals
Really, its August? I'm not sure I'm ready for it to be August. I need to take a vacation, immediately. Well at least soon. The week after Labor day, I'm thinking.
So this week was pretty light on the goals..let's see how I did.
Week 13 Goals
1) No processed crap (again)
Done!
2) Daytrip to Richmond
Wasn't feeling Richmond. Went to Middleburg instead.
3) Try to finish the shirt I started sewing (patterns make me stabby!)
Patterns still make me stabby. However, I made my own pattern, for a wrap skirt, busted that thing out in like 3 hours on Friday night, wore it Saturday. I'll call this a success. However, still going to tackle that silly shirt.
And for week 14.
A break from goals! Just a little break. One week only. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all wild and lawless =)
edit: almost forgot, I have to make a "going somewhere" goal. I think I need a free going somewhere goal, so I'm going to make it a day at Great Falls. its been too long!
So this week was pretty light on the goals..let's see how I did.
Week 13 Goals
1) No processed crap (again)
Done!
2) Daytrip to Richmond
Wasn't feeling Richmond. Went to Middleburg instead.
3) Try to finish the shirt I started sewing (patterns make me stabby!)
Patterns still make me stabby. However, I made my own pattern, for a wrap skirt, busted that thing out in like 3 hours on Friday night, wore it Saturday. I'll call this a success. However, still going to tackle that silly shirt.
And for week 14.
A break from goals! Just a little break. One week only. Don't worry, I'm not going to go all wild and lawless =)
edit: almost forgot, I have to make a "going somewhere" goal. I think I need a free going somewhere goal, so I'm going to make it a day at Great Falls. its been too long!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
a few more questions
Took these from Zoe at Pretty Zoo..I just really like them!
Have you ever won a competition or contest?
I have. I won an essay contest from the Optimists Club of Fairfax. I've won trivia contests a couple of times, received gift cards for restaurants, bars, Visa gift cards.
If you had a snail that could magically grant wishes, what would you name it?
Bob
Name three things you love starting with the letter R.
Rooster (my cat Bella's nickname)
Ravioli (mushroom)
Rain!
How would you rank the colors of the rainbow from best to worst?
Orange. Blue. Red. Green. Purple. Yellow.
Fill in the blank: I am a closet _______ fan.
Bethanny Ever After. Hush.
Have you ever won a competition or contest?
I have. I won an essay contest from the Optimists Club of Fairfax. I've won trivia contests a couple of times, received gift cards for restaurants, bars, Visa gift cards.
If you had a snail that could magically grant wishes, what would you name it?
Bob
Name three things you love starting with the letter R.
Rooster (my cat Bella's nickname)
Ravioli (mushroom)
Rain!
How would you rank the colors of the rainbow from best to worst?
Orange. Blue. Red. Green. Purple. Yellow.
Fill in the blank: I am a closet _______ fan.
Bethanny Ever After. Hush.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
7/11 - 7/30 365
July 11th
Q: If you were a literary character, who would you be?
A: Bridget Jones, perhaps? Although significantly more professionally successful. And in a happy relationship. So maybe Edge of Reason Brigde, minus the jail? Wait, no, I'm just not much like Bridget Jones.
July 12th
Q: ______________ is perfect
A: The minutes just after a summer rain storm. bliss.
July 13th
Q: What are you sentimental about?
A: Oh gosh, everything? My childhood.
July 14th
Q: Do you have a secret? More than one?
A: I do. just the one.
July 15th
Q: What is your heroic downfall? Your achilles heel?
A: i get bored easily. not much of a heroic downfall, is it? you'd be surprised.
July 16th
Q: Are you wearing socks?
A: Never. Except for when running or at the gym. I kind of hate socks.
July 17th
Q: How can you help?
A: I can spend more time volunteering like i used to.
July 18th
Q: What are the ingredients for a perfect day?
A: Summer. About 80. Fresh cup of coffee to start the day, maybe a big ole blueberry muffin. NYT Crossword. Sewing. Reading. Late brunch with the family. A nice long walk outside. Water, flowing in its natural state (river or lake or ocean). Sand in my toes. Crab feast and conversation with great friends. Cold glass of pinot grigio on the deck. More reading. Everything organized and clean. Crisp clean cool sheets and a cool breeze. Kitties sleeping on the bed. A small and perfect piece of dark dark chocolate.
July 19th
Q: What do you need to throw away?
A: I don't need to throw anything away, but there are things that could go to goodwill.
July 20th
Q: Does anything hurt today?
A: Nope, I'm good =)
July 21st
Q: Who was the last person to make you angry?
A: Hell, probably John Boehner
July 22nd
Q: Where do you go for good ideas?
A: To the internets! Seriously, there is a lot of inspiration out there!
July 23rd
Q: What was the last thing you baked or cooked?
A: I bake or cook every day! I made blueberry muffins this morning with fresh picked blueberries, yum!!
July 24th
Q: What's in your fridge?
A: Lots! Some leftovers (chicken caccitaore and shrimp). Veggies (squash, asparagus). Fruit (apples, grapes, papaya). Dinner ingredients (pork loin). Milk (Soy). Various cheeses. Ham. Bacon. Eggs. Coffee creamer. Ketchup. Fig Jam (yum!). Mustard, Mayo). Couple of sodas. Bottle of wine (which i may have a glass of one of these days).
July 25th
Q: If you could hire any artist, living or dead, to paint your portrait, who would you pick?
A: Well, if I was going to pick any artist to make a painting for me, it would probably be pollock. but for a portrait, I could go classic wharhol, or I could go klimt
July 26th
Q: Are you working hard or hardly working?
A: Working medium hard
July 27th
Q: What can you smell right now?
A: Nothing. But if I smell my wrist, I can smell the perfume I sampled earlier.
July 28th
Q: Write a phrase to describe your year so far.
A: In like a lion, feeling much more lamb like these days.
July 29th
Q: What was the last road trip you took?
A: How far do you have to travel to constitute a road trip? Out of state doesn't count, cause I can cheat with Maryland. I went to Raleigh, that's decently far.
July 30th
Q: Today was unusual because _______
A: It hasn't really been yet. I went to Middleburg, which is not a normal Saturday trip, but far from unusual...
Q: If you were a literary character, who would you be?
A: Bridget Jones, perhaps? Although significantly more professionally successful. And in a happy relationship. So maybe Edge of Reason Brigde, minus the jail? Wait, no, I'm just not much like Bridget Jones.
July 12th
Q: ______________ is perfect
A: The minutes just after a summer rain storm. bliss.
July 13th
Q: What are you sentimental about?
A: Oh gosh, everything? My childhood.
July 14th
Q: Do you have a secret? More than one?
A: I do. just the one.
July 15th
Q: What is your heroic downfall? Your achilles heel?
A: i get bored easily. not much of a heroic downfall, is it? you'd be surprised.
July 16th
Q: Are you wearing socks?
A: Never. Except for when running or at the gym. I kind of hate socks.
July 17th
Q: How can you help?
A: I can spend more time volunteering like i used to.
July 18th
Q: What are the ingredients for a perfect day?
A: Summer. About 80. Fresh cup of coffee to start the day, maybe a big ole blueberry muffin. NYT Crossword. Sewing. Reading. Late brunch with the family. A nice long walk outside. Water, flowing in its natural state (river or lake or ocean). Sand in my toes. Crab feast and conversation with great friends. Cold glass of pinot grigio on the deck. More reading. Everything organized and clean. Crisp clean cool sheets and a cool breeze. Kitties sleeping on the bed. A small and perfect piece of dark dark chocolate.
July 19th
Q: What do you need to throw away?
A: I don't need to throw anything away, but there are things that could go to goodwill.
July 20th
Q: Does anything hurt today?
A: Nope, I'm good =)
July 21st
Q: Who was the last person to make you angry?
A: Hell, probably John Boehner
July 22nd
Q: Where do you go for good ideas?
A: To the internets! Seriously, there is a lot of inspiration out there!
July 23rd
Q: What was the last thing you baked or cooked?
A: I bake or cook every day! I made blueberry muffins this morning with fresh picked blueberries, yum!!
July 24th
Q: What's in your fridge?
A: Lots! Some leftovers (chicken caccitaore and shrimp). Veggies (squash, asparagus). Fruit (apples, grapes, papaya). Dinner ingredients (pork loin). Milk (Soy). Various cheeses. Ham. Bacon. Eggs. Coffee creamer. Ketchup. Fig Jam (yum!). Mustard, Mayo). Couple of sodas. Bottle of wine (which i may have a glass of one of these days).
July 25th
Q: If you could hire any artist, living or dead, to paint your portrait, who would you pick?
A: Well, if I was going to pick any artist to make a painting for me, it would probably be pollock. but for a portrait, I could go classic wharhol, or I could go klimt
July 26th
Q: Are you working hard or hardly working?
A: Working medium hard
July 27th
Q: What can you smell right now?
A: Nothing. But if I smell my wrist, I can smell the perfume I sampled earlier.
July 28th
Q: Write a phrase to describe your year so far.
A: In like a lion, feeling much more lamb like these days.
July 29th
Q: What was the last road trip you took?
A: How far do you have to travel to constitute a road trip? Out of state doesn't count, cause I can cheat with Maryland. I went to Raleigh, that's decently far.
July 30th
Q: Today was unusual because _______
A: It hasn't really been yet. I went to Middleburg, which is not a normal Saturday trip, but far from unusual...
i heart the weekend
hey, here's something brand new for ya - saturday sara! i never take weekend pics. but I thought I would today. So here's me, upon return from Post Office and Starbucks this morning.
that T is from anthropologie, the sandals are old navy. and the skirt? the skirt is handmade, by me. last night, while simultaneously making dinner. because i am awesome.
seriously, its a little wonky, but i made a piece of clothing, without a pattern, from a picture in my head, and it turned out to be something i will wear often. crazy. loving it.
in other news, i can't seem to find my question a day book....but when i find it i have catch up to do!
that T is from anthropologie, the sandals are old navy. and the skirt? the skirt is handmade, by me. last night, while simultaneously making dinner. because i am awesome.
seriously, its a little wonky, but i made a piece of clothing, without a pattern, from a picture in my head, and it turned out to be something i will wear often. crazy. loving it.
in other news, i can't seem to find my question a day book....but when i find it i have catch up to do!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
24 like agent jack bauer. but not really.
I won't pretend this was a conscious choice, but my outfit did happen to be in my 30 for 30 today, so I guess this is number 24. But lets be honest, its not really, now is it?
I got highlights in my hair yesterday, and I like them a lot, except for the fact that I don't like the look of brand new highlights. I love them, when they grow out juuuust a little. But that's ok.
I also got my brows done and they are still are irritated. Booo hiss. Also, maybe a little crooked. Not sure.
Don't you hate in when you drop a boatload of cash on self-beautifying and the results are kind of, yeah, that's pretty good.
Although..I also got the hair professionally blow dried and that pretty much makes up for anything else. I really need to hire someone to do that for me twice a week. I'll pay decently. Who's up for it?
So yep, this is what I'm wearing today:
We'll call this 24. This is 10+15+20, if you were curious.
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Eastern Market
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Hair: Fabulous.
I got highlights in my hair yesterday, and I like them a lot, except for the fact that I don't like the look of brand new highlights. I love them, when they grow out juuuust a little. But that's ok.
I also got my brows done and they are still are irritated. Booo hiss. Also, maybe a little crooked. Not sure.
Don't you hate in when you drop a boatload of cash on self-beautifying and the results are kind of, yeah, that's pretty good.
Although..I also got the hair professionally blow dried and that pretty much makes up for anything else. I really need to hire someone to do that for me twice a week. I'll pay decently. Who's up for it?
So yep, this is what I'm wearing today:
We'll call this 24. This is 10+15+20, if you were curious.
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Eastern Market
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Hair: Fabulous.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
just a wednesday
I don't have much to say today...hmmmm.
okay, here's my outfit. No, not 30 for 30. I get like a D minus on 30 for 30 I think.
Top: J Crew
Sweater: J Crew
Pants: Victorias Secret
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Banana Republic
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
okay, here's my outfit. No, not 30 for 30. I get like a D minus on 30 for 30 I think.
Top: J Crew
Sweater: J Crew
Pants: Victorias Secret
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Banana Republic
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
Monday, July 25, 2011
Week 12 recap / Week 13 Goals
Good Monday morning! Still hot.
Week 12 Goals
1) No processed crap from the work kitchen at all! (this is a goal I've used in the past, and a good reminder to take my happy ass to the whole foods for a salad if I'm hungry)
Done, a success, woohoo!
2) Its supposed to be eleventybillion this week outside, so I'm gonna say take it to the gym x 3
Done!
3) Go on a daytrip down to Richmond (Carytown)
Tooo hot. Next weekend?
4) Finish the quilt!
Done!
Week 13 Goals
1) No processed crap (again)
2) Daytrip to Richmond
3) Try to finish the shirt I started sewing (patterns make me stabby!)
Week 12 Goals
1) No processed crap from the work kitchen at all! (this is a goal I've used in the past, and a good reminder to take my happy ass to the whole foods for a salad if I'm hungry)
Done, a success, woohoo!
2) Its supposed to be eleventybillion this week outside, so I'm gonna say take it to the gym x 3
Done!
3) Go on a daytrip down to Richmond (Carytown)
Tooo hot. Next weekend?
4) Finish the quilt!
Done!
Week 13 Goals
1) No processed crap (again)
2) Daytrip to Richmond
3) Try to finish the shirt I started sewing (patterns make me stabby!)
Thursday, July 21, 2011
nobody likes you when you're 23
This outfit isn't my favorite. But, they can't all be. In other news,
all other news..its really hot. as in over 100 everyday. and humid. i don't think we should subjected to dressing for work in this weather.
ok, here we go!
This outfit is 1+14+23. Okay, I almost mentioned it yesterday, but this is getting weird. On day 21, I wore item 21. Same on day 22. Same on day 23. This has not been on purpose.
Belt: Tabolts
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
I'm going to have my first acupuncture session in about 3 hours =) I'll try to get some pics of my lookin like pinhead.
all other news..its really hot. as in over 100 everyday. and humid. i don't think we should subjected to dressing for work in this weather.
ok, here we go!
This outfit is 1+14+23. Okay, I almost mentioned it yesterday, but this is getting weird. On day 21, I wore item 21. Same on day 22. Same on day 23. This has not been on purpose.
Belt: Tabolts
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
I'm going to have my first acupuncture session in about 3 hours =) I'll try to get some pics of my lookin like pinhead.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
deuce deuce
Morning! I just thought it was Tuesday for a minute. It is Wednesday, right? Yes, Wednesday. Hate when that happens. Although better than thinking its Wednesday to find out its Tuesday.
Here's today's outfit - #22!
This is 3+11+22.
Necklace: Random vendor at Eastern Market (the best kind)
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Shoes: Nine West
Here's today's outfit - #22!
This is 3+11+22.
Necklace: Random vendor at Eastern Market (the best kind)
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Shoes: Nine West
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
inspiration from an unlikely place
I just hit on a bit of a treasure trove of old pictures. and I found this one (yes, there is someone holding up the other end of the door, Dana). I was 29 in this picture, so its just about 4 years ago, I think. This, for whatever reason, captures my goal weight. Weird, huh? So here it is, my goal.
Its not that far off. Its me, which helps. It is not my goal, however, to start stealing doors OR playing beer pong on said doors again. Although I weighed much less when I drank often. Hmmmmm. No.
Its not that far off. Its me, which helps. It is not my goal, however, to start stealing doors OR playing beer pong on said doors again. Although I weighed much less when I drank often. Hmmmmm. No.
Week 11 recap / Week 12 Goals
Morning! Its that time again for see what Sara didn't do this week! I kid, I kid. I did pretty decently this week.
One thing I talked about this week, and re-focused on, was my need to go outside my comfort zone! I need to start taking trips again. Small at first, and then longer and further away. So, this week, I went to DC. This doesn't really count, I do this all the time and live 13 miles away. But each week, I will be including a travel goal. It may be small, it may be the same for a couple of weeks at a time (I can't afford to travel every weekend, nor do I want to!). So there's that.
Here's how I did:
Week 11 Goals
1) Run outside at least 2 mornings - yeah, just once.
2) Take some time to relax and explore some thrift stores
this weekend! - farmers market/flea market, but same concept. Complete!
3) I have a very important appointment on Thursday - I'm taking the day off of work, but work is also crazy busy right now - I need to make sure my mind is only in one place at once!
I think I did successfully drag focus away from work for the first half of Thursday. Attention was paid to the appointment.
4) Get back on this 30 for 30 train, man am I a dirty cheater! And done. Under the wire.
5) Go on a date with Fred =) Yeah, he didn't want to go out for a beer. So we had steaks and deliciousness for dinner instead, and watched a movie. Was nice. I still want to go out for a beer (and I don't drink)...but its summer! Nothing better than a summer night. This weekend!
Week 12 Goals
1) No processed crap from the work kitchen at all! (this is a goal I've used in the past, and a good reminder to take my happy ass to the whole foods for a salad if I'm hungry)
2) Its supposed to be eleventybillion this week outside, so I'm gonna say take it to the gym x 3
3) Go on a daytrip down to Richmond (Carytown)
4) Finish the quilt!
One thing I talked about this week, and re-focused on, was my need to go outside my comfort zone! I need to start taking trips again. Small at first, and then longer and further away. So, this week, I went to DC. This doesn't really count, I do this all the time and live 13 miles away. But each week, I will be including a travel goal. It may be small, it may be the same for a couple of weeks at a time (I can't afford to travel every weekend, nor do I want to!). So there's that.
Here's how I did:
Week 11 Goals
1) Run outside at least 2 mornings - yeah, just once.
2) Take some time to relax and explore some thrift stores
this weekend! - farmers market/flea market, but same concept. Complete!
3) I have a very important appointment on Thursday - I'm taking the day off of work, but work is also crazy busy right now - I need to make sure my mind is only in one place at once!
I think I did successfully drag focus away from work for the first half of Thursday. Attention was paid to the appointment.
4) Get back on this 30 for 30 train, man am I a dirty cheater! And done. Under the wire.
5) Go on a date with Fred =) Yeah, he didn't want to go out for a beer. So we had steaks and deliciousness for dinner instead, and watched a movie. Was nice. I still want to go out for a beer (and I don't drink)...but its summer! Nothing better than a summer night. This weekend!
Week 12 Goals
1) No processed crap from the work kitchen at all! (this is a goal I've used in the past, and a good reminder to take my happy ass to the whole foods for a salad if I'm hungry)
2) Its supposed to be eleventybillion this week outside, so I'm gonna say take it to the gym x 3
3) Go on a daytrip down to Richmond (Carytown)
4) Finish the quilt!
blackjack!
After my not so brief hiatus from 30 for 30, I am, as they say, re-committed to the cause. Its a little difficult to jump back in, but I like to finish what I start, dang it.
That said, here is outfit number 21!
Oh right, I need to figure out which numbers these items are...i'm out of practice..
This is 7+15+21!
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany.
That said, here is outfit number 21!
Oh right, I need to figure out which numbers these items are...i'm out of practice..
This is 7+15+21!
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
in which icky things are discussed
on Thursday, I went for my first appointment with an integrative medicine specialist. Integrative medicine, holistic medicine - there are a lot of names for it, but what attracted me to her as a potential savior was three things 1) they really talk and really listen - and incorporate lots of different aspects of your behavior/habits into a potential diagnosis, 2) they sort of "start from scratch" and evaluate your body's function, not ignoring prior diagnoses, but not taking them as gospel either, 3) they have all kinds of approaches to treatment, not defaulting to prescription drugs.
I went to see her, not just for my panic disorder, but for my general feeling of "ickyness". i feel like crap, kind of a lot. My stomach is upset with fair frequency, i'm overly tired, i get muscle fatigue too easy, i feel dizzy and faint sometimes. All of this actually makes my anxiety worse, and the anxiety makes it worse. so over it. bringing out the big guns.
This integrative medicine specialist..she is not cheap. and she does not take insurance. now, my insurance will pay for some of it, but it will be after the fact, and it will be a small percentage, no doubt. it will help though. but, as i say, this women fixes me, she's worth her weight in gold.
All this as a prelude to what I want to tell you about. As i said, they do a from scratch evaluation of bodily function. I had so so many vials of blood drawn on Thursday. So much that one vein crapped out and they had to move to the other arm. i have matching bruises, its pretty. i would make a horrible heroin addict.
They took swabs of what I can only assume has DNA but really I just think of as spit.
And, I have to provide stool samples. Ew, right? I can hardly even talk about it. Three days in a row.
Except i'm two days in and I'm sort of over the gross and can now see the humor. The humor in the instructions that came with my little sampling packet. The euphemisms used, really truly, are amazing. You can just imagine the copy writers, sitting there, thinking, How can i avoid saying the word butt, poop, stool, really anything untoward at all?
They give you this awesome plastic contraption that goes on your toilet. Its basically a bucket that suspends over the bowl. I kid you not, the instructions go something like this..
Place the suspending plastic tray under the seat of the toilet. Place the removable collection basket into the suspending plastic tray.
Here is where it should say something like..Okay, now really, we mean it, poop in the bucket.
But it doesn't. It says "release the sample into the collection basket".
That kind of made my day.
I hope and pray that I never have to go through this exercise ever ever again in my life. At least i know I can handle it, I honestly wasn't sure i could. makes dirty diapers sound somewhat more palatable.
Yeah, so that's my life right now, haha. At least I have acupuncture on Thursday. Kind of excited.
I went to see her, not just for my panic disorder, but for my general feeling of "ickyness". i feel like crap, kind of a lot. My stomach is upset with fair frequency, i'm overly tired, i get muscle fatigue too easy, i feel dizzy and faint sometimes. All of this actually makes my anxiety worse, and the anxiety makes it worse. so over it. bringing out the big guns.
This integrative medicine specialist..she is not cheap. and she does not take insurance. now, my insurance will pay for some of it, but it will be after the fact, and it will be a small percentage, no doubt. it will help though. but, as i say, this women fixes me, she's worth her weight in gold.
All this as a prelude to what I want to tell you about. As i said, they do a from scratch evaluation of bodily function. I had so so many vials of blood drawn on Thursday. So much that one vein crapped out and they had to move to the other arm. i have matching bruises, its pretty. i would make a horrible heroin addict.
They took swabs of what I can only assume has DNA but really I just think of as spit.
And, I have to provide stool samples. Ew, right? I can hardly even talk about it. Three days in a row.
Except i'm two days in and I'm sort of over the gross and can now see the humor. The humor in the instructions that came with my little sampling packet. The euphemisms used, really truly, are amazing. You can just imagine the copy writers, sitting there, thinking, How can i avoid saying the word butt, poop, stool, really anything untoward at all?
They give you this awesome plastic contraption that goes on your toilet. Its basically a bucket that suspends over the bowl. I kid you not, the instructions go something like this..
Place the suspending plastic tray under the seat of the toilet. Place the removable collection basket into the suspending plastic tray.
Here is where it should say something like..Okay, now really, we mean it, poop in the bucket.
But it doesn't. It says "release the sample into the collection basket".
That kind of made my day.
I hope and pray that I never have to go through this exercise ever ever again in my life. At least i know I can handle it, I honestly wasn't sure i could. makes dirty diapers sound somewhat more palatable.
Yeah, so that's my life right now, haha. At least I have acupuncture on Thursday. Kind of excited.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
journal day!
Thanks to Danielle over Sometimes Sweet at it is journal day again! I love today's prompt - it reminds me of one of my favorite things on NPR - the "This I Believe" series.
The older we get, the more certain we get about who we are and what our purpose is. For me, a lot of it is still unknown, but as I make my way down my own path, I have begun to realize that there are indeed some inevitable truths that I know for sure. On your own blog, write a post that talks about "the one thing you know for sure."
_______________
The one thing I know for sure is that family is the most important thing in the world to me. There are a lot of unknowns in life, there are even unknowns about the future of family, the generations to come, what will be or not be. But I know that everything I am, what I know, what is good, who I love, where I belong, my history and present and future..that is found in my family.
More to come...work pause..
The older we get, the more certain we get about who we are and what our purpose is. For me, a lot of it is still unknown, but as I make my way down my own path, I have begun to realize that there are indeed some inevitable truths that I know for sure. On your own blog, write a post that talks about "the one thing you know for sure."
_______________
The one thing I know for sure is that family is the most important thing in the world to me. There are a lot of unknowns in life, there are even unknowns about the future of family, the generations to come, what will be or not be. But I know that everything I am, what I know, what is good, who I love, where I belong, my history and present and future..that is found in my family.
More to come...work pause..
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Week 10 Recap / Week 11 Goals
Here we are again, again! Time to look at my progress last week and set some new goals. The weeks are just flying by right now! I may give myself the same bigger goals 2 weeks in a row, as sometimes 1 week just isn't enough!
1) Finish unpacking and organizing my sewing room/office/guest room / I don't know what it is now.
I spent a LOT of time working in this room this week (tackling a big project), and I decided that I need more room. Which means more storage solutions/shelving. So now i'm looking into that. At least its a very functional room if not quite finished!
2) Spend a couple of hours on the garden. There are a lot of things growing that I suspect are weeds. Need to trim back the azaleas and stop the mint from taking over the planet.
I did this all day Saturday, and I was actually super sore on Sunday! From gardening! And the garden is looking much better.
3) Get a proper camera set up for pictures for this here blog!
I ordered my tripod woo! I'll play with it this weekend!
Week 11 Goals
1) Run outside at least 2 mornings.
2) Take some time to relax and explore some thrift stores this weekend!
3) I have a very important appointment on Thursday - I'm taking the day off of work, but work is also crazy busy right now - I need to make sure my mind is only in one place at once!
4) Get back on this 30 for 30 train, man am I a dirty cheater!
5) Go on a date with Fred =)
1) Finish unpacking and organizing my sewing room/office/guest room / I don't know what it is now.
I spent a LOT of time working in this room this week (tackling a big project), and I decided that I need more room. Which means more storage solutions/shelving. So now i'm looking into that. At least its a very functional room if not quite finished!
2) Spend a couple of hours on the garden. There are a lot of things growing that I suspect are weeds. Need to trim back the azaleas and stop the mint from taking over the planet.
I did this all day Saturday, and I was actually super sore on Sunday! From gardening! And the garden is looking much better.
3) Get a proper camera set up for pictures for this here blog!
I ordered my tripod woo! I'll play with it this weekend!
Week 11 Goals
1) Run outside at least 2 mornings.
2) Take some time to relax and explore some thrift stores this weekend!
3) I have a very important appointment on Thursday - I'm taking the day off of work, but work is also crazy busy right now - I need to make sure my mind is only in one place at once!
4) Get back on this 30 for 30 train, man am I a dirty cheater!
5) Go on a date with Fred =)
Sunday, July 10, 2011
7/1 - 7/10 365
Jul 1
Q: Water, ice or steam?
A: Water to drink and steam on the face.
Jul 2
Q: Today you cancelled ...?
A: Nothing!
Jul 3
Q: What was the last beach you went to?
A: Bethany Beach, DE. One of my very favorite places.
Jul 4
Q: ___________ is funny.
A: Gene Weingarten. Life.
Jul 5
Q: What is your motto?
A: Be in the moment. Strive for happiness. Let it out. Do your best. Stop and smell the roses.
Jul 6
Q: Who is your best friend?
A: Fred.
Jul 7
Q: What's the next book you want to read?
A: Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner should be arriving this week =)
Jul 8
Q: What do you have to lose?
A: That depends entirely on what the proposition is!
Jul 9
Q: Today was delightful because....
A: It was Saturday. It was sunny and hot. I worked in the garden, did a leisurely shop at Whole Foods, and made my favorite summer meal, BLTs.
Jul 10
Q: When was the last time you spoke to your parents?
A: Spoke, on Monday. Texted/emailed - throughout the week.
Q: Water, ice or steam?
A: Water to drink and steam on the face.
Jul 2
Q: Today you cancelled ...?
A: Nothing!
Jul 3
Q: What was the last beach you went to?
A: Bethany Beach, DE. One of my very favorite places.
Jul 4
Q: ___________ is funny.
A: Gene Weingarten. Life.
Jul 5
Q: What is your motto?
A: Be in the moment. Strive for happiness. Let it out. Do your best. Stop and smell the roses.
Jul 6
Q: Who is your best friend?
A: Fred.
Jul 7
Q: What's the next book you want to read?
A: Then Came You by Jennifer Weiner should be arriving this week =)
Jul 8
Q: What do you have to lose?
A: That depends entirely on what the proposition is!
Jul 9
Q: Today was delightful because....
A: It was Saturday. It was sunny and hot. I worked in the garden, did a leisurely shop at Whole Foods, and made my favorite summer meal, BLTs.
Jul 10
Q: When was the last time you spoke to your parents?
A: Spoke, on Monday. Texted/emailed - throughout the week.
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Week 9 Recap / Week 10 Goals!
Into week 10 already! Woohoo!
Here's how I did last week:
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
I did a walk and a run along the same route, with the pull-ups thing. 1 run counts as 2 walks, right? I am running in the mornings now. Which is the only time when its this hot that I can! Unless it rains - I love to run, or do anything outside, right after a rain.
2) Do the damn book thing
I didn't do the damn book thing. Perhaps I want the books.
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
I did research into two things a few things. A couple of university cert programs / grad school programs, as well as a professional certification program that is a 9 class deal that I have 1 class completed for. They all cost money, of course. I have to decide where I want to put my money and where makes the most sense in terms of credentials for my next step.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
See number 3. I need additional education if I really want to take my career where I want it - that means grad school. Research in progress.
5) Plan a vacation for early September (week after Labor Day)
Tentatively planning for the beach! Just need to find me a beach house to rent.
Here are my Goals for Week 10! A little same, a little different this week.
1) Finish unpacking and organizing my sewing room/office/guest room / I don't know what it is now.
2) Spend a couple of hours on the garden. There are a lot of things growing that I suspect are weeds. Need to trim back the azaleas and stop the mint from taking over the planet.
3) Get a proper camera set up for pictures for this here blog!
Here's how I did last week:
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
I did a walk and a run along the same route, with the pull-ups thing. 1 run counts as 2 walks, right? I am running in the mornings now. Which is the only time when its this hot that I can! Unless it rains - I love to run, or do anything outside, right after a rain.
2) Do the damn book thing
I didn't do the damn book thing. Perhaps I want the books.
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
I did research into two things a few things. A couple of university cert programs / grad school programs, as well as a professional certification program that is a 9 class deal that I have 1 class completed for. They all cost money, of course. I have to decide where I want to put my money and where makes the most sense in terms of credentials for my next step.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
See number 3. I need additional education if I really want to take my career where I want it - that means grad school. Research in progress.
5) Plan a vacation for early September (week after Labor Day)
Tentatively planning for the beach! Just need to find me a beach house to rent.
Here are my Goals for Week 10! A little same, a little different this week.
1) Finish unpacking and organizing my sewing room/office/guest room / I don't know what it is now.
2) Spend a couple of hours on the garden. There are a lot of things growing that I suspect are weeds. Need to trim back the azaleas and stop the mint from taking over the planet.
3) Get a proper camera set up for pictures for this here blog!
Tuesday, July 05, 2011
making of the things, part who knows
I made another thing I'm quite proud of. Its a cover, for my sewing machine. And its adorable. Check it out..
I'm now working on a quilt. Expect some time to go by before I can share that one =)Also, tried to follow a shirt pattern this weekend - humongous fail. Patterns just..don't make so much sense to me. Nor does sizing on patterns. Next attempt is a three step plan...
1) Purchase item of clothing from thrift store
2) Rip apart at seams.
3) Put back together.
And of course, step 4..learn. I'm hoping this makes more sense to me. Please.
I'm now working on a quilt. Expect some time to go by before I can share that one =)Also, tried to follow a shirt pattern this weekend - humongous fail. Patterns just..don't make so much sense to me. Nor does sizing on patterns. Next attempt is a three step plan...
1) Purchase item of clothing from thrift store
2) Rip apart at seams.
3) Put back together.
And of course, step 4..learn. I'm hoping this makes more sense to me. Please.
Friday, July 01, 2011
things i hath made, part 3
remember the making of the things? i've been making things. I made a potholder, and some cloth napkins, and a bag for groceries, and a banner/bunting. i'm having super much fun.
tonight! tonight I made something that, for the first time, is something i would actually purchase. in fact, I spent a lot of time looking in target one day for one of these. because I need one, you see, to hold all my jewelry that I take off when I go from work to the gym, rather than stowing it all in my sunglasses case, which can't be good for my glasses.
here's what I made!!!
they call it a pencil case, I call it a gym jewelry bag. same same. how cute! eee! i'm so proud.
and ya'll, it has a zipper. that's my first zipper. i'm double proud.
i think i'm going to try to make a shirt sometime this weekend. also? don't be surprised if you see me in a shirt of this fabric soon, i kind of love it.
tonight! tonight I made something that, for the first time, is something i would actually purchase. in fact, I spent a lot of time looking in target one day for one of these. because I need one, you see, to hold all my jewelry that I take off when I go from work to the gym, rather than stowing it all in my sunglasses case, which can't be good for my glasses.
here's what I made!!!
they call it a pencil case, I call it a gym jewelry bag. same same. how cute! eee! i'm so proud.
and ya'll, it has a zipper. that's my first zipper. i'm double proud.
i think i'm going to try to make a shirt sometime this weekend. also? don't be surprised if you see me in a shirt of this fabric soon, i kind of love it.
6/19 - 7/1, 365
oh, the slackiness. the slack! i have slacked.
I have a lot of catch up to do on my questions here..let's hope for some juicy ones!
p.s. long weekend, baby! wooo america.
Jun 19th
Q: What was the last personal letter you received?
A: Like a mail letter? real mail? addressed to me in a personal manner, and not about something tax/bill/catalog related? that would be nice thank you notes from my mom and grammy for mothers day/b-day respectively.
Jun 20th
Q: Write the first sentence of your autobiography.
A: Let's be honest, here, if I was really writing an autobiography, the first sentence would be painstakingly considered, and then revised into oblivion, before settling. and i would still fret. but since this is just question world...
"She burst onto the scene in spring of 1978, joining Bianca Jagger and David Beckham as a group of prestigious folks with a birthday that day in May. The Sex Pistols had played their final show, disco was in vogue. American cars may never be as great again. Mere months later, the Jonestown massacres occurred and Harvey Milk was murdered. What a strange world she came to know."
haha, i dunno, just playing around. that wouldn't really be it.
Jun 21st
Q: Who do you want to know better?
A: My parents. I know them quite well, but I love to hear more more more.
Jun 22nd
Q: What's the last movie you saw in a theatre?
A: I really have no idea. It may have been Sex and the City 2. That may have scared me away from theaters. I need to see Bridesmaids and Midnight in Paris. Like, yesterday.
Jun 23rd
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: I'm not a big crier, except when i'm very frustrated. I get really really frustrated, and then I yell and cry. But I actually did cry twice recently, once about a Gray's Anatomy episode (I know), and once for a reason I'll tell you about later cause i don't wanna talk about it right now.
Jun 24th
Q: What's your next social engagement?
A: This whole damn weekend! Yay 4th!
Jun 25th
Q: Who is your closest companion?
A: That would be Fred
Jun 26th
Q: What's your biggest indulgence?
A: Clothes and dark chocolate, man. Clothes and dark chocolate. See also..vices. Ok, so its not big, but the thing I enjoy most that i get to indulge in occasionally? Afternoon naps on a weekday. Very rare circumstances.
Jun 27th
Q: When was the last time you ate pizza? What kind?
A: Love pizza. Let me rephrase, i love zpizza and homemade pizza by dad. I had zpizza on Wednesday night. Plain cheese.
Jun 28th
Q: If your mood were a weather forecast,you'd be...
A: Mostly sunny.
Jun 29th
Q; What are the top songs on your recently played list?
A: See: Bon Iver, Bon Iver.
Jun 30th
Q: What can you live without right now?
A: I can live without a lot..taking that literally. Figuratively, I can live without dressing room mirrors..what is that shit? why don't they make them flattering? I can live without all the fur that comes off the cats..how do they still have so much on them?!? You know what I can't live without? Your love.
I have a lot of catch up to do on my questions here..let's hope for some juicy ones!
p.s. long weekend, baby! wooo america.
Jun 19th
Q: What was the last personal letter you received?
A: Like a mail letter? real mail? addressed to me in a personal manner, and not about something tax/bill/catalog related? that would be nice thank you notes from my mom and grammy for mothers day/b-day respectively.
Jun 20th
Q: Write the first sentence of your autobiography.
A: Let's be honest, here, if I was really writing an autobiography, the first sentence would be painstakingly considered, and then revised into oblivion, before settling. and i would still fret. but since this is just question world...
"She burst onto the scene in spring of 1978, joining Bianca Jagger and David Beckham as a group of prestigious folks with a birthday that day in May. The Sex Pistols had played their final show, disco was in vogue. American cars may never be as great again. Mere months later, the Jonestown massacres occurred and Harvey Milk was murdered. What a strange world she came to know."
haha, i dunno, just playing around. that wouldn't really be it.
Jun 21st
Q: Who do you want to know better?
A: My parents. I know them quite well, but I love to hear more more more.
Jun 22nd
Q: What's the last movie you saw in a theatre?
A: I really have no idea. It may have been Sex and the City 2. That may have scared me away from theaters. I need to see Bridesmaids and Midnight in Paris. Like, yesterday.
Jun 23rd
Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: I'm not a big crier, except when i'm very frustrated. I get really really frustrated, and then I yell and cry. But I actually did cry twice recently, once about a Gray's Anatomy episode (I know), and once for a reason I'll tell you about later cause i don't wanna talk about it right now.
Jun 24th
Q: What's your next social engagement?
A: This whole damn weekend! Yay 4th!
Jun 25th
Q: Who is your closest companion?
A: That would be Fred
Jun 26th
Q: What's your biggest indulgence?
A: Clothes and dark chocolate, man. Clothes and dark chocolate. See also..vices. Ok, so its not big, but the thing I enjoy most that i get to indulge in occasionally? Afternoon naps on a weekday. Very rare circumstances.
Jun 27th
Q: When was the last time you ate pizza? What kind?
A: Love pizza. Let me rephrase, i love zpizza and homemade pizza by dad. I had zpizza on Wednesday night. Plain cheese.
Jun 28th
Q: If your mood were a weather forecast,you'd be...
A: Mostly sunny.
Jun 29th
Q; What are the top songs on your recently played list?
A: See: Bon Iver, Bon Iver.
Jun 30th
Q: What can you live without right now?
A: I can live without a lot..taking that literally. Figuratively, I can live without dressing room mirrors..what is that shit? why don't they make them flattering? I can live without all the fur that comes off the cats..how do they still have so much on them?!? You know what I can't live without? Your love.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
20!
Morning! Today is a good day. It is my brother in law's birthday and my parents' 44th anniversary. Woo!
Back on the 30 for 30 train. 20 down, 10 more to go!
Today, I have chosen ease. Black matches black. Here we go.
Outfit 20 is 3+13+19.
Shoes: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Back on the 30 for 30 train. 20 down, 10 more to go!
Today, I have chosen ease. Black matches black. Here we go.
Outfit 20 is 3+13+19.
Shoes: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
still not quite 30 for 30...
Good morning! So, oops, I did it again. I wore 30 for 30 items except for the shirt. Apparently I should have added more shirts into the mix! I am still a dirty cheater. I assume you still care deeply about what I have on, so..
Today is 16+29+ a t-shirt from Target that is quite a pretty color
Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: j.crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Today is 16+29+ a t-shirt from Target that is quite a pretty color
Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: j.crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
trying on the angry face
I have a theory, completely of my own design, that a lot of my anxiety is do to my experiencing a lot of well, crap, and tamping it down. I never get angry. So, I'm going to try and be angry a bit.
I feel generally safe in this forum..as far as I can tell, my readers are either strangers or those I know well enough that I'd probably tell you this stuff anyway. Call it therapy, on the cheap.
What I'm angry about..(this is hard).
1) Spending endless nights, years, unable to sleep, relax, and in fear for his life
2) Being the only one that had to see him at his worst
3) Allowing myself to be used
4) I give and I never take
5) I have to break down before you notice I'm not okay
Woo. Okay, that was super tough. Break time. I'll re-visit.
I feel generally safe in this forum..as far as I can tell, my readers are either strangers or those I know well enough that I'd probably tell you this stuff anyway. Call it therapy, on the cheap.
What I'm angry about..(this is hard).
1) Spending endless nights, years, unable to sleep, relax, and in fear for his life
2) Being the only one that had to see him at his worst
3) Allowing myself to be used
4) I give and I never take
5) I have to break down before you notice I'm not okay
Woo. Okay, that was super tough. Break time. I'll re-visit.
it's almost 30 for 30....
Well, friends, I didn't quite get all the way on the 30 for 30 train this morning. My shirt, alas, is not in my 30 items. But I quite like it.
Sometimes, my desire to wear a certain item of clothing overcomes my desire to stay on this 30 for 30 path. I think that's okay. This challenge has actually made me look at everything I own differently, and I think that is the point. Or, I could be missing the point and could just be a dirty cheater. Either one.
Here is today's outfit...
Today's outfit is 14+20+ this awesome shirt from J Crew
Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
I just noticed that this shirt comes in a different color that is also on sale. Hmmm. I think mayhaps it is too distinctive a pattern to own two. Yep. No mas shirts today.
Sometimes, my desire to wear a certain item of clothing overcomes my desire to stay on this 30 for 30 path. I think that's okay. This challenge has actually made me look at everything I own differently, and I think that is the point. Or, I could be missing the point and could just be a dirty cheater. Either one.
Here is today's outfit...
Today's outfit is 14+20+ this awesome shirt from J Crew
Shoes: Nine West
Belt: Talbots
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
I just noticed that this shirt comes in a different color that is also on sale. Hmmm. I think mayhaps it is too distinctive a pattern to own two. Yep. No mas shirts today.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Week 8 Recap / Week 9 Goals
Oh, hello! Time to look at last week's goals and set some new ones. Here's what I said I'd do last week:
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
Well. Um. Uh oh. Soooo.... Shit. I didn't do any of this. To be fair, last week had a big event in the middle of it at work, that took up all my thoughts before hand and then made for a fair amount of work after, but..them's just excuses. Well, damn it!
Okay, breathe, breathe, move on. I'm just going to make these my week 9 goals. It's okay. I'll add a fun one too:
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
5) Plan a vacation for early September (week after Labor Day)
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
Well. Um. Uh oh. Soooo.... Shit. I didn't do any of this. To be fair, last week had a big event in the middle of it at work, that took up all my thoughts before hand and then made for a fair amount of work after, but..them's just excuses. Well, damn it!
Okay, breathe, breathe, move on. I'm just going to make these my week 9 goals. It's okay. I'll add a fun one too:
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
5) Plan a vacation for early September (week after Labor Day)
journal day
Danielle over at Sometimes Sweet is such a great writer and a major inspiration. I love reading her blog. She started something called Journal Day where she provides a prompt, and you write. I'm game! Here we go!
Describe a "first" (first date, first lie, the first time you experienced something, first time in a particular setting, etc). Include as many details as possible to paint a picture.
The first time I ever skipped a class, I was 12 years old, a seventh-grader at the secondary school I would attend from grades 7-12.
I had heard about skipping classes. A lot of kids talked about it like it was no big deal, and a lot of fun. I had an older sister in the 10th grade, and while I'm pretty sure she never skipped class, her friends talked about it too.
One day, after a lot of thinking about it but minimal planning for it, I decided that I was going to skip gym class. I'm pretty sure I had gym 3rd period - it was before lunch, but barely.
When it came time to head down to the locker room to get ready for gym, I just...didn't go. I just kept walking. Our school was HUGE, and it was easy to hide yourself if you wanted to. About 10 minutes after the bell rang, I was just walking around the school. The late stragglers had cleared out and I was starting to feel conspicuous. I decided I needed to find a place to enjoy my free period.
Now, I was 12. I didn't know anyone with a car except my parents, and I didn't live close enough to the school to walk home. My sister was somewhere in the school, but I didn't know her schedule. So, I did what anyone would do. I went to the girls bathroom.
I went to the girls bathroom in the 7th grade subschool and I stayed there for what felt like hours but was really only 30 minutes or so. It was actually rather terrifying. I felt like I had to be quiet and absolutely still, and I didn't have anything to read, and it was so boring. I would've rather been in gym class.
When the bell rang, I went off to my next class and finished up my day. I went home that night, terrified that parents had somehow found out that I had skipped class. I could barely sleep.
The next day, at school, I was sitting in my english class when my guidance counselor came in and asked to speak to me. I broke. Right there in the middle of class, I started crying, saying, "I did it, I skipped gym, I'm so sorry I'll never do it again". My guidance counselor looked taken aback. "Oh, okay", she said. "Why don't you come with me and we'll talk about it".
Turns out noone knew I had skipped gym. I had gone and outed myself for no reason. But it felt so much better to have it off my chest. My punishment was detention, and I was completely fine with that. It was kind of cool, actually.
Some years later, I became a grand master champion of skipping classes. I skipped entire days. When my friends got cars, we went to breakfast, to lunch, off for an afternoon jaunt. I wasn't worried about the consequences anymore, we didn't get caught, and everyone did it. Noone seemed to demand explanation for why absences in 7th period were 15 days higher than absences in 1st. From what I understand, my class may have been one of the last to enjoy such freedoms. After Columbine, schools had no choice but to crack down on comings and goings from the school.
I still won't forget that feeling, sitting in the bathroom of subschool 1, just wishing I had gone to gym, because skipping class? Wasn't very fun.
Describe a "first" (first date, first lie, the first time you experienced something, first time in a particular setting, etc). Include as many details as possible to paint a picture.
The first time I ever skipped a class, I was 12 years old, a seventh-grader at the secondary school I would attend from grades 7-12.
I had heard about skipping classes. A lot of kids talked about it like it was no big deal, and a lot of fun. I had an older sister in the 10th grade, and while I'm pretty sure she never skipped class, her friends talked about it too.
One day, after a lot of thinking about it but minimal planning for it, I decided that I was going to skip gym class. I'm pretty sure I had gym 3rd period - it was before lunch, but barely.
When it came time to head down to the locker room to get ready for gym, I just...didn't go. I just kept walking. Our school was HUGE, and it was easy to hide yourself if you wanted to. About 10 minutes after the bell rang, I was just walking around the school. The late stragglers had cleared out and I was starting to feel conspicuous. I decided I needed to find a place to enjoy my free period.
Now, I was 12. I didn't know anyone with a car except my parents, and I didn't live close enough to the school to walk home. My sister was somewhere in the school, but I didn't know her schedule. So, I did what anyone would do. I went to the girls bathroom.
I went to the girls bathroom in the 7th grade subschool and I stayed there for what felt like hours but was really only 30 minutes or so. It was actually rather terrifying. I felt like I had to be quiet and absolutely still, and I didn't have anything to read, and it was so boring. I would've rather been in gym class.
When the bell rang, I went off to my next class and finished up my day. I went home that night, terrified that parents had somehow found out that I had skipped class. I could barely sleep.
The next day, at school, I was sitting in my english class when my guidance counselor came in and asked to speak to me. I broke. Right there in the middle of class, I started crying, saying, "I did it, I skipped gym, I'm so sorry I'll never do it again". My guidance counselor looked taken aback. "Oh, okay", she said. "Why don't you come with me and we'll talk about it".
Turns out noone knew I had skipped gym. I had gone and outed myself for no reason. But it felt so much better to have it off my chest. My punishment was detention, and I was completely fine with that. It was kind of cool, actually.
Some years later, I became a grand master champion of skipping classes. I skipped entire days. When my friends got cars, we went to breakfast, to lunch, off for an afternoon jaunt. I wasn't worried about the consequences anymore, we didn't get caught, and everyone did it. Noone seemed to demand explanation for why absences in 7th period were 15 days higher than absences in 1st. From what I understand, my class may have been one of the last to enjoy such freedoms. After Columbine, schools had no choice but to crack down on comings and goings from the school.
I still won't forget that feeling, sitting in the bathroom of subschool 1, just wishing I had gone to gym, because skipping class? Wasn't very fun.
i was 19, call me
Monday morning again! The weekends just fly, don't they?
Its starting to become a little hard to not repeat outfits, but I'm doing my best. Here's today's outfit:
19 is 10+16+24
Belt: Talbots
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
I feel a little off today, kinda sad. Fred thinks its cause I watch too much Gray's Anatomy. He could be right. You see, I've never watched that show before. And then about 2 weeks ago, I got the whole series on my Netflix. And now I am INTO IT. I'm on season 3. But it is a bit much to take more than a couple of episodes at a time. I missed the whole Friday Night Lights train, too, maybe I'll give that a whirl. Apparently I like my wildly popular TV shows to be over before I'll watch them. Hmm.
Its starting to become a little hard to not repeat outfits, but I'm doing my best. Here's today's outfit:
19 is 10+16+24
Belt: Talbots
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffanys
I feel a little off today, kinda sad. Fred thinks its cause I watch too much Gray's Anatomy. He could be right. You see, I've never watched that show before. And then about 2 weeks ago, I got the whole series on my Netflix. And now I am INTO IT. I'm on season 3. But it is a bit much to take more than a couple of episodes at a time. I missed the whole Friday Night Lights train, too, maybe I'll give that a whirl. Apparently I like my wildly popular TV shows to be over before I'll watch them. Hmm.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
you got a fast car
I was 15 when it happened. 18 years ago this July 30th, 1993. It was a Friday. The summer between my sophmore and junior years of high school.
My sophmore year was difficult, I had had mono, and missed almost a month of school. I did fine in most of my classes, but struggled with my Advanced Biology class. I never had the aptitude or interest in science that I had with other subjects. Me and science just never clicked. I also would have done anything to avoid disecting a frog, or fetal pig, don't remember which, and I did. Which was skip class. A lot.
For the first time ever, I failed a class. I had to go to summer school. All these years later, I am so thankful that I did.
At summer school, I was in a class made up of kids from different high schools in my county, but there were some familiar faces. I sat next to Ray , the football player and affable guy that everyone liked and most of us girls had a crush on.
Sitting up front was a kid from our rival high school, Lake Braddock, Dave, who was far more good looking than any 16 year old has a right to be. Dave sat next to another kid from our high school that I knew in passing, Willie.
I was never an outgoing or popular kid in high school. I was in AP and advanced classes, in orchestra and chorus, and I hung out with a tight knit group of friends that weren't. I never made friends in my classes, for the most part.
Summer school was different. First, it was laughably easy. I got 100% on every exam and sailed through with an A+. I let the other kids copy my homework. I didn't care. I was friendly and open in a way that I wasn't during the regular school year.
One Friday, we were released from school, happy in the way that only 15 and 16 years olds sprung from school on a summer Friday can be. I was walking out to the buses when I saw Willie driving by in his black Thunderbird. He was so lucky. Not many of us had cars that summer, and I certainly wouldn't until senior year. I was so much younger than most others, having skipped a grade and started school early.
I was a shy kid, and I didn't know Willie all that well. But I was different at summer school, and I liked this version of me better. So I went up to his car and asked him for a ride home. I didn't know where he lived, but it couldn't be all that far from Burke, where I grew up. He agreed, and I hopped in.
Cypress Hill's Black Sunday had been released that week, and Willie had in pumpin in the T-bird, and loud. Cruel irony, in fact, but I so clearly remember the summer breeze, the wind in my hair, Willie driving, and the whine of "I want to get hiiiiiiiigh" against the bouncing bass line. You are invincible in moments like that, at 15. Its not something we as adults can ever quite reclaim.
Willie dropped me off at home, and went off to do whatever it was he did. I didn't know him well enough to know. I had met him once before outside of school, in the strangest of circumstances. If he recalled he didn't mention it on this sunny afternoon.
I have no idea what I did that night, no recollection. But I remember the next morning very clearly. Michelle called me, crying. Turn on the news, its Willie's car, she said. I did. I saw the car. I saw the words shooting. I didn't understand. But slowly, the realization dawned, that the news was saying. Willie had been shot and killed. 3 other kids were with him, and 2 were injured. They didn't give names, but the high school rumor train got them to me soon enough. People who saw me leave school with him asked Michelle if we were with him that night.
The news came out, a botched drug deal. Rumors rampant. News that belonged more in the movies we watched. It didn't belong in our suburban town. It seemed, even then, that it was children playing at violence, at drugs and murder and tough streets. It was all so horribly, horribly, wrong.
The funeral was attended by hundreds. Hundred of crying, dazed teenagers, unsure of our footing and our place. I wrote a poem to him that his parents read at the funeral, and I felt shame, as noone knew that I had a right, that I knew him, briefly.
I dont' know the details of the arrest or the trial. I know that we, the kids, we knew who it was almost immediately. That was eerie, and unsettling. It wasn't a stranger.
Dave and I, we dated for a bit. We stayed friends for much longer. Senior year his friend was dating a girl I knew and he spray painted our entire school with words proclaiming the superiority of our rival school and his love for Mandy.
My husband to be, he knew him too. He knew his killer as well. His killer taught him how to ollie when they were both much younger. How bizarre.
When I was 15, my friend Willie was murdered by someone I had met, someone who had gone to school with us, a slightly older boy and his friends who thought they were gangsters in a suburban town. Willie was executed over $150 of pot. He was killed over nothing. He didn't ever get to grow up.
My sophmore year was difficult, I had had mono, and missed almost a month of school. I did fine in most of my classes, but struggled with my Advanced Biology class. I never had the aptitude or interest in science that I had with other subjects. Me and science just never clicked. I also would have done anything to avoid disecting a frog, or fetal pig, don't remember which, and I did. Which was skip class. A lot.
For the first time ever, I failed a class. I had to go to summer school. All these years later, I am so thankful that I did.
At summer school, I was in a class made up of kids from different high schools in my county, but there were some familiar faces. I sat next to Ray , the football player and affable guy that everyone liked and most of us girls had a crush on.
Sitting up front was a kid from our rival high school, Lake Braddock, Dave, who was far more good looking than any 16 year old has a right to be. Dave sat next to another kid from our high school that I knew in passing, Willie.
I was never an outgoing or popular kid in high school. I was in AP and advanced classes, in orchestra and chorus, and I hung out with a tight knit group of friends that weren't. I never made friends in my classes, for the most part.
Summer school was different. First, it was laughably easy. I got 100% on every exam and sailed through with an A+. I let the other kids copy my homework. I didn't care. I was friendly and open in a way that I wasn't during the regular school year.
One Friday, we were released from school, happy in the way that only 15 and 16 years olds sprung from school on a summer Friday can be. I was walking out to the buses when I saw Willie driving by in his black Thunderbird. He was so lucky. Not many of us had cars that summer, and I certainly wouldn't until senior year. I was so much younger than most others, having skipped a grade and started school early.
I was a shy kid, and I didn't know Willie all that well. But I was different at summer school, and I liked this version of me better. So I went up to his car and asked him for a ride home. I didn't know where he lived, but it couldn't be all that far from Burke, where I grew up. He agreed, and I hopped in.
Cypress Hill's Black Sunday had been released that week, and Willie had in pumpin in the T-bird, and loud. Cruel irony, in fact, but I so clearly remember the summer breeze, the wind in my hair, Willie driving, and the whine of "I want to get hiiiiiiiigh" against the bouncing bass line. You are invincible in moments like that, at 15. Its not something we as adults can ever quite reclaim.
Willie dropped me off at home, and went off to do whatever it was he did. I didn't know him well enough to know. I had met him once before outside of school, in the strangest of circumstances. If he recalled he didn't mention it on this sunny afternoon.
I have no idea what I did that night, no recollection. But I remember the next morning very clearly. Michelle called me, crying. Turn on the news, its Willie's car, she said. I did. I saw the car. I saw the words shooting. I didn't understand. But slowly, the realization dawned, that the news was saying. Willie had been shot and killed. 3 other kids were with him, and 2 were injured. They didn't give names, but the high school rumor train got them to me soon enough. People who saw me leave school with him asked Michelle if we were with him that night.
The news came out, a botched drug deal. Rumors rampant. News that belonged more in the movies we watched. It didn't belong in our suburban town. It seemed, even then, that it was children playing at violence, at drugs and murder and tough streets. It was all so horribly, horribly, wrong.
The funeral was attended by hundreds. Hundred of crying, dazed teenagers, unsure of our footing and our place. I wrote a poem to him that his parents read at the funeral, and I felt shame, as noone knew that I had a right, that I knew him, briefly.
I dont' know the details of the arrest or the trial. I know that we, the kids, we knew who it was almost immediately. That was eerie, and unsettling. It wasn't a stranger.
Dave and I, we dated for a bit. We stayed friends for much longer. Senior year his friend was dating a girl I knew and he spray painted our entire school with words proclaiming the superiority of our rival school and his love for Mandy.
My husband to be, he knew him too. He knew his killer as well. His killer taught him how to ollie when they were both much younger. How bizarre.
When I was 15, my friend Willie was murdered by someone I had met, someone who had gone to school with us, a slightly older boy and his friends who thought they were gangsters in a suburban town. Willie was executed over $150 of pot. He was killed over nothing. He didn't ever get to grow up.
Friday, June 24, 2011
18 and Life..30 for 30
Happy Friday! Its been a tough week here in Sara land. Time for weekend goodness. Here is outfit 18!
18 is 7+20+27. isnt' that neat.
Shoes: Steve Madden
Necklace: J Crew
Ring: Ann Taylor Loft
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Still got the blurry photo thing going on - time to give the iphone a bath.
18 is 7+20+27. isnt' that neat.
Shoes: Steve Madden
Necklace: J Crew
Ring: Ann Taylor Loft
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Still got the blurry photo thing going on - time to give the iphone a bath.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
its not a 30 for 30...but i like it
I struggled this morning. Struggled with really thinking this outfit would work, and really wanting to wear it, and wanting to stay true to the challenge, but really liking this outfit.
I also struggled with posting it, or just not posting an outfit today and letting you assume i went naked.
but I like it.
So here it is!
Cardigan: Target
Shirt: J Crew
Pants: Victorias Secret - and they are 30 for 30 - #16!
Shoes: Talbots
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
I'll be back on the 30 for 30 train tomorrow.
Also - love this picture of me, not ashamed to say it. Not sure whats going on with the glazed lens look/ Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds ad thing going on here, but I'm not mad at it. Probably some kind dirt on my phone's lens.
I also struggled with posting it, or just not posting an outfit today and letting you assume i went naked.
but I like it.
So here it is!
Cardigan: Target
Shirt: J Crew
Pants: Victorias Secret - and they are 30 for 30 - #16!
Shoes: Talbots
Belt: Talbots
Necklace: J Crew
Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
I'll be back on the 30 for 30 train tomorrow.
Also - love this picture of me, not ashamed to say it. Not sure whats going on with the glazed lens look/ Elizabeth Taylor's White Diamonds ad thing going on here, but I'm not mad at it. Probably some kind dirt on my phone's lens.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
thoughts on self checkout lines
Whole Foods is probably my number one grocery store. I get all meats, veggies, cheese, fish, and assorted other tasties there.
However, Fred and I, we significantly support the Coca Cola corporation. He's a classic guy, me, I'm diet caffeine free. They don't sell these delicious concoctions at Whole Foods. What, sugar water, or alternatively, don't ask me whats in it cause I don't know water, isn't considered a Whole Food? boo.
I also buy things like Safeway brand fat free chocolate sorbet, which is addicting and maybe the best thing invented ever.
Also, coffee creamer. Hamburger buns. The bread at Whole Foods is , shall we say, lacking in the preservatives department. I can't eat 8 hamburger buns in the 2 days those things have before you see blue spots of mold. Martin's Potato buns it is. Yummy preservatives.
So, its established, I go to Safeway for a handful of things. When I go to Safeway, I usually use the self checkout. This causes me conflict and distress (okay not really, simply mild guilt). Why?
Loooking at the self checkout line, it seems apparent that me, you, and our neighbors would prefer to engage in checkout as a solitary activity. We seem to like this ability to avoid small talk, pleases and thank yous, and exchange of money with an actual person. Humans would appear to be rather antisocial when it comes to our groceries. We seem to be willing to endure all the "check bagging areas" and "unexpected item" and "Please wait for @%!#% assistance" pleas from these automated scanning machines. We accept this.
There are times when I will forego the self checkout. 1) More than about 10 items. 2) Wine or beer (the machine makes stand there like an idiot while someone usually younger than me comes to check and ensure that I have been 21 for 12 years. Besides, its much more fun to be carded by an actual person who can not believe you are a day over 19 than an indescriminate machine).
Use of the machines, though, it makes me feel guilty. You see, I like employment. I like for people to have employment options. By all visual accounts, Safeway would appear to be a decent employer. I want those checkout people to have jobs. Therefore, I need to actually use the real checkout lines, right? Right. But I don't. I succumb to the call of the no-human-contact required except when we don't work right and that poor soul responsible for addressing all the self checkout line issues has to come help you machines.
Here's something interesting I noticed..my Whole Foods? They had self checkout lines. They took them out. Replaced them with express lanes. I'm willing to bet noone stopped shopping at Whole Foods in protest. We go with the flow. People adapt.
I'm sure its been written about extensively, but does anyone know what the benefit of these machines is intended to be? Is it convenience for the customer, reduced costs for the store, a little bit of both? How has it actually played out in cost reductions?
What about you? Do you find the old fashioned check out to be inconvenient or the self checkout to be annoying?
However, Fred and I, we significantly support the Coca Cola corporation. He's a classic guy, me, I'm diet caffeine free. They don't sell these delicious concoctions at Whole Foods. What, sugar water, or alternatively, don't ask me whats in it cause I don't know water, isn't considered a Whole Food? boo.
I also buy things like Safeway brand fat free chocolate sorbet, which is addicting and maybe the best thing invented ever.
Also, coffee creamer. Hamburger buns. The bread at Whole Foods is , shall we say, lacking in the preservatives department. I can't eat 8 hamburger buns in the 2 days those things have before you see blue spots of mold. Martin's Potato buns it is. Yummy preservatives.
So, its established, I go to Safeway for a handful of things. When I go to Safeway, I usually use the self checkout. This causes me conflict and distress (okay not really, simply mild guilt). Why?
Loooking at the self checkout line, it seems apparent that me, you, and our neighbors would prefer to engage in checkout as a solitary activity. We seem to like this ability to avoid small talk, pleases and thank yous, and exchange of money with an actual person. Humans would appear to be rather antisocial when it comes to our groceries. We seem to be willing to endure all the "check bagging areas" and "unexpected item" and "Please wait for @%!#% assistance" pleas from these automated scanning machines. We accept this.
There are times when I will forego the self checkout. 1) More than about 10 items. 2) Wine or beer (the machine makes stand there like an idiot while someone usually younger than me comes to check and ensure that I have been 21 for 12 years. Besides, its much more fun to be carded by an actual person who can not believe you are a day over 19 than an indescriminate machine).
Use of the machines, though, it makes me feel guilty. You see, I like employment. I like for people to have employment options. By all visual accounts, Safeway would appear to be a decent employer. I want those checkout people to have jobs. Therefore, I need to actually use the real checkout lines, right? Right. But I don't. I succumb to the call of the no-human-contact required except when we don't work right and that poor soul responsible for addressing all the self checkout line issues has to come help you machines.
Here's something interesting I noticed..my Whole Foods? They had self checkout lines. They took them out. Replaced them with express lanes. I'm willing to bet noone stopped shopping at Whole Foods in protest. We go with the flow. People adapt.
I'm sure its been written about extensively, but does anyone know what the benefit of these machines is intended to be? Is it convenience for the customer, reduced costs for the store, a little bit of both? How has it actually played out in cost reductions?
What about you? Do you find the old fashioned check out to be inconvenient or the self checkout to be annoying?
I learned the truth at 17..30 for 30
dear blogger, sometimes I hate you. You ate my post. I'm going to have to start writing them in Word now, aren't I?
Anyway..what was I saying?
Right! Outfit 17. I really like this one. So far, this challenge has had two great effects on me.
1) I am appreciating more the other items in my closet, at the same time that I am having fun making 30 outfits from these 30. I can't wait to wear the other stuff! Its like shopping in my own closet. So fun.
2) I haven't been buying as much, because I can't wear it immediately. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. This prevents that. Seems to work. Cool!
Here it is!
17 is 14+29+30
Shoes: Nine West
Bracelet/Rings/Necklace: Tiffany
Anyway..what was I saying?
Right! Outfit 17. I really like this one. So far, this challenge has had two great effects on me.
1) I am appreciating more the other items in my closet, at the same time that I am having fun making 30 outfits from these 30. I can't wait to wear the other stuff! Its like shopping in my own closet. So fun.
2) I haven't been buying as much, because I can't wear it immediately. I'm an instant gratification kind of person. This prevents that. Seems to work. Cool!
Here it is!
17 is 14+29+30
Shoes: Nine West
Bracelet/Rings/Necklace: Tiffany
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Sweet Sixteen! 30 for 30
Morning! Tuesdays can be kind of depressing, right? They are just so far away from Friday! But today, it is Summer Solstice! Longest day of the year! Aint nothing wrong with it being light out until past 9pm.
Here's the outfit for today!
Outfit 16 is 5+16+28
Shoes: Nine West
Nacklace/Braclet/Rings: Tiffany
Here's the outfit for today!
Outfit 16 is 5+16+28
Shoes: Nine West
Nacklace/Braclet/Rings: Tiffany
Monday, June 20, 2011
Week 7 Recap / Week 8 Goals
Time to take measure of the goals of last week, week 7 in this little improvement project. Here we go!
Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)
I did survive, with minimal interference. despite feeling like I was going right out of my mind on Monday, I soldiered through. Felt better on Tuesday. Felt worse on Wednesday physically but better mentally. Thursday? Pretty much right as rain again. And now I've started adjustment stage #2, oh joy.
#2 - Take a long walk
I did take a couple of long walks. I saw a whole 6 bunnies on my walk on Saturday AND discovered that I have one of those walking paths with exercise stations - you know which ones I mean? - about 1/4 mile from my house. And one of them has bars, which I enjoy because 1) I can try to do pull-ups, because that! that is a goal! do a pull up! I have a weird fascination with wanting to be able to knock out 10 pull ups like it isn't a big deal. Also, 2) It allows me to practice the very elementary level of gymnastics skills that I still possess. When I was a gymnast, bars were probably my favorite. Or beam. Or floor. Not vault though.
#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)
I didn't do this one, wah wah. um, i have no excuse.
Okay! Week 8 goals!
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)
I did survive, with minimal interference. despite feeling like I was going right out of my mind on Monday, I soldiered through. Felt better on Tuesday. Felt worse on Wednesday physically but better mentally. Thursday? Pretty much right as rain again. And now I've started adjustment stage #2, oh joy.
#2 - Take a long walk
I did take a couple of long walks. I saw a whole 6 bunnies on my walk on Saturday AND discovered that I have one of those walking paths with exercise stations - you know which ones I mean? - about 1/4 mile from my house. And one of them has bars, which I enjoy because 1) I can try to do pull-ups, because that! that is a goal! do a pull up! I have a weird fascination with wanting to be able to knock out 10 pull ups like it isn't a big deal. Also, 2) It allows me to practice the very elementary level of gymnastics skills that I still possess. When I was a gymnast, bars were probably my favorite. Or beam. Or floor. Not vault though.
#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)
I didn't do this one, wah wah. um, i have no excuse.
Okay! Week 8 goals!
1) Take 3 long walks! And practice doing pull-ups!
2) Do the damn book thing
3) Put this concept into place at work. Goals each week.
4) Do some soul searching about work. I know where I think I want my career to go - time to put an action plan in place. Actually, this one first, then #3.
The half-way mark - Outfit 15!
Good Monday morning all! Hard to believe it is Monday yet again - and June 20th, for goodness sakes!
Today's outfit may marks the first you've seen of these J Crew slacks..and probably the last until I get them altered. They are too big - darn! Hehe. They are part of my "good" suit, so I need to hold on to them..thankfully I have an excellent tailor.
Outfit #15 is 6+11+25
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Forever21
Bracelet and Rings: Tiffanys
I was at my parent's house yesterday for Father's Day brunch. It rocked, as usual. My parents moved in to a new house in January, and therefore there are lots of things unpacked and organized and brought to light that may have not been seen since 1999 or so. My mom had a picture of me accepting my high school diploma. I'm barely 17. WOW do I look different!
You don't so much think you look different in the mirror, right? Its gradual change. I'm pretty sure (okay, very sure) that I don't look almost twice as old as I was in that picture, but you know, I am.
What truly amazes me, though, is that I graduated high school 16 years ago, I have lived SO MUCH LIFE since then, and I'm STILL only 33. When you are 16, 17, you can't imagine what that feels like. How young 33 still feels. Its pretty cool.
Today's outfit may marks the first you've seen of these J Crew slacks..and probably the last until I get them altered. They are too big - darn! Hehe. They are part of my "good" suit, so I need to hold on to them..thankfully I have an excellent tailor.
Outfit #15 is 6+11+25
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace: Forever21
Bracelet and Rings: Tiffanys
I was at my parent's house yesterday for Father's Day brunch. It rocked, as usual. My parents moved in to a new house in January, and therefore there are lots of things unpacked and organized and brought to light that may have not been seen since 1999 or so. My mom had a picture of me accepting my high school diploma. I'm barely 17. WOW do I look different!
You don't so much think you look different in the mirror, right? Its gradual change. I'm pretty sure (okay, very sure) that I don't look almost twice as old as I was in that picture, but you know, I am.
What truly amazes me, though, is that I graduated high school 16 years ago, I have lived SO MUCH LIFE since then, and I'm STILL only 33. When you are 16, 17, you can't imagine what that feels like. How young 33 still feels. Its pretty cool.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
6/16 - 6/18. 365
Jun 16th
Q: What makes you cynical?
A: I get very cynical about the news. Media in general, politics, the intelligence of large parts of the US population. I don't want to live in a country where having your own reality show doesn't completely disqualify you from running for public office.
Jun 17th
Q: The best hour of today was ______________. Why?
A: 6:00pm! It's Friday, its quittin time, what can be wrong?
Jun 18th
Q: What's the last meal you cooked for someone?
A: I love to cook, and I cook at least one meal a day on weekdays, two on weekends, for me and Fred. I made eggs and bacon and waffles this morning. Nothing better than a real breakfasat on Saturday morning!
Q: What makes you cynical?
A: I get very cynical about the news. Media in general, politics, the intelligence of large parts of the US population. I don't want to live in a country where having your own reality show doesn't completely disqualify you from running for public office.
Jun 17th
Q: The best hour of today was ______________. Why?
A: 6:00pm! It's Friday, its quittin time, what can be wrong?
Jun 18th
Q: What's the last meal you cooked for someone?
A: I love to cook, and I cook at least one meal a day on weekdays, two on weekends, for me and Fred. I made eggs and bacon and waffles this morning. Nothing better than a real breakfasat on Saturday morning!
Friday, June 17, 2011
number 14!
Happy Friday!
Here is outfit #14 - basic black and jeans, can't really err too much on this one. I don't have much to say about it. It'll do.
14 is 3+19+27
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Have a wonderful day!
Here is outfit #14 - basic black and jeans, can't really err too much on this one. I don't have much to say about it. It'll do.
14 is 3+19+27
Shoes: Nine West
Necklace/Bracelet/Rings: Tiffany
Have a wonderful day!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
where it all began
long long ago, in a place actually quite close to here, I came across a blog. I googled the name of a boy I had been on a date with. A good date, I thought. But as these things go, there never was a second date. There was, however, the world of blogging. His name showed up in a post by the HILARIOUS Ms. TequilaMockingbird, and the rest, as they say, is history (and liberal use of daily read lists).
Ms. Mockingbird, sadly, hasn't written in about 4 years. You can read her archives here and I highly recommend you do. There are some pee-your-pants moments in there.
Tequila led to Heather (I think she would appreciate that statement, actually). Dooce led to Mighty Girl. At this point, many years later, I consider so many blogs daily reads, and am humbled by the talent that exists out there in the blogging world.
But it all started with Tequila Mockingbird, and a thought. Hey, I can write a blog. I think I will.
Ms. Mockingbird, sadly, hasn't written in about 4 years. You can read her archives here and I highly recommend you do. There are some pee-your-pants moments in there.
Tequila led to Heather (I think she would appreciate that statement, actually). Dooce led to Mighty Girl. At this point, many years later, I consider so many blogs daily reads, and am humbled by the talent that exists out there in the blogging world.
But it all started with Tequila Mockingbird, and a thought. Hey, I can write a blog. I think I will.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
6/13 - 6/15, 365
Jun 13th
Q: Something that made you worry today...
A: I was going through some pretty major side effects from changing my medication dosage on Monday and pretty much everything worried me! When i feel like that, I know its unreasonable, but I feel like i'll never feel right again. But here I am, 2 days later, feeling pretty ok again.
Jun 14th
Q: Did you exercise today?
A: No, not today. Tuesdays are generally off days for me - Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Jun 15th
Q: What's your favorite gadget?
A: My new sewing machine, but of course! ;P Also, my KitchenAid mixer - does anyone who has one not love it? Even if you don't use it (I do), but its so freaking cute!
p.s. I'm watching Americas Next Top Model right now - a rerun I think, these girls seem familiar..but this model doesn't know who John Galliano is. DQd, in my book. Come on ladies.
Q: Something that made you worry today...
A: I was going through some pretty major side effects from changing my medication dosage on Monday and pretty much everything worried me! When i feel like that, I know its unreasonable, but I feel like i'll never feel right again. But here I am, 2 days later, feeling pretty ok again.
Jun 14th
Q: Did you exercise today?
A: No, not today. Tuesdays are generally off days for me - Tuesdays and Saturdays.
Jun 15th
Q: What's your favorite gadget?
A: My new sewing machine, but of course! ;P Also, my KitchenAid mixer - does anyone who has one not love it? Even if you don't use it (I do), but its so freaking cute!
p.s. I'm watching Americas Next Top Model right now - a rerun I think, these girls seem familiar..but this model doesn't know who John Galliano is. DQd, in my book. Come on ladies.
making the things, the sequel
oh, the thing making, it is sooo much fun! and maddening at the same time!
In addition to my drawstring bag, I have now made a double-sided dinner napkin with rick rack piping, and a re-usable fabric shopping bag. I'll do a post this weekend showing off all the things I have made!
I am really enjoying myself, and I am already finding myself looking at shirts I already own and thinking about how to make them. I think I might try a very simple blouse pattern this weekend. I need to practice practice, practice! as my stitches are not always straight right now! I'm hopeful that I'll be an adequate seamstress in no time.
Thanks again to Leigh Ann, Rachel, and Courtney for putting together such a fun class!
In addition to my drawstring bag, I have now made a double-sided dinner napkin with rick rack piping, and a re-usable fabric shopping bag. I'll do a post this weekend showing off all the things I have made!
I am really enjoying myself, and I am already finding myself looking at shirts I already own and thinking about how to make them. I think I might try a very simple blouse pattern this weekend. I need to practice practice, practice! as my stitches are not always straight right now! I'm hopeful that I'll be an adequate seamstress in no time.
Thanks again to Leigh Ann, Rachel, and Courtney for putting together such a fun class!
cat lady stuff
my cats, ever since we moved into a house with a backyard and a fence - they are obsessed with going outside. Neither of them have front claws (i got them from the shelter that way, i would never declaw), so they can't be outdoor cats, but I do take them out while i'm gardening so they can pretend they are jungle cats. cats of the azalea and hosta jungles.
If i open the door and leave the screen closed to get some fresh air in - it sends them into high alert.
how do we get from here, to there?
perhaps if we work together..
or we could cute her to death...
I am bored by your reasons for not letting us out.
bird!
Bella, the Tortie, she is a bit simple. Well, actually, we're not sure she's simple, because Bella is like a cat Rain Man. She will sit and stare at walls for hours and she is scared of everything from the ceiling fan to her own shadow. But she knows how to open doors, and is scarily strong. Like, this cat is ripped. Also, occasionally she will give the other cat a quick whap on the head for no apparent reason. She's freakin adorable and likes to sleep in the nooks behind our knees while we are sleeping. I sometimes chase her around and tell her, in the voice from that kid in Despicable Me, that she's' "So Fucking Fuzzy!" -poetic license taken. Also, we rarely call her Bella. Its most often Root, Rootie or Rooster. It started as Belarus..don't ask.
Tash, my Tabbie, she is a trip. She is crazy smart and gets bored easily. Sweetest and friendliest cat I've ever met. She's also a lap cat (and shoulder cat, whatever part of you she can sit/nap on) and my baby, I've had her for seven years. Best cat to nap with ever, but she will wake you up by biting your toes and your nose, oh so gently and annoyingly. or playing with the blinds. she has learned that gets our attention. what a fun discovery, huh?
ok! so that should just about cover talking about my cats for a while. Thanks for hanging in there!
If i open the door and leave the screen closed to get some fresh air in - it sends them into high alert.
how do we get from here, to there?
perhaps if we work together..
or we could cute her to death...
I am bored by your reasons for not letting us out.
bird!
Bella, the Tortie, she is a bit simple. Well, actually, we're not sure she's simple, because Bella is like a cat Rain Man. She will sit and stare at walls for hours and she is scared of everything from the ceiling fan to her own shadow. But she knows how to open doors, and is scarily strong. Like, this cat is ripped. Also, occasionally she will give the other cat a quick whap on the head for no apparent reason. She's freakin adorable and likes to sleep in the nooks behind our knees while we are sleeping. I sometimes chase her around and tell her, in the voice from that kid in Despicable Me, that she's' "So Fucking Fuzzy!" -poetic license taken. Also, we rarely call her Bella. Its most often Root, Rootie or Rooster. It started as Belarus..don't ask.
Tash, my Tabbie, she is a trip. She is crazy smart and gets bored easily. Sweetest and friendliest cat I've ever met. She's also a lap cat (and shoulder cat, whatever part of you she can sit/nap on) and my baby, I've had her for seven years. Best cat to nap with ever, but she will wake you up by biting your toes and your nose, oh so gently and annoyingly. or playing with the blinds. she has learned that gets our attention. what a fun discovery, huh?
ok! so that should just about cover talking about my cats for a while. Thanks for hanging in there!
the fashion, it is
between Mary-Kate / Ashley Olsen's new handbag line for The Row:
and Lauren Conrad's new line, Paper Crown:
We're gonna need a bigger wallet.
Also - The Row....gah! I don't want to love it, but the bags, they have tipped it for me. There is nothing I hate more than of the season gaudy logo-ed it bags and they completely avoided any of that.
LC - good on you, girl. Your Kohl's stuff is pretty cute too. Way to not be Heidi.
and Lauren Conrad's new line, Paper Crown:
We're gonna need a bigger wallet.
Also - The Row....gah! I don't want to love it, but the bags, they have tipped it for me. There is nothing I hate more than of the season gaudy logo-ed it bags and they completely avoided any of that.
LC - good on you, girl. Your Kohl's stuff is pretty cute too. Way to not be Heidi.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
I made a thing!
Ya'll, I have made a thing. A functional, real, thing. With the sewing machine. I made it. It is a drawstring pouch/gift bag thingamajig and I made it! It is a little wonky, but here it is, in all its glory:
and with the drawstring pulled tight a bit:
Already, I can see that I can make pillow cases. I mean, of course, look at my thing. Oh, it's on. It is ON with the making of the THINGS!
I'm so psyched!
p.s. the bottom picture is framed crooked, I mean, its not THAT wonky. I done good.
p.p.s. I showed Fred my creation and he tried to put the cat in it. No cats in things, new rule.
and with the drawstring pulled tight a bit:
Already, I can see that I can make pillow cases. I mean, of course, look at my thing. Oh, it's on. It is ON with the making of the THINGS!
I'm so psyched!
p.s. the bottom picture is framed crooked, I mean, its not THAT wonky. I done good.
p.p.s. I showed Fred my creation and he tried to put the cat in it. No cats in things, new rule.
Step 2 in becoming a '50s housewife
On my lunchbreak today, I bought a sewing machine.
A nifty little Singer number from Sears.
I'm so excited I may burst!
I have a sewing machine, you see. I LOVE my sewing machine, from a sentimental, nostalgic, vintage-y perspective. It is truly awesome. It has a little label printed out with my mother's maiden name, gah the wonderfulness. But it is from 1954. And its fussy as hell. As in, no I WON'T pick up your bobbin thread and then when I do no I WON'T sew anything. I'll just make noise and holes.
I have spent many hours trying to get the thing to sew. It don't wanna.
So, although I struggled mightily with this decision, I decided that sewing is frustrating enough without old machinery. The old sewing machine will be a proud family heirloom that one day when I understand sewing machines, I will fix.
The new little Singer will take all the abuse of a new sewer. YAY compromise!
About a month ago, I purchased the Home Ec online course from Leigh Ann, here. (don't know her, but love her). I've been just patiently watching my tutorials and waiting, and then trying to make the damn machine sew, and then failing, and then watching and waiting..
And now I get to make the things! Make the things! Yay!
A nifty little Singer number from Sears.
I'm so excited I may burst!
I have a sewing machine, you see. I LOVE my sewing machine, from a sentimental, nostalgic, vintage-y perspective. It is truly awesome. It has a little label printed out with my mother's maiden name, gah the wonderfulness. But it is from 1954. And its fussy as hell. As in, no I WON'T pick up your bobbin thread and then when I do no I WON'T sew anything. I'll just make noise and holes.
I have spent many hours trying to get the thing to sew. It don't wanna.
So, although I struggled mightily with this decision, I decided that sewing is frustrating enough without old machinery. The old sewing machine will be a proud family heirloom that one day when I understand sewing machines, I will fix.
The new little Singer will take all the abuse of a new sewer. YAY compromise!
About a month ago, I purchased the Home Ec online course from Leigh Ann, here. (don't know her, but love her). I've been just patiently watching my tutorials and waiting, and then trying to make the damn machine sew, and then failing, and then watching and waiting..
And now I get to make the things! Make the things! Yay!
Lucky 13
Good morning all! Well, I don't want to jinx it, but I'm feeling 80% back to normal today. Yay!
Back to the 30 for 30 challenge! Here is outfit number 13:
let's ignore the fact that my hair looks just bizarre today.
Outfit #13 is 4+13+25
Sandals: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Rings/Bracelet: Tiffany
Back to the 30 for 30 challenge! Here is outfit number 13:
let's ignore the fact that my hair looks just bizarre today.
Outfit #13 is 4+13+25
Sandals: Colin Stuart
Necklace/Rings/Bracelet: Tiffany
Monday, June 13, 2011
Week 6 Recap / Week 7 Goals
Well hello again. Time to take a look at how I did against my week 6 goals. If you'll remember, this is what I said I'd do this week:
1) Go to the gym 3 times.
I went to the gym twice and ran twice. If I put go to the gym on here, I seem to choose running, if I put running on here, I seem to choose the gym. Because I am stubborn and ornery. Either way, its helping me to get my exercise in, so yay!
2) No processed crap.
I'm still eating based on the guidelines I set for myself 2 weeks ago, so no processed crap. Except for today, see: feeling like crap. I don't have an appetite right now, but if I don't eat, I'll feel worse, so I eat whatever is easy. So far today that has been a water, some chips ahoy, and some oatmeal. Don't worry, I'll be back to normal right quick. I tend to take it a litte easy on myself when I'm feeling like this and I'm okay with that.
3) Really, don't buy any clothes. Just don't. Do not.
I didn't buy clothes. Seriously. I have to think about it to make sure, true, but I did not. Oh wait, I did. I bought running shorts, haha. I could not put up a strong enough fight. But I've worn them twice to go running, and really, that makes them worth it. Exercise clothes should get their own category anyway.
Also..
4) Look at my budget and establish new short and long-term savings goals (I HATE budgeting, but I need to look at this again)
I set myself a budget for non-essentials, which is leniant enough that I can stick to it, but still keeps me on a good saving path. I need to build up 6 months expenses in my savings, that's my new goal. Up to this point, I've been more focused on my retirement account, but I believe I need to also have a good cushion of savings, a safety net.
5) Wear my hair down at least twice. I've gotten stuck in a hair rut
I wore my hair down once. I call this a win, considering it was ridiculously hot and humid last week.
So all in all, I did okay.
For Week 7, I'm going to change it up a bit.
Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)
#2 - Take a long walk
#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)
I think that's it for this week.
1) Go to the gym 3 times.
I went to the gym twice and ran twice. If I put go to the gym on here, I seem to choose running, if I put running on here, I seem to choose the gym. Because I am stubborn and ornery. Either way, its helping me to get my exercise in, so yay!
2) No processed crap.
I'm still eating based on the guidelines I set for myself 2 weeks ago, so no processed crap. Except for today, see: feeling like crap. I don't have an appetite right now, but if I don't eat, I'll feel worse, so I eat whatever is easy. So far today that has been a water, some chips ahoy, and some oatmeal. Don't worry, I'll be back to normal right quick. I tend to take it a litte easy on myself when I'm feeling like this and I'm okay with that.
3) Really, don't buy any clothes. Just don't. Do not.
I didn't buy clothes. Seriously. I have to think about it to make sure, true, but I did not. Oh wait, I did. I bought running shorts, haha. I could not put up a strong enough fight. But I've worn them twice to go running, and really, that makes them worth it. Exercise clothes should get their own category anyway.
Also..
4) Look at my budget and establish new short and long-term savings goals (I HATE budgeting, but I need to look at this again)
I set myself a budget for non-essentials, which is leniant enough that I can stick to it, but still keeps me on a good saving path. I need to build up 6 months expenses in my savings, that's my new goal. Up to this point, I've been more focused on my retirement account, but I believe I need to also have a good cushion of savings, a safety net.
5) Wear my hair down at least twice. I've gotten stuck in a hair rut
I wore my hair down once. I call this a win, considering it was ridiculously hot and humid last week.
So all in all, I did okay.
For Week 7, I'm going to change it up a bit.
Goal #1 - Survive medication adjustment with minimal interferance into daily life (I mean, really, if I do that and only that, I'm happy)
#2 - Take a long walk
#3 - Finish unpacking all my books - set some aside for donation (read: those I've inherited in random ways that I won't ever read, like how did those Clive Cusslers make their way in, huh? How did that happen?)
I think that's it for this week.
Monday, very Monday
Good morning all!
I don't have a 30 for 30 post today, as I was running late for work and did not take a picture. Also, I am wearing a t-shirt that is not part of the 30 items. Le gasp. The rest of my outfit is though.
This is due to several factors, including: wow I feel like crap (see post from over the weekend for details) and I should probably stay home but I have a report due in this morning so I need to go take care of that so lemme get dressed real quick and oh, this matches and is clean.
Also, I screwed up at work already this morning. Which wouldn't have been so bad had I checked my email this weekend, which I didn't. See: feeling like crap.
Yes, it is Monday. I hope yours is going better than mine so far!
I don't have a 30 for 30 post today, as I was running late for work and did not take a picture. Also, I am wearing a t-shirt that is not part of the 30 items. Le gasp. The rest of my outfit is though.
This is due to several factors, including: wow I feel like crap (see post from over the weekend for details) and I should probably stay home but I have a report due in this morning so I need to go take care of that so lemme get dressed real quick and oh, this matches and is clean.
Also, I screwed up at work already this morning. Which wouldn't have been so bad had I checked my email this weekend, which I didn't. See: feeling like crap.
Yes, it is Monday. I hope yours is going better than mine so far!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
6/9 - 6/12, 365
Jun 9th
Q: What makes a good friend?
A: Thoughtfulness, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, shared values, honesty.
Jun 10th
Q: How many cups of coffee did you drink today?
A: Just one, as per normal. Grande decaf sugar free hazelnut soy misto.
Jun 11th
Q: What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
A: Cook a delicious dinner and watch a movie with Fred. Try to stay up as late as possible =)
Jun 12th
Q: Is something in your way? Can you move it?
A: I may sound like a broken record, but right now my panic disorder is very much in my way. I'm not sure how to move it, but I'm ready to try.
Q: What makes a good friend?
A: Thoughtfulness, loyalty, sense of humor, intelligence, shared values, honesty.
Jun 10th
Q: How many cups of coffee did you drink today?
A: Just one, as per normal. Grande decaf sugar free hazelnut soy misto.
Jun 11th
Q: What is your favorite thing to do on a Friday night?
A: Cook a delicious dinner and watch a movie with Fred. Try to stay up as late as possible =)
Jun 12th
Q: Is something in your way? Can you move it?
A: I may sound like a broken record, but right now my panic disorder is very much in my way. I'm not sure how to move it, but I'm ready to try.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
its only okay sometimes
i feel like the morning after doing ecstacy.
don't worry. its been...13 years or so since I knew what that felt like. I've not lost my mind. I'm actually working on not losing it.
I'm changing the dosage of my medication for anxiety and it makes me feel like, well, like a crack monkey, is the best way to describe it. like coming down off a high. like my muscles are twitching and i'm kind of vibrating but my stomach is upset and i'm kind of tired but can't sleep and my eyes burn like i have a fever and i can't concentrate on much at all.
All because I'm taking up my Lexapro 5mg.
I've mentioned it casually here before, but I suffer from anxiety disorder, panic disorder specifically. when I read up on my diagnosis, I'm embarassed that I'm such a textbook case, hardly original at all. Its a real thing, promise. I know mental illness has a stigma, I am keenly aware of that even as I type this. And mine's a real son of a bitch - limiting, physical, and scary.
friends, if i've ever freaked out on you in the middle of an evening out, thrown money on the table and left, said i'm going outside to get some air only to text you an hour later to tell you i'm not coming back..that was a panic attack. i'm sorry.
I had a major episode almost 2 years ago. It took a long time, but my life is mostly back to normal. Except..
If I have to travel, I will freak out.
If I get stuck somewhere (metro, indoors, outdoors, anywhere i cannot leave if i want to), I will freak out.
I will go to the party, but I will be uncomfortable.
This is why I don't drink (messes with my medication).
This is why I don't drink caffeine (stopped 2 years ago, now hate feeling jittery)
This is why I stay in most nights.
This is why I gained a shit ton of weight (medication, again. also, why I'm changing medication now)
Hardly anyone knows this about me. I don't get anxious about things that make people normally nervous. I am completely fine with public speaking. I actually love to fly, what I hate is getting there, the being somewhere so far away i can't get home quickly and in my own means if i need to.
I get completely and unreasonably taken over by panic attacks at mostly predictable times, which actually makes it worse. the anticipation of an attack can trigger one. any event. at all. easter, new years, my own birthday. my own wedding, dammit, i'm terrified of the EVENT of it all. I won't be a passenger in your car and going out to lunch at work is something i have to consciously choose to be okay with.
my anxiety manifests itself in the usual sweaty palms dizzy symptoms you've heard of, but it also sends my digestive system completely haywire. therefore - group, social, non-escapable food-eating event = no, no, no.
My life is good. Great even. I am very happy. But this? This is part of me. I don't want it to be. I used to be fearless. I miss that.
I'm not trying to be brave talking about this. In fact, I don't talk about it, except to Fred and my family, in the language they've grown to understand. Typing it here is just a start. Trying to not be ashamed. Trying to accept it. Trying to overcome it.
don't worry. its been...13 years or so since I knew what that felt like. I've not lost my mind. I'm actually working on not losing it.
I'm changing the dosage of my medication for anxiety and it makes me feel like, well, like a crack monkey, is the best way to describe it. like coming down off a high. like my muscles are twitching and i'm kind of vibrating but my stomach is upset and i'm kind of tired but can't sleep and my eyes burn like i have a fever and i can't concentrate on much at all.
All because I'm taking up my Lexapro 5mg.
I've mentioned it casually here before, but I suffer from anxiety disorder, panic disorder specifically. when I read up on my diagnosis, I'm embarassed that I'm such a textbook case, hardly original at all. Its a real thing, promise. I know mental illness has a stigma, I am keenly aware of that even as I type this. And mine's a real son of a bitch - limiting, physical, and scary.
friends, if i've ever freaked out on you in the middle of an evening out, thrown money on the table and left, said i'm going outside to get some air only to text you an hour later to tell you i'm not coming back..that was a panic attack. i'm sorry.
I had a major episode almost 2 years ago. It took a long time, but my life is mostly back to normal. Except..
If I have to travel, I will freak out.
If I get stuck somewhere (metro, indoors, outdoors, anywhere i cannot leave if i want to), I will freak out.
I will go to the party, but I will be uncomfortable.
This is why I don't drink (messes with my medication).
This is why I don't drink caffeine (stopped 2 years ago, now hate feeling jittery)
This is why I stay in most nights.
This is why I gained a shit ton of weight (medication, again. also, why I'm changing medication now)
Hardly anyone knows this about me. I don't get anxious about things that make people normally nervous. I am completely fine with public speaking. I actually love to fly, what I hate is getting there, the being somewhere so far away i can't get home quickly and in my own means if i need to.
I get completely and unreasonably taken over by panic attacks at mostly predictable times, which actually makes it worse. the anticipation of an attack can trigger one. any event. at all. easter, new years, my own birthday. my own wedding, dammit, i'm terrified of the EVENT of it all. I won't be a passenger in your car and going out to lunch at work is something i have to consciously choose to be okay with.
my anxiety manifests itself in the usual sweaty palms dizzy symptoms you've heard of, but it also sends my digestive system completely haywire. therefore - group, social, non-escapable food-eating event = no, no, no.
My life is good. Great even. I am very happy. But this? This is part of me. I don't want it to be. I used to be fearless. I miss that.
I'm not trying to be brave talking about this. In fact, I don't talk about it, except to Fred and my family, in the language they've grown to understand. Typing it here is just a start. Trying to not be ashamed. Trying to accept it. Trying to overcome it.
Friday, June 10, 2011
the heart of the matter
You all are aware, I have been, ahem, accident prone as of late. First, with the ankle twisting, and then, with the stairs falling leg bruising. But I'm all healed up now. Back in the gym. And its only supposed to be 85 rather than 90 bazillion tomorrow, so I am planning on a morning run. Perhaps a morning run...to Starbucks, and then a walk back. We know I have a problem.
But! I'm here to talk about another problem. The heart of my shopping issues. The never-ending search for the perfect outfit in which to do X.
I am sitting here, waiting for a candidate to call me back, and I'm seriously thinking deeply about what I am going to wear for my run tomorrow. I am thinking...shorts. I need some running shorts.
Ya'll, I do NOT need no damn running shorts. I will say, no, I do not currently have a pair of well-fitting running shorts, TRUE. However, I have about three to seven (I have no idea) pairs of perfectly good, lovely, as fashionable as they can be given their function, work out CAPRIS. in loose fitting, in mid-range fitting, in running tight crops.
I don't need no damn shorts.
But in my head, I'm picturing me, running, sweating, de-stressing, communing with nature. In these shorts I saw at Dick's Sporting Goods the other day.
These here.
(p.s. love you under armour, you make the best sweatpants ever invented. go local, yeah!)
And now, its like, well I can't fully appreciate the run without the shorts. Meanwhile, this is all still in my head, in my plans for tomorrow. It hasn't happened yet. Yet, I need the shorts.
See, this is the heart of the problem. I get an idea in my head. I'm all, self, I would like to go to a concert at Wolf Trap (I totally am, tomorrow, Bright Eyes, whut!)
Oooh, what should I wear? I have this awesome embroidered cotton dress that would be lovely, but what if it was a shirt and I could wear it with jean cutoffs and then oh yes, that would be perfect, but OMG I need the perfect embroidered cotton floaty summer shirt.
No, no I don't.
If I were planning a trip to Paris? Yeah, I'd be filling my virtual shopping bag with Breton stripe tees, skinny jeans, scarves, and flats (no, I have all that. I must think of Paris a lot).
My wedding, for heaven's sake? Oh, I already have two wedding dresses (calm down, one vintage from Etsy, one deeply on sale from JCrew, I haven't even spent $100 bucks). And now I'm fairly obsessed with this particular dress. In white, duh. Which, FYI, is a dead ringer for my Prom dress.
Perhaps that's what I should do. Get back to my 1995 size (haha, HA, HA!HA!) and wear my prom dress to my wedding. Sweeeeeet.
Also, shoes. These'ms, raaaaaght heres. . Or these. Yum.
So anyway. This doesn't make sense, but this is where my mind goes. All the time. For ever and ever way back when. I am a person of substance, despite all signs pointing to frivolity. Am I the only one? I am, aren't I?
But! I'm here to talk about another problem. The heart of my shopping issues. The never-ending search for the perfect outfit in which to do X.
I am sitting here, waiting for a candidate to call me back, and I'm seriously thinking deeply about what I am going to wear for my run tomorrow. I am thinking...shorts. I need some running shorts.
Ya'll, I do NOT need no damn running shorts. I will say, no, I do not currently have a pair of well-fitting running shorts, TRUE. However, I have about three to seven (I have no idea) pairs of perfectly good, lovely, as fashionable as they can be given their function, work out CAPRIS. in loose fitting, in mid-range fitting, in running tight crops.
I don't need no damn shorts.
But in my head, I'm picturing me, running, sweating, de-stressing, communing with nature. In these shorts I saw at Dick's Sporting Goods the other day.
These here.
(p.s. love you under armour, you make the best sweatpants ever invented. go local, yeah!)
And now, its like, well I can't fully appreciate the run without the shorts. Meanwhile, this is all still in my head, in my plans for tomorrow. It hasn't happened yet. Yet, I need the shorts.
See, this is the heart of the problem. I get an idea in my head. I'm all, self, I would like to go to a concert at Wolf Trap (I totally am, tomorrow, Bright Eyes, whut!)
Oooh, what should I wear? I have this awesome embroidered cotton dress that would be lovely, but what if it was a shirt and I could wear it with jean cutoffs and then oh yes, that would be perfect, but OMG I need the perfect embroidered cotton floaty summer shirt.
No, no I don't.
If I were planning a trip to Paris? Yeah, I'd be filling my virtual shopping bag with Breton stripe tees, skinny jeans, scarves, and flats (no, I have all that. I must think of Paris a lot).
My wedding, for heaven's sake? Oh, I already have two wedding dresses (calm down, one vintage from Etsy, one deeply on sale from JCrew, I haven't even spent $100 bucks). And now I'm fairly obsessed with this particular dress. In white, duh. Which, FYI, is a dead ringer for my Prom dress.
Perhaps that's what I should do. Get back to my 1995 size (haha, HA, HA!HA!) and wear my prom dress to my wedding. Sweeeeeet.
Also, shoes. These'ms, raaaaaght heres. . Or these. Yum.
So anyway. This doesn't make sense, but this is where my mind goes. All the time. For ever and ever way back when. I am a person of substance, despite all signs pointing to frivolity. Am I the only one? I am, aren't I?
Happy Friday! And outfit #12
Good morning all and Happy Friday to you! I'm not sure I've ever needed a weekend more!
Here is today's outfit, #12 I beleive.
Outfit 12 is 10+20+27
Shoes: Nine West, here (and so insanely comfortable, I'm going to have to get them in black, too)
Necklace, bracelet, rings: Tiffanys
Here is today's outfit, #12 I beleive.
Outfit 12 is 10+20+27
Shoes: Nine West, here (and so insanely comfortable, I'm going to have to get them in black, too)
Necklace, bracelet, rings: Tiffanys
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